Forum home Pregnancy Miscarriage & pregnancy loss

Advice needed

hi there ladies, i'm in a bit of a pickle at the moment and I'd like some advice.

I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant with my first child, my parents visited over the week and told me that my brothers girlfriend had just had a miscarriage (had a scan on the 1/08 and lost it on the 02/08) the reason I was told was because I am expecting and they didn't want to hurt my feelings by not being excited or turning up to the baby shower (Which is completely understandable)

I'm obviously not going to brag or bring up my baby (i also haven't 'announced' it online thankfully) but I don't know what to say to them. They live in London and I live in the north east so the next time I'll see them is in November. So I'm wondering should I send either my brother or his gf a text saying how I've heard etc or just leave it and not mention it at all. They know that I've been told but none of my other family have except my parents. 

any help would be greatly appreciated. 

Thank you xx


  • Hi Jo, personally i think you can't NOT say something. I don't know what your relationship is like with your brother - are you close at all? Has the girlfriend been around a while? But I still think you really should send a text to his gf (and your borther), something like 'I'm so sorry to hear what's happened. I'm here if you need me' just so they know you are there for them and you're acknowledging what's happened to them.

    And it's good of you to be so understanding about not expecting them at the baby shower - probably the last thing they'd want to do, but your brother is still your babies uncle and his gf the auntie.

    What do you reckon?

  • I totally agree with Mrsg14, drop them a text and say your thinking of them at this hard time. I had a miscarriage in 2012 and my sister in law was also pregnant, she didn't bring it up but got stroppy when i couldn't face visiting the new baby for the first few weeks. I think a text would definitely help x

  • I agree... When i had my miscarriages although i didn't want to talk about it all with my family in those early days, i did appreciate just a simple message from them just saying how sorry they were to hear the news & that they were there if i needed them. 

    I think just a simple message to let them know they are in your thoughts & prayers will mean a lot to them & then just give them time & let them take the lead on any more communication they may (or may not) want to have about it.

  • thank you ladies, I sent this text to my brother just to let them know I'm thinking about them etc I was going to send it to his gf but was advised against it because it's still so fresh.

    'I've rewrote this text about a million times it feels but mum has told me and I am completely and utterly devastated for you both. Tell (gf name) that of course she doesn't need to come in November, and to not even worry about feeling guilty about it, just take all the time that she and you need. Lots and lots of hugs and love xxxxxxxxxx'

  • Lovely message x

  • Perfectly done. Very thoughtful x

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