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Dont want to go...
Hi x
I'm not sure what to type, but after reading some info on netmums about writing down how you feel I thoght i'd give it a go.
Harry is 4 weeks old today and I truely love and am in awe of him - he's beautiful. I love being mum to him and my 8yr old, Thomas. I had quite a traumatic birth with Harry, 17hours in total, pushing for over 5, I eventually delivered him myself moments before being whisked to theatre, he weighed 10lb 1oz.
It was my 30 bday on Thurs, we were suposed to be going out on Sat to celebrate, but I cancelled. I wanted to go and have a good time, but a greater part of me felt like I'd be pasting on a false smile, having to laugh etc, when inside, I simply dont feel like that. In the end I had a huge row with OH which then made me feel 10x worse, I blamed him, when really, I knew it was because of me.. I feel tearful most times, my appetite is all over the place, most days I'm just eating my tea in the evening, I cant sleep. Ive been having headaches for the past 10 days or so, but over the wend, they have become almost unbearable - I've never had anything like this before, the headaches can start from the minute I wake up, and they actually stop me from sleeping..
My OH announced this morning that he has booked the day off work and has made me an appointment at the docs later this morning. I'm really nervous about going, i've read a few things, took the test on netmums site, I got a result of 18. I really dont want to go, im crying now i'm typing this! What will my healthvisitor think, I dont want this on my medical record, people thinking that I cant cope, I dont want to take tablets, be labelled as a depressive...
Ive got to go, OH back from dropping Tom at school...
I'm not sure what to type, but after reading some info on netmums about writing down how you feel I thoght i'd give it a go.
Harry is 4 weeks old today and I truely love and am in awe of him - he's beautiful. I love being mum to him and my 8yr old, Thomas. I had quite a traumatic birth with Harry, 17hours in total, pushing for over 5, I eventually delivered him myself moments before being whisked to theatre, he weighed 10lb 1oz.
It was my 30 bday on Thurs, we were suposed to be going out on Sat to celebrate, but I cancelled. I wanted to go and have a good time, but a greater part of me felt like I'd be pasting on a false smile, having to laugh etc, when inside, I simply dont feel like that. In the end I had a huge row with OH which then made me feel 10x worse, I blamed him, when really, I knew it was because of me.. I feel tearful most times, my appetite is all over the place, most days I'm just eating my tea in the evening, I cant sleep. Ive been having headaches for the past 10 days or so, but over the wend, they have become almost unbearable - I've never had anything like this before, the headaches can start from the minute I wake up, and they actually stop me from sleeping..
My OH announced this morning that he has booked the day off work and has made me an appointment at the docs later this morning. I'm really nervous about going, i've read a few things, took the test on netmums site, I got a result of 18. I really dont want to go, im crying now i'm typing this! What will my healthvisitor think, I dont want this on my medical record, people thinking that I cant cope, I dont want to take tablets, be labelled as a depressive...
Ive got to go, OH back from dropping Tom at school...
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Replies
Lots of love. xxx
hope to hear how you get on xxx
There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Unfortunately I had to see a locum, I found it very difficult to speak about it, to explain. He checked my blood pressure which was fine and has asked me to go for blood tests, which I'm doing tomorrow, I then have to go back when the results come in. He explained that he is trying to determine if the headaches are causing me to feel the way I am, or its the way I'm feeling which is causing the headaches, the blood results will tell him that apparantly. He's also given me some strong pain killers which have cetainly took the edge of the headaches, so last night I was finally able to sleep.
I was scheduled for my second visit with HV today. I mentioned to her about the way I've been feeling, although to be honest, i didnt tell her the full extent, I wanted to but I couldnt. She was saying how well Harry is, how well I seem etc, I know it sounds really stupid, but I didnt want her to then think badly of me, or that I wasnt coping, not after she was just saying how well everything is going. She said to let her know how it goes at docs with the headaches, the drink plenty etc.
To be honest, just after speaking to OH and getting a decent nights sleep I feel alot better today. I keep thinking I have no right to feel low etc, I've got the baby we planned, he's healthy and beautiful, I've just got to pull it together. I'm hoping that with another good nights sleep, the painkillers help me sleep, I should start feeling like myself soon?
Going to feed Harry now x
I'd just like to let you know that you are not alone in this, when i had my 3rd baby (now 2) i felt exactly the same as you, i asked to be referred for counselling which really helped as they do not judge you on what you tell them and give you a different way of looking at things, i was also given amitryptaline tabs wich are a type of sedative so help me sleep as well as helping with low mood, i have been on these ever since but i honestly feel i would have come off them sooner if i hadnt had a bad pregnancy last year which ended badly.
I hope that you can get something positive out of this and if you ever need a shoulder we are here, take care and chin up.xxxxx
I had pnd with my 2nd child but she was a very difficult baby and I felt that pnd was inevitable so I took the meds given by gp. When I had my thrid child (now 17 wks) my situation was so much different in that he is a good baby and we have a stable happy home so , like you I didn't feel like I had any excuse or 'right' to feel this way.
Thankfully I did speak to my hv and she told me that circumstances rarely have anything to do with pnd- no matter how good your situation it can happen to anyone.
Please don't feel embarrased or ashamed- I have often said on here and I will say again- if you were diagnosed diabetic you would take insulin as prescribed, or asthma you would take inhalers- these are provided to help with these illnesses so if your doctor diagnoses pnd and wants to put you on anti depressants then please listen to him/her.
My sil had pnd for a full year before she finally gave in and got the meds her doctor had been telling her she needed all along. As a result of being so low for so long she isn't as close to my brother as she was before, which is sad coz they were a fab couple. It has also had an impact on the kids.
I am not trying to scare you in any way and I am sorry for such a long post but this is a topic I feel very strongly about. You can get better from this horrible illness diagnosis is not the end its only the beginning.
Again, like KT, not wanting to scare you or anything but I delayed getting help and ended up with anxiety issues and panic attacks on top of the PND and my dh had to take 3 months off work to look after me and the kids! I have suffered with slight PND with each of my kids but this was definitely the worst bout, but after 6 months of being tablet dependant, I felt well enuff to be weaned off and although I still have the odd day where I don't feel quite right, I'm doing good! I'm now expecting my 5th baby and will def be letting the midwives and gp know my previous history as I don't want it to get out of hand again!
Just talk to someone thou, it does help being able to get things off ur chest and out in the open and no one will think bad of you - more like proud of you for having the strength and courage to get treatment!
Take care xxx