Forum home Pregnancy Miscarriage & pregnancy loss

im very sad to be posting

Hi there
I still feel numb writing this like ive had a really bad dream,anyway here goes.....
I srarted to spot 24th march then after a week off going back & forth to hosp got a scan & saw our little one & strong heartbeat,they told me all was fine & not to worry. That was the fri i had a gut feeling something was wrong. Sadly woke up at 4am mon morn with severe pains & lots of bleeding,went straight to epu got scanned & heart had stopped. Me & oh were devastated. We had been trying for 17mths & i can honestly say when we got our bfp i have never ever felt so happy in my life. I had to get a d&c as my womb was tightly closed & they told me it could take up to 3wks to come away!! Got that done on march 31st,i know some people wait for first af but personally we want to try straight away,i feel it will help with our loss. Ive been lurking around for 2 weeks now but just plucked up the courage to actually post, you all seem very supportive to each other.Thanks for reading this.

Sorry for the long post.
Annette xxx

Replies

  • Hi Annette,

    Welcome to the forum (i mean that in the nicest possible way as its obviously the last place that any of us want to be!) Im sorry for your loss....

    Like you i had a mmc but took medical management (my cervix was also tightly shut and it took 3 lots of pessaries and 3 days to pass my baby at home rather than in the hospital and i had also had spotting but saw the heartbeat at an early scan which i now feel was like false hope)

    I have found this site a huge help in recent weeks as the girls are all lovely and supportive and sadly everyone knows what each other is/had gone through and i think without that awful experience people dont really know how to deal with you or what to say and can make it worse or not see it as a big deal and i personally have found it hard and feel very alone apart from my hubby who has been amazing as always....

    We too are keen to try again but are holding out for my first af which is really hard and frustrating...

    Not much else to say really other than feel free to off load on here if you need to rant or vent or cry or scream someone is always here to listen!

    Take Care,

    Lx
  • I thought I could wait for first AF to ttc again but like you its been good fro my healing to try again staright away. We haven't been going out of our way to get pregnant but we haven't been all that safe either. I also had a d&c on the 22nd of March was mine so if we have gotten pregnant again I will know soon and I feel so good right now I am pretty sure all would be well. I just wont feel right with any pregnancy now though unless I have killer morning sickness as when it hasn't been bad I have miscarried and when it was so bad I couldn't see for vomiting I have gone full term lol.

    I am very supportive of your choice its nice to have someone else who has recently had a d&c on here and who also wants to ttc again straight away. Seeing all those new mum's in Hungry Jacks is what did it for me I just can not bare not to be pregnant. There was so much to look forward to especially as I already have two kids I really know what I am missing out on and it made me more miserable with this miscarriage.
  • Thankyou lauz41, Im very sorry for your loss too.
    I felt the same as you like false hope,they said that when i fall again that they will give me an early scan to make sure alls well i dont hink that will help me as all was well on my first one!! Well appart from the bleeding. You were brave to have the medical way i didnt think i could go through watching my baby come away,im a coward.
    I only bled for a week but wasnt heavy,i got my first neg test today so that has kinda put a close to it in a funny way. I can actually feell ov starting & have ewcm so im just going to see what happens.Do you think its too early to ov just now or am i just getting hopes up? When are you expecting af??

    Annette xxx
  • Hi libranester
    Thankyou & sorry for your loss too,
    I feel the same as you i dont think its actually sunk in yet that im not pregnant,my oh is scared that im pinning my hopes on falling quickly but im affraid thats all i can pin my hopes on just now,thats whats getting me through this as lots of people fall straight away as im also aware lots dont but i dont want to think of that just now.

    Hope you get good news soon!!

    Annette xxx
  • Argghh i still cant sleep - i have hardly slept for the past month and tomorrow is my 1st day back at work (had had past 4 weeks off) and so i need 2 get up at 6.30 rather than lie around in the morning like i have been doing! Its also going to be such a long day especially as i wont really have anything to do i work 8-6 (and it will be really hard as i work with health visitors so go and visit new babies) and im basically dreading it but i know that if i dont go back tomorrow i never will (though i wish i could be a 'kept' woman lol)

    As for my af well im hoping that that appears next week as that will be 4 weeks since my baby came out (and so 6 since my baby actullay died) and seen as i was always regular before that would work out but im not getting my hopes up too much as i know mc can really bugger things up although based on my cm last week that would mean i ovulated i think and so af would arrive next week so fingers crossed but as i said im not holding out too much hope but i just want it to be here as it would then seem like some sort of progress rather than feeling like i am in limbo just waiting and hoping for it to show but not knowing if and when it will its so frustrating....

    I dont necessarily think i was any braver than anyone else as mc is so hard to cope with and especially mmc (i think) due to the fact you thought everything was ok and then had such a hard decision to make about how to 'remove the products' and its only one that you can make based on whats right for you personally. To me it was important to see my baby (although it didnt look anything like a baby obviously but i knew what it was straight away and just held it and cried) i felt it would give me more closure in a sense and it was also important to me that my baby came out as naturally as possible but i just couldnt wait for it to happen natuarally as i didnt want to be in limbo any longer and by that point my baby had died 3 weeks previously with no sign that of starting to come away. It was scary but i didnt have that much pain and bleeding considering what i had been told to expect and passing the baby although traumatic was also a bit easier than i thought it would be in that it was over so quickly with no sign that it was about to but i will never forget that moment.

    I am lucky in that my husband has been amazing and i know how much he is hurting although he is trying to be strong for me as he feels if he shows much emotion it will upset me but i cry most nights anywa...i lost my mum in September so that makes it all the more raw and so unfair and i keep having 'why me?' moments. I know that my hubby found it so hard watching me have to go through everything and feeling helpless that he couldnt do anything to make things better or take the pain away and i think men are often forgotten about. Its only natural that your partner is worried about you pinning all your hopes on falling straight away especially if it took a while beforehand and so make sure you keep talking to him....you really need each other right now!

    I too dont want an early scan next time now as it wont make me feel any better about things (i was 6+4 when i had mine and saw the heartbeat and baby measuring size it should be etc) I know that after every scan which (hopefully shows everything to be ok) i will not relax until i have a baby in my arms anyway!

    With regards to trying again...I had a clot left over so even though i didnt want to BD straight away i couldnt as i was worried about an infection but my scan last week showed everything was clear now (i stopped bleeding 2 weeks ago now and got my negative 9 days ago on a hpt we have only bd once and it was literally for 2mins as we had to feel close again i suppose but we were both so paranoid that we stopped and we also didnt want to go back to using protection again either but it wasnt sore so i took that to be a good sign) anyway i felt some sort of closure then last week i was in lots of pain and went to out of hours overnight who gave me antibiotics for a uti but when i mentioned the pain at the epu they said my urine was clear and took bloods which also came back clear so that made me really paranoid and i dont know what it was although i am glad it wasnt anything serious as i was really panicking and thinking all sorts like i could become infertile etc (i dont think it was just psychological as it was so sore the but hospital seemed to think it was all just in my head) i was due to go back to work the next day and stressing about that and getting upset as i really didnt want to go back but had told them i would so maybe it was just my bodies way of letting me know that i wasnt ready yet. Although i still dont feel ready now thats as i think i never will now as i dont really want to do anything at the minute (i need a lottery win lol but dont we all?) anyway the pain seems to be more or less away now so hopefully its gone and all is well physically at least and im hoping it wont come back!

    As for it being possibly too early to ovulate i dont know as everyone is different and some ladies are unlucky and dont ovulate the first month after mc and for quite a while but then some ladies do get caught again very quickly before havin an af so it obviously does happen but i was never that great at reading my bodies ov signs beforehand anyway...i think pinning your hopes on falling so quickly again is fairly natural but im trying not to do that as i dont want to be really disappointed especially as i didnt have months of disappointment the last time as it all happened so quickly but i suppose trying again is doing 'something' and is a positive step towards the baby you long for so i think thats why it helps with the loss in a sense although i can never replace and will never forget my lost little one...i still hope with all of my heart to be a mummy soon and i hope i get caught again right away too with a sticky bfp given that you're meant to be more fertile after a mc and not any more likely to mc again if you do fall straight away and i suppose our bodies wont get pregnant again until they are ready too but just keep in mind the fact that your body has been through alot recently and try not to pin your hopes so much on falling straight away even though its really hard not to...

    I am worried that my af wont appear next week and will take longer (i usually have my af about this time of the month so if it went 'back to normal' that wouldnt be til May and i would atill have quite a bit of a wait so im hoping its next week really really hoping as i will feel a bit better then and we will start ttc again) the sonographer said my womb was clear and did an internal scan last week as well just to get a better picture due to the pain and she said if there was anything there it would be a tiny amount of fluid (nothing that would cause an infection) and that my body may just reabsorb it rather than bleed again or that when i have my af (which i was told 'should' be here within a few weeks) then it would come out then so thats why i havent been bding as in my head i will feel better psychologically as i will at least know i am ovulating again and i feel my af will 'clear' my womb out ready to start again....

    As i got pregnant my 1st month of trying without bding excessively although it was 'too good to be true' im trying to be positive in that maybe i am quite fertile and that as my body didnt want to let the baby go then that must be a good sign and that unfortunately something else went wrong probably genetic and that it was just a case of 'shit luck' and that all will be ok next time but im so worried and we are scared to try again howeve i know we have to as we want to be parents so much and dont have any children yet....

    I have read of women who get pregnant again straight away even before their af returns and who go on to have healthy babies and i have also read stories of women who get caught straight away and mc again but there are also read stories where women have waited months before trying again and its still happened to them again as sadly there are no guarantees all we can do is try and hope and be as positive as possible as we have no control over it...i figure whats meant to be will be! We have been told we are no more likely to mc again now but it does make you really paranoid doesnt it? Anyway, if we waited 6 months or a year if it were to happen again (touch wood) then its not goin to be any easier to deal with than if it happened after a month or two (though im really praying that it doesnt)

    Im also waiting til af appears before i try again as i didnt want any unnececessary stress and upset (on top of the worry i would already have) if my dates were a little out and the baby didnt measure the size i would expect etc (that would be provididng i got pregnant right away again but i couldnt deal with that added panic) and so at least an af will give us a date to go by but i suppose scans are fairly accurate anyway and could date you...

    Basically as i said i dont want an early scan next time but i will prob have one when im past 9 weeks (as cant face getting til 12 next time and finding out and i was just below 9 weeks when i found out this time) and if my baby is ok at that point then thats like the first hurdle passed for some reassurance but as i said i wouldnt take false hope from any scan now even the 12 week one when you are supposedly classed as safe' as unfortunately there are no guarantees with being pregnant and i dont think we will be announcing it to anyone until at least 16 weeks though more like 20 weels (depending on how big i get) but this is obviously positive thinking and me getting way ahead of myself before my af is here! I think i have become an expert 'pant inspector' as every time i go to the loo for the past 3 months its all i have done...looking for signs i was pregnant, worrying about spotting, looking for signs of mc, waiting to pass my baby, passing clots, bleeding, cm, wishing af was here etc etc ...

    Anyway im sorry for going on and for writing war and peace (have you even read this far lol?) its what being sleep deprived does to me (just tell me to button it) but if you want to try again and feel ready both emotionally and physically then why not as all you can do is try and hopefully this time it wont take you so long to fall (which must make it hurt even more?) and i hope that you get the sticky BFP that you want so much soon and that all of us are right there with you with ours!

    I will shut up now you will be glad to know seen as i am up in 4 hrs eek

    image

    Lxx

    [Modified by: Lauz41 on April 14, 2009 02:24 AM]

  • lol get some sleep Lauz for your own sake.

    About ovualting mrsalston I am pretty sure (99%) that I ovualted 16 days after my d&c but then my body is used to this kind of thing I have had two children and 3 miscarriages now so my body kinda goes with the flow now. Like Lauz I believe in fate in that I think if a miscarriage is meant to happen it will. I have a really good obgyn and he is roman catholic which I know can be annoying but in a way its good because they believe a life is a life no matter how small and it can be really comforting when I got through a miscarriage to have someone who believes that dealing with the medical side of it so I stick with him. He has also delivered my two children and boy is he gonna get a suprise when he sees how big they have grown now, I will have to take them in when I have a scan when we get a sticky bfp. Might take the kids to the 20 weeks scan or something.

    What has helped me though things is looking to the future and organising things in the house so when I am pregnant and have a new baby its gonna be alot easier to do the house work and look after my kids. I think some women call it nesting lol. I am just keeping myself occupied with those kind of activities and it is helping ALOT. I recommend anyone who asks what they should do while waiting for a bfp to use the time to organise things in your house and make room because its gonna be alot harder to do when you are pregnant.
  • Hi MrsAlston,
    I'm really sorry for your loss and can completely relate to your need to ttc straight away, I had my ERPC on the 7th and I am very impatient to start again as soon as possible. It makes me feel more positive and although I am not expecting to fall pg immediately I just want to be back in a more active frame of mine if that makes sense? I think these feelings are really common.

    Our hospital advised that we could have an early scan next time but I don't see the point in having one before 9 weeks as our baby died at 8 weeks and we didn't know until 12 week scan. I am just going to resign myself to the fact that next time, the first 12 weeks are going to be a worry but it is out of my control.

    I wish you lots of luck for a sticky one this time.
    x
  • Thankyou ladies for your kind words as you all feel as bad as i do just now.Glad to see that im not the only one who isnt getting much sleep just now its horrid!! im lying in bed wtching total rubbish to try and make me tired. Hubby is on nights & miss him not being there to snuggle into.Im not back to work yet got another 2weeks off,im dreading going back as i work in a pharmacy for boots and all i see is pregnant people & babies also its a small town i live in where everyone knows your life & im scared that someone doesnt know ive lost the baby & asks me when im due or something! I dont think id be strong enough not to get upset.
    I know what you mean about doing house organising im exactlly the same keep looking for things to do!
    Theres a sticky bfp for all of us because we all deserve it!!

    Annette xxx
  • Oh hun sorry to hear you have had such a horrible time. I had an erpc too and am really glad I made the decision because I hated the waiting and not knowing. I can honestly say it does get better, the pain doesn't go away but it becomes easier to live with. Just be there for each other and don't expect too much too quickly.
    I started trying again straight away, it feel wrong using contraception when you just want to get pregnant again straight away doesn't it.
    I hope you are doing as well as can be expected, the girls on here are fab, you are in the best hands!
    I am thinking of you and your OH at this horrible time!
  • Welcome to our little corner of the forum, sorry to hear what you have been through and that we haven't met you under better circumstances. It is always sad when this happens but it seems so much more the worse when you have been trying for such a long time or it is multiple mc's. I really wish you luck and a very sticky bfp very soon xxx
  • Hello

    So sorry you are joining us. I had a mmc in Jan, found out at 12 week scan. Just waiting for 2nd af to leave so I can try for a New Year baby.

    Hope you get some comfort from posting with us. xx
  • Heres hoping you have a new year baby too. I remember both socks & you mithical from ttc forum although i never posted much hung around most days to see what was happening & getting some useful tips!! Im just praying thet it wont take as long to get my bfp this time & clinging to the hope of being more fertile as a lot of people have said on this site & when i google m/c

    Annette xxx
  • I think they say you are more fertile for the first 3 months or something? Hope so, didn't fall this month, and I don't want it to take another 8 months!! image xx
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