Hi i am joining you after an emotional few days

trying82 · May 28, 2010 7:16AM

Hi everyone...

I am coming across from DIJ, sadly i am leaving DIJ. I guess i just need to put something in writing. We have been trying since June 2009, and finally had our BFP and i was around 6 weeks pregnant when i started bleeding on Monday morning, it goes worse throughout the day and on Tuesday. I knew deep down in my heart that it was not going to end well. We went to A and E on Monday evening; throughout all this i felt ok and had no stomach ache or cramps at all, so i guess there was still a little bit of hope left.

I had a scan today and the nurse confirmed that there was nothing left and it was a very clean miscarriage and that everything looked normal and in working order (that was a kind of relief to know). She was very lovely and understanding and was so kind to me.

I guess deep down i knew what the result would be but i guess you just keep hoping until its confirmed. We were so happy and then this happens...... but i do believe that it happens for a reason though its not fair.....

So i think i will be joining you. The nurse said that we should wait for my AF to arrive and then start trying but to be honest i just want to start trying straight away as it took so long to get that BFP. Is it ok to start trying straight away again. I am still bleeding at the moment (sorry for tmi), when will it stop? Its a very harsh reminder at the moment of the bean we lost.

My mum is coming over tomorrow for a few days and i have taken time off work till Tuesday as i just keep crying and i dont know what to say at work, have said i have a stomach infection but i am sure some of the girls have an idea what is going on. I just dont want everyone to know that we were trying and will be trying again.....!?

Sorry for all the questions!!!! Do you think trying again straight away is ok??? I read somewhere that trying again before the first AF can increase the risk of miscarriage?????

Thank you for listening...

xxx

was-babylove · May 26, 2010 2:51PM

Hi there, so sorry your having to join us. Life is so unfair and I have felt every single emotion this last 2 weeks, even found myself getting angry with the baby for giving up. Your the 1st person I have told that to.

As for ttc I have just stopped bleeding after D&C and plan to ttc straight away. I think they advise you to wait a cycle for dating purposes. I too read that it increases your chances of m/c so I did a post in pregnancy if you want to look at my other posts you will find it. Got lots of possitive responces.

This will be such a hard time for you and you may need to take a little more time off work. I took 2 weeks and im back tomorrow. There is no proper way to feel but I do advise you to talk to OH as we have had a few arguments about how he isnt upset (my words not his) and he is grieving too just not showing it like me. I hope that makes sence.

Lots of love to you and im always on here if you need to chat xxxx

Amber156 · May 26, 2010 4:36PM

Welcome to the forum, am so sorry about whats happened and that you're joining us but hopefully you'll get some good support that will help in the tiniest way.

When to start TTC was my first question when I joined; I had an EPRC and am waiting for 1st AF before trying again. As far as I think people know and the net says you should wait for 1 for dating purposes. I'm dying to TTC again, I need to feel like I'm doing something to help myself.

Work is hard, I had 3 weeks off and started back last week, you can see from my post about back to reality how very hard I've found it seeing people and talking about it (I had a MMC at 14wks). Try to have a little while off and go back when you're ready, it may dull the rawness a little. Only you can decide if and who you want to talk to about it, but do talk to someone and try not to bottle up. After 2 wks I told my BF the whole story without crying and it was such a relief that I could get though it!

Babylove; I felt angry at the baby too. we had our 12 wk scan and I saw its heart beating and it's arms and legs moving around. 3wks later I was scanned again and no heartbeat, it measured the same at the 12 wk scan and it had died that day or around then. How can that happen when we saw it? What does it mean?? (no need to answer!)

Big hugs, take one day at a time and look after yourself, we're here if you need us xx

Virgo2188 · May 26, 2010 4:42PM

Hi hun,

I know how you feel about the bleeding, but I actually felt worse after it stopped. It was all so final, like that was it, all over!

We decided to start ttc straight away, apparently they like you to wait for AF for dating purposes but I feel that ttc has actually helped me, gave me something to focus on.

I also went back to work the following week. Most people guessed what had happened when I just told them it was personal, but they might be because I work with nurses and docs lol!

I hope you feel better hun, it does get easier to deal with, but if you ever need to rant about anything then feel free. We've all been there and are all here to listen.

Sorry you've had to join us,
Lots of love hun
Xxx

rocky_kiz · May 26, 2010 4:53PM

hey, sorry you've had to join us, i totally understand where ur coming from on the work front. i work in a small office and they all knew i was pg, we're all girls, so all knew when i went for my 12 wk scan and it all went horribly wrong. unfortunately they all know tht i'm ttc again and still am 11 months later... but in some way it's been a comfort. i stopped bleeding about a week after. some people stop sooner others later.use the time off work to grieve as much as you can hun, it'll help u to feel better. tak care xx

was-babylove · May 26, 2010 4:59PM

Amber I knew there was something wrong for weeks as I suffer from HG in preg and wasnt sick this time. I finally went for a scan @ 9weeks and the baby had no HB but did measure spot on so had just died. The doctor made it worse by telling me it all looked like it had been going so well!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did she need to tell me that? So what my baby just decided to die ARGHHHHH!

I actually think it was my HCG dropping that killed him/her. I still need to get answers and know I prob wont get anywhere but will try.

Sorry for G/C your post. xxxx

fairythalia · May 26, 2010 5:52PM

Hi Hon,

Really sorry for you loss, it is the most horrid experience and I really feel for you. Please take time to look after yourself and don't be in a rush to get back to work. I had 3 weeks off and I needed it, my m/c dragged on for weeks, followed by and infection then ERPC. Sometimes it's only after the physical symptoms have stopped that the emotional side even begins to sink in, so don't rush back.

As for TTC yes they do say wait until at least one AF, but that's easier said than done when you are desperate for a baby and want to start right away. Do what you feel happy with!

Good luck and we'll see you around. This is a really great forum and absolutley everyone is super supportive. loads of love xxxxxxx Fairy T xxxxx

trying82 · May 26, 2010 6:33PM

Babylove- i think anger is a normal emotion- even as you felt that towards the baby, i think that is normal. I was angry at the nurse at one point because she said it was a nice CLEAN miscarriage, i had no pain to be honest which in a way makes it worse, it just bled out of me!? And then she said my womb looks in great conditon- i just thought 'Thanks but obviously doesnt mean a thing...!?'

I guess i am lucky that there have been no complications, like the nurse said it was all clear but it still hurts in my heart to think of it and i keep telling myself that it was early so why am i getting so upset when others lose theirs beans much later than i did??? Its amazing how even though i only knew just over a week i loved that bean so much.....

I think my OH is having a hard time but doesnt really want to talk about it, just says that there is nothing to talk about, it happened and its shit but nothing we can do now. It hurts me so much to see him like this.

I didnt tell anyone at work that we were trying or that i was pregnant as it was still early days. But some of the girls have been emailing me and i am sure they have an idea whats happened- i just know how much everyone gossips at work.

I am back at work next week- hopefully i will be able to control my emotions a little more then. A good few days with my mum will help!

I really would like to start trying as soon i am physically ready again. I really want my BFP and i dont want to wait so long again.

The nurse did say that they find that most women are back within 3 months and are pregnant!! Worth a try i think??

Its nice to be able to talk so honestly about this to you all.

Thank you all so much for your comments and advice. I look forward to making some friends in this forum....
xxx

Virgo2188 · May 27, 2010 4:18AM

Oh hun, people say some bloody insensitive things to you because they don't understand. Someone on here described it as just an announcement to them but it changed your life and that's exactly how I felt! It might help that the ladies at work know, because it may be one of them have gone through it too. It helped me to talk to people who knew and I was suprised how many people opened up to me!

My OH dealt with the mc a lot different to me. He was focused on ttc again and seemed to move on pretty quickly whereas I cried a lot more than him for a lot longer. But we have to deal with the change in our bodies again.

Its also hard when you're doing hpt's trying to get a negative. Its all backwards! But like I say, it does get easier and you learn to deal with this as an episode of your life. I don't think you ever get over it, just learn to live with it.

Also, sorry this is turnin into an essay, I don't know if you had clinicians telling you that since hpt's got more sensitive and people knew they were pg earlier there has been an increase in the number of reported mc's. I heard that a lot so I've decided to get rid of HPTs. I'm due to test for the first time on Tues but I'm going to leave it 2 weeks so that I'll be 6 weeks if bfp. I'm hoping that will help me stress less and not be so devastated if it happens again.

Sorry for the second long reply, it's just that I went through the same thing so I feel I have some advice to offer. It may not help at all but thought i'd share.

Lots of love hun
Xxx

missy_moo · May 27, 2010 5:15AM

Oh Hun,

Welcome (but sorry ur here) i lost my bean at 4 1/2 weeks and my nurse said more or less the same as u.i think no one knows what to say to women who have MC and (for me anyway) say some nice but insensitive things to us especially when all we can think about is our baby.
if u ever need to talk or just write down more feelings this forum and these ladies are great.

Hugs

chaxxx

AmberL · May 27, 2010 9:54AM

Hi Trying,

My experience of mc sounds exactly like yours - no real pain, not major amounts of bleeding, and still a lot of hope. It's wierd, it almost feels like you don't really have too much to complain about, as it wasn't as bad as other peoples... not that that is actually the case.

We did decide to wait till after 1st AF, but that was partly forced by a case of thrush that the mc caused!

In the office, a few people definitely know about the MC, and I'm fairly certain that some others worked it out, as no one asked me how I was when I came back to work - only had two days off, as by the time I knew I'd definitely MC'd I'd stopped bleeding. You may find that no one really asks you about it - my husband and I work together, so for the last year everyone has been on baby-watch. The fact they have stopped talking about babies makes me think they just don't know what to say...!

Just do what feels right, and ignore any pressure from others... if you can!

Good luck for this month!

Lxx

trying82 · May 27, 2010 7:07PM

AmberL- yes i do feel that way, it feels like my bean just left me so quickly, the bleeding was horrible, never experienced anything like it before and am still bleeding 4 days later. My manager asked me today if i wanted people at work to know as they were all really concerned for me as i never take time off work. It is a difficuly situation as i didnt want people to know we were trying (for us its a private thing).... and now everyone would always be watching me every month and waiting for that special annoucement. However i also know that some of the girls at work have been through this too and would be so kind and helpful. I guess what i dont want is everyone knowing and asking if i am alright, i just know it would hurt too much.

I also feel like in a way i dont deserve to miss our little bean as i was only 6 weeks along, i have heard people say before that its just a late AF!? But to us this was already our little baby.... even if only 6 weeks old..... not sure if that makes any sense. With that tiny 6 week old baby came so many hopes and dreams and they are all gone at the moment.

We def want to try again as soon as possible, I just want to be pregnant again.....

Sorry for the extra long post. In general i feel a little better today- my mum is here and i am trying to keep busy so i cant think too much.

I do still suddenly just start to cry and think 'why me, why is this happening, is this really happening to us'???

I hope that with time i will not break down like this but at the moment the sense of loss is just too much.

Thank you all so much for your kind comments and sharing your experiences...
xxx

Jenfen · May 28, 2010 4:34AM

Hi Trying,
I had a MC in on Apr 22nd I was 7 + 4, I was heartbroken, it was a natural MC and was very traumatic.However we decided to try straight away as i thought it was the only way to ease my grief. I wanted to become pregnant straight away. I bought ovulator sticks but kepy saying negative. On the 4 week mark of my miscarriage, I felt I was coming on and packed towels with me while at work. I had some tests i to my amazement a faint line, i went and bought a CBD pregnant 1-2 weeks, I took another one last night pregnant 3+! I am very happy but also nervous and not getting my hopes up too much, so I am proof it can happen straight away. Good luck if that is what you decide to do.

In regards to work, you will be fine. I too didnt tell anyone and felt a little crap if someone was being harsh and I thought do you havce any idea of ehat ive just been through! But of course they didnt. It also helped to take my mind of it.
Whatever you decide make sure its right for you xxxx

AmberL · May 28, 2010 7:16AM

Hi Jen,

That sounds very positive - I never made it to the 3+ weeks on the CBD last time! Good luck!

Lxx

Hi i am joining you after an emotional few days

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