Unsure

last year I got unexpectedly pregnant with a 4th potential baby. I miscarried at 9 weeks which was awful. I felt so guilty as wasn’t sure I wanted it. Was with a new partner following divorce. Wasn’t sure who the father was either. New partner would love children, he’s been amazing. I’m nearly 41 children are all older I’m unsure I really want a baby. But I can’t get over miscarriage and every month hope. I do t even know if new partner is fertile. I’m just confused and hurting and hope not to be judged. I’m scared to put my heart into trying and be hurt