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Vicki, this is for you. x
i have to tell you something, you are being a good mum by admitting that there is a probelm.
I swear i felt nothing for my lo when she was born, i almost felt sick looking at her because the first thing she done after being sat on my chest was pee all over me. i think it started from then. I just kept saying its peed its peed. I wouldnt say she or my baby, she was an it! Looking back i feel terrible about those first few moments being spoiled by me being stupid.
We got home and i kept putting on such a good show for people, i was the doting mum. I wasnt, i hated getting up to her, hated making the bottles, hated changing her nappy etc. As soon as visitors came i handed her over happily so i didnt have her anymore.
The only thing i would do was go out. I took her everywhere because she slept and it put the day in so much quicker for me. When hubby came home i practically handed her over at the door.
It all came to a head one morning when lo was 3-4 weeks, hubby was leaving for work and i cried and cried till i woke lo up, i asked him to stay at home but he said he couldnt. He told me to see to the baby, she was crying and i hate to say it but i slammed the bedroom door really hard and said she would be fine. Thats when it hit both of us that i had a really bad problem. He took me to the doc and they put me on anti-depressants. I felt relief immediatly, just telling someone how i felt was so good. I have to say no-one in my family know i have pnd, im too ashamed to tell them as they all think im such a good mum, which i know i am now but they wouldnt understand. They are the type to tell you to get on with things. This dosnt help at all. If you need anti-depressants then you need them. If you had a headache youd take a paracetamol to make it go away wouldnt you?
Im off my tablets now for a couple of months, i still have bad days but they are very few now and if i feel awful i just come on here and chat to the girls, they are all fab and they feel like my close freinds now.
I just took this off another post and wanted you to know you arnt alone, you know where i am if you ever want to talk. x
I swear i felt nothing for my lo when she was born, i almost felt sick looking at her because the first thing she done after being sat on my chest was pee all over me. i think it started from then. I just kept saying its peed its peed. I wouldnt say she or my baby, she was an it! Looking back i feel terrible about those first few moments being spoiled by me being stupid.
We got home and i kept putting on such a good show for people, i was the doting mum. I wasnt, i hated getting up to her, hated making the bottles, hated changing her nappy etc. As soon as visitors came i handed her over happily so i didnt have her anymore.
The only thing i would do was go out. I took her everywhere because she slept and it put the day in so much quicker for me. When hubby came home i practically handed her over at the door.
It all came to a head one morning when lo was 3-4 weeks, hubby was leaving for work and i cried and cried till i woke lo up, i asked him to stay at home but he said he couldnt. He told me to see to the baby, she was crying and i hate to say it but i slammed the bedroom door really hard and said she would be fine. Thats when it hit both of us that i had a really bad problem. He took me to the doc and they put me on anti-depressants. I felt relief immediatly, just telling someone how i felt was so good. I have to say no-one in my family know i have pnd, im too ashamed to tell them as they all think im such a good mum, which i know i am now but they wouldnt understand. They are the type to tell you to get on with things. This dosnt help at all. If you need anti-depressants then you need them. If you had a headache youd take a paracetamol to make it go away wouldnt you?
Im off my tablets now for a couple of months, i still have bad days but they are very few now and if i feel awful i just come on here and chat to the girls, they are all fab and they feel like my close freinds now.
I just took this off another post and wanted you to know you arnt alone, you know where i am if you ever want to talk. x
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Replies
Thanks so much for this, I had looked at it the other day and started to reply but then got waylaid and forgot about it.
Reading your story really has helped and I can identify with a lot of what you went through and your thoughts/fears. It's r eally good knowing that I'm not alone and certainly not the first to be worried about other people knowing.
I've been on the antidepressents for just over 1 week now and although they don't seem to have kicked in yet, I feel much better having admitted my problem to OH and talking about it - like a weight has been lifted. He's been really understanding and says he wants to do all he can to help me get better.
I read your other post saying you'd told your mum and sister, well done you - I'm so glad that they have also been supportive. I have t o admit, I don't quite feel at the stage where I can tell other people yet, OH has agreed to keep it as private/public as I wish, I'm still doing the whole "acting like nothing's wrong/trying to be superwoman routine" quite a bit but OH has now learnt to recognise when i'm starting to get stressed/upset and talks me through it rather than just letting me cover it up - does that make sense?
Hopefully the anti-depressents will start to make me feel even more normal again soon, as I'm sure you do - I'm just trying to take each day at a time at the moment.
Thanks again, take care
I have an album on there of Mitchell, don't think you can see it from my profile page but if you click on all albums you should be able to - need to put some more recent ones on there though.
Read your other post, glad to hear that you're feeling better - sounds like quite a few of us have been rough this weekend - maybe we can blame it on a cyberbug!