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Had visit with HV...
Hi!
Just thought I'd offload about my hv visit. I posted a couple of days ago about how I was finding things really hard at the moment, and my OH had spoken to the hv about how worried he was about me, so she agreed to come out and see me to have a chat about everything. I was so nervous about this as like many of you know, you just feel like they are going to judge you and think you're a bad mum. Well, she came and she was very nice and listened to everything I had to say but I got the feeling she didn't really understand much about panic and anxiety and thought it was abit weird, infact she told me to be prepared for other mums to think I'm abit weird!!!:\( which made me feel even crapper as I feel really isolated anyway (as we moved away from our hometown) and that isn't encouraging me to have the confidence to go out and meet other mums!) I think I ended up just putting on a front with her so that she'd leave quicker, she said that I seemed rational and intelligent and was sure I would have the determination to get through this!?!?
I've decided to go to my GP and see if they can help, I definately think I need to go back on the anti-depressants as I just feel like I can't cope at the moment, I still can't go out by myself with Oscar and even when I have someone else there I can only manage going so far. I have been so teary and just don't see how I'm going to get my confidence back, hopefully the gp can be more help, cross fingers!
jen x x
Just thought I'd offload about my hv visit. I posted a couple of days ago about how I was finding things really hard at the moment, and my OH had spoken to the hv about how worried he was about me, so she agreed to come out and see me to have a chat about everything. I was so nervous about this as like many of you know, you just feel like they are going to judge you and think you're a bad mum. Well, she came and she was very nice and listened to everything I had to say but I got the feeling she didn't really understand much about panic and anxiety and thought it was abit weird, infact she told me to be prepared for other mums to think I'm abit weird!!!:\( which made me feel even crapper as I feel really isolated anyway (as we moved away from our hometown) and that isn't encouraging me to have the confidence to go out and meet other mums!) I think I ended up just putting on a front with her so that she'd leave quicker, she said that I seemed rational and intelligent and was sure I would have the determination to get through this!?!?
I've decided to go to my GP and see if they can help, I definately think I need to go back on the anti-depressants as I just feel like I can't cope at the moment, I still can't go out by myself with Oscar and even when I have someone else there I can only manage going so far. I have been so teary and just don't see how I'm going to get my confidence back, hopefully the gp can be more help, cross fingers!
jen x x
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Replies
I'm going to make an appointment on Monday, I definitely need to go to the gp, I had such a bad day today. I spent the whole afternoon crying after Oscar decided to pee all over himself and half of the living room
Hope you're okay!
Jen x x
Try not to worry and well done for your OH coming home to you, that was really nice.
How soon do you think you will get an appointment? x
unfortunately everything you are feeling is a symptom of PND and i hope your gp is a lot more understanding than your hv!! why would other mums think you were weird? you don't have PND tatoo'd to you head! friggin stupid women!
take care of yourself hun, i hope you start to feel better soon xx.
Hopefully I'll get an appointment for Monday afternoon, they're quite good for getting you in the same day if you ring up dead on 3pm, so cross fingers.
I'm just about to attempt Oscars bath time again, so wish me luck! lol!
Big hugs back to everyone!
Jen x x
Its so flippin annoying to feel like this and not know why, I could cope with being anxious and worried if I had a valid reason for feeling like this but I don't. Thats the worst thing about pnd you have all these horrible emotions that you feel you can't handle and you don't understand why you have them.
I was arguing with my oh one day ages ago about my moods and my response summed up pnd without me even meaning to. He said to me that if I could help him understand how I was feeling then maybe he would be in a better position to help me. My response to this remark was this "How can I explain to you how this feels when I can't even understand it myself"
This is so true
Ive only just got back form my b'day weekend so i hadnt seen your post reply sorry hun.
Fingers crossed that the GP listens and understands a bit better than that bloody HV! Im sure that other mums wont think how your feeling is not not normal...I would say early 100% of mums feel how you do at some point wether they admit it or not. Oscar loves you so much unfortuantely he cant tell you that but by him crying and you comforting him best you can lets him know that you love him and that your their for him no matter how much he pisses and shits on you lol!
I asked Joshua if he loved me this morning and he shook his head as if to say no...broke my heart...i asked him if he loved daddy and he shook his head too so I felt loads better lol!
Start every day like a new day forget the previous days mishaps, try to find some positives from the previous day. Maybe write down how your feeling each day (sounds gay) but then maybe at the end of the week you can reflect back and think what you enjoyed or what you could or would have done differently...remember what Karen would say- no one has weaknesses just areas that they need to develop in...Oscar didnt come with a manual!
We may come up this weekend or next so if you like me and you can go out with oscar and joshua or just me and you, whatever you like, have a think.
Keep smiling that gorgeous smile...now go make a sandwhich and a coffee, loads of love me and the chunkster! xxx
Like so many other's have said, your HV sounds crap and I honestly wouldn't take any notice of her. I can totally understand where you'r ecoming from when you say that you ended up putting on a front just to get rid of her, I hated my HV and lied about everything in the PND questionnaire that she gave me early on as there was no way that I was admitting to her that I had PND. In fact to be honest, I've only just admitted to myself that I have it.
My little boy is almost 6 months now and I only went to see the doc 2 weeks ago - after chatting it through with some of the girls on here, I realised that it is in an illness not a sign of weakness or an imperfection. Like you, I'm new to my area but my GP assured me that I certainly wasn't the 1st to suffer from PND and won't be the last. I honestly don't think that any other woman would judge you for having PND, especially other mums - even the ones who don't have PND understand how difficult it can be at times.
I've been on anti-d's for nearly 2 weeks now and they seem to be helping, like Diane said to me a short while ago you'd take a painkiller for a headache wouldn't you, it's only the same. I learnt the hard way that with PND you can't just "pull through it", I honestly tried, I gave the impression that I was supermum/housewife/career girl etc and so many people was saying how they didn't know how I did, when all the time I was close to the edge on the inside, thinking if only you knew how I felt you wouldn't be saying this.
I had issues about the birth that I didn't talk through, issues with sex, anxiety about being a good mum, worry about something happening to Mitchell or me, worry that he didn't love me etc. and every day felt like a real challenge.
It's so easy when you're feeling like this to focus on the bad things, like if Oscar screams in the bath you automatically write the whole day off as a disaster and that he's not had a nice day - I did with Mitchell, if he seemed upset for half hour of the day that would be me thinking he'd had a horrible day with me. Now everynight when I speak to my OH he asks me what my favourite part of the day/nicest memory has been of Mitchell - sometimes I need to rack my brain but then I always think of something and it makes me realise that no matter how challenging the day might have felt, there is always something I should be happy to focus on - like yesterday it was how lovely Mitchell looked lay on his side, just cuddling his teddy.
Try to take each day as it comes, remember that Oscar loves you in a way that none of us could put into words.
Take care