Wondering what to do for the best?

heavenly_mummy · Dec 31, 2012 9:09PM

Hi I just wanted some advice from other mums who have Pnd I made the step of going to my docs 4 weeks ago and saying I didn't feel right he contacted my health visitor who said it sounded like I had Pnd and that she needed to see me at home I had to put her off for two weeks as my eldest son who is 7 was on Easter half term and he's seen me cry enough I wanted to wait till he was at school to see her now I get a call from her secretary today to say she's cancelling our appointment as shes ill and can't see me till next week!! I've waited 3 weeks to see her and am crying everyday and feel worthless and like my son hates me and doesn't want to be with me I feel like I'm failing in everything I do and I just feel so let down as I wasn't offered anyone else to see she said she was worried about me on the phone when she called 3 weeks ago to make an appointment my Hubby says I should ring them back and say that I need to see a health visitor today and that it can't wait what do you guys think I should do? I know she can't help being Ill

oscar2 · Apr 25, 2012 6:27PM

hi heavenly mummy, im sorry i saw this on live feed and am g/c as have not had pnd.From an outside perspective i think they perhaps think if you've put them off for 2 weeks you're doing ok enough to wait for her to be well again - i know you have your reasons for that but they don't know what they are. obviously you are feeling terrible and its important that you see someone, so its not unreasonable to ask to see someone now, and im sure they will understand if you can explain you just couldnt see them with your little boy around. sometimes when you are down things can seem more complicated than they really are, give them a ring.

Really big hugs, am certain your little boy doesnt hate you, you have lots of courage to ask for help, hope you feel better soon x

heavenly_mummy · Apr 26, 2012 12:30PM

Thank you Alfie222 I spoke to my health visitor this morn and she said she thought she had better speak to me as I rang the health visitors secretary yesterday and begged to see anyone didn't care which one she has given me lots of advice and support and we have started the ball rolling on getting me the help I need she assured me there is no shame in admitting I am struggling and that many women do I'm yet to meet someone in my everyday life who will admit they also are struggling so it's hard not to feel alone thank you for replying i really didn't know what to do yesterday xx

Sah83 · Apr 26, 2012 5:50PM

Hi heavenly-mummy. I've just found your post and am so glad you've spoken to someone. I had PND after my first child all the way through until my second child was nearly a year. I should have got help a lot earlier. I felt as though my son hated me too, but he really didn't, it was just the state of mind I was in. I was on medication for 2 and a half years and with that, a very supportive family and husband I have recovered. Amazingly we're now tcc #3!! Must be mad!

I just wanted to give you hope that you won't always feel like this and you will come through it. Take all the support you can and never be afraid to ask for help. The good days will eventually outnumber that bad and you will know that you're beating it. Hope you're feeling a little better after talking to your health visitor today. Have you got any good friends you can share that you're finding things tough with? Telling people is really hard, but I found it helped to make sure I was no longer isolating myself. Not everyone finds mummyhood easy, appearances are often deceptive. You're not alone in how you feel and it won't last forever. Sending virtual hugs! X

heavenly_mummy · May 7, 2012 8:35PM

Hi all touch wood the good days are starting to outweigh the bad ones I still have the bad days: one of which being 3 days ago in debenhams cafe feeding little one there other mums there as well with babies some looked immaculate and others looked so confident with their babies and I felt that they were all looking at me with disapproval coz my little one was screaming for his lunch and I had to warm it first so he wasn't happy I started to cry while I was feeding him so embarrassing luckily I have long hair and just kept my head down I felt so inferior it was awful x

oscar2 · May 7, 2012 10:42PM

hi heavenly mummy

im always the mum who forgets everything, am always frantically looking through the nappy bag etc...one day recently we went to meet with postnatal group, i couldnt find my wallet at the other end, had already got LO out of car seat into pushchair, raincover on, had to then put him back in car and when we got home i found the wallet...there are loads of examples of this sort of thing, i am in chaos most of the time, my LO is warm, fed, changed and loved but how people are so organised with their babies is beyond me. I always lost my keys, wallet, phone etc even before LO - now i have two of us to sort out! It can seem like everyone is doing a better job,

I dont do these things alone anymore as i find it too much like hard work. If mum can't come shopping with me to help i dont go. I order online where i can. I know you need to get out but debenhams perhaps isnt the best place - what about childrens centres, mum and baby groups etc? or another mums for a coffee, perhaps one of your son's friends mummies? i know you're a second time mum so won't preach at you too much but i also find planning the day around his meals takes a bit of the stress away. after breakfast he has a play, then milk and a sleep, then a play and lunch. i dont attempt to go anywhere till after that and i know i dont have to be back until half 4 for tea. Often its just easier to have a few hours out and get back for mealtimes.

i hope the health visitor has been able to suggest some things to help, please dont ever feel inferior - your baby doesnt want anyone else to be his mummy and you'll never be inferior to him. the absolute best thing for him is you. Hoping you carry on feeling better bit by bit x

heavenly_mummy · May 8, 2012 1:35PM

Hi Alfie 222 My health visitor spoke to me on the phone but hasn't been over yet as she was going to give me details of a Pnd group near me that's starting in a weeks time but haven't heard yet ... The one mum I can talk to has gone back to work and as luck would have it so have I in the evenings as for preaching to me I don't think of it like that at all I appreciate the advice as I do feel like I'm doing it all for the first time again! X

oscar2 · May 8, 2012 9:08PM

what a load of crap heavenly mummy! Its not good enough to say she'll get back to you over the phone with details of a group...i bet the last thing you feel like doing is walking into a full room feeling like you do...she could at least have done a caring one on one visit to discuss it with you and give you a bit of preparation. You have tried so hard to ask for help, i know i said earlier that they might think you are ok and to call them again, but you really have put lots of feelers out now and you are feeling down and vulnerable, they should be on your doorstep by now.

i dont feel able to say too much about pnd as i dont know about it; but do find every last ounce of courage you have to go to the group. A tough thing to do i know but meeting other mummies like you will hopefully make you feel supported, and not alone, and hopefully they will suggest ways to improve things.

trying to cope with work must be tough as well - big, massive hugs, none of this is your fault and i hope you just look back on this time as a bad dream very soon x

heavenly_mummy · Jun 18, 2012 10:14PM

Hi all just a quick update I've been on medication for bout4/5 weeks now and I feel like a different person!!! I'm stating to think more rationally although I do still get paranoid when he cries if I'm out but I didnt expect a miraculous recovery in a month I know it will take time am on medication till November then it will be reviewed I have an early years visitor who comes once every week to help with anything or just have a cuppa and a chat I also have monthly meetings with my doc and a review every eight weeks with health visitor.

I'm slowly returning to the old me I can function with daily tasks now without panicking.

I now want to raise awareness about Pnd to show women that there is no shame in the feelings that come with Pnd and that it is a illness like any other illness as my early years worker said if you broke your wrist you would go to doc and put a cast on it to help it heal and that is what my medication is doing helping me to heal I would also love to start a Pnd support group in my area but don't know how to go about it any ideas?... I don't want anyone to suffer for in silence or for as long as I did .. The main thing is that fingers crossed I'm getting there!! Xx

oscar2 · Jun 19, 2012 8:00PM

wow heavenly mummy, sounds like you are well on the road to feeling better - am so pleased. And they've obviously taken you seriously and given you loads of support - in the space of such a short time its made so much difference to you and your bubba. So lovely that you want to help others too - im sure no one is better placed than you to make a difference to somebody who feels like you did. Nothing else to add but wanted to say well done for having the courage to get better x

heavenly_mummy · Jul 12, 2012 9:58PM

Had a relapse last week as I forgot to takE my medication it was awful! I'm still not back on track yet as managed to accidently miss 4 doses!! Also the medication is leaving me exhausted like the first four months when ure pregnant and to top it all my eldest has become very emotional and aggressive at school and I can't help but feel responsible and also feel Like I've failed him as a mother as it's my fault he feels this way!!!! I feel overwhelmed again by everything and am worried that come November I won't be able to come off the medication sorry I'm whinging again..., that's all I seem to do at the moment Im so angry with myself!!!!

Sah83 · Jul 12, 2012 11:32PM

Don't be angry with yourself. It's not your fault you have PND. Try to take a few days to relax if you can and get back on track with your medication. Your thought processes are being altered by the depression, so don't beat yourself up. You are a good mum who is unwell and is getting help.

Maybe a different type of medication would suit you better and not make you so tired? Perhaps ask your GP as they might have some suggestions?

Does your son's school know that you have PND and have been struggling to cope? They might be able to offer some support to your son, or at least have a little more understanding over his behaviour? Also, I don't know how old your son is, but have you explained to him that you're not well after the baby's arrival, and explained a bit about what's been going on? I don't know, but it might help him to understand a bit more and perhaps then he might open up about how he is feeling?

Take a deep breath and know that you WILL conquer this, hon. I know it doesn't feel like it at the darkest moments, but remember how much better you have felt when consistantly taking your meds. Thinking of you, hon. Sending big hugs. I've been where you are and you will come out the other side, just keep going. X

heavenly_mummy · Jul 13, 2012 7:29AM

Hi sah 83 my son is 7 and I've told him that I need to get used to having a baby around which may make mummy feel tired but I've told him I love him and that his funny dance he does always makes me smile his teachers know and have been doing their best to help him and me I have a check up next week at docs so I'll ask about the extreme tiredness I'm doing my best totry and slow down a bit I've been sleeping when little one does I'm just waiting for a new early years worker as mine was relocated 2 wks ago so having the weekly support will hopefully help thanks sah83 for ure kind words xx

oscar2 · Jul 13, 2012 11:27AM

hi heavenly mummy

sorry you are feeling so bad, remember as sah83 says your thoughts are distorted from being off the meds so it all feels overwhelming again. The next few days of taking them will make you feel better able to think clearly about your son. read your earlier post from 18th june, the medication has made the world of difference to you and will again, im sure its not without its downsides as you have said it makes you exhausted but this is one to discuss with the doctor when you have a clearer head. you sound like a lovely mum who cares very much about her children and im sure you will do what you have to do xx

Lee Johnson · Dec 31, 2012 9:09PM

I recently read a book that helped me a lot with my depression. I think the main point of it was really helpful. That the sufferer should first and foremost seek help and then take an active approach to make sure that they are healing along with finding a partner to help them on their journey. Also, it kind of opened my eyes to the different foods that can really worsen people's depression because of the different chemicals in the foods and how they can affect you. I know it doesn't seem like it but what I've discovered is that the little things all add up and can have a big impact on the way you feel. Feel better! The name of the book was 'you can cure your depression' by the way

Wondering what to do for the best?

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