Feel like a failure
Hi my baby girl is 4 months old. I was diagnosed with pnd early on and put on meds but im still not coping.
During my pregnancy i was worried that something would go wrong but nothing did and i delivered a helathy girl...it wasnt what i expected i had no connection that everyone talks about i just felt numb. I am lucky and have a great partner as all i did for the first 3 weeks was feed her and then palm her off to daddy i felt so numb all i did was cry and sleep....the turning point was my parter coming in and putting her in the shower with me....
Everything started going great she was sleeping and feeding and my bad days where far and few between...and then boom everything came crashibg down.
I started feeling numb again and then frustrated and angry...i feel so guilty....i cant stand when she cries its like a switch turns on and i burst into tears and after half an hour of her crying i yell at her....im such a bad person i yell at my 4 month old baby....she doesnt know any better...then the guilt sets in and i cry more and feel like as soon as my partner gets home ill hand her over and walk out the door and not come back...they will be better off without me...no emotional evil mother who yells and cries all the time.
My partner means well and he tries but i know he is frustrated with me he doesnt understand why i cry and get so frustrated...he gets 9 hrs without a screaming baby...i cant even put her to sleep without her crying for over an hour.
I feel like im going insane i dont know what to do anymore
Replies
Rena, I feel for you. First of all you are not a bad mother at all. Raising a baby is hard work. The good thing is you know you need some help and you are asking for it. Do you have a close friend or family member you could talk to ? I think you should contact the heelth visitor and go back to the doctors to see if they can adjust your medication it may not be working as well as it should for you. You also need to give your self some time and remember you are not alone in feeling like this. Hugs xxxx
Hi Rena92, we are so sorry you're having such a hard time of it. PND is so cruel, and can really make you doubt yourself. We wanted to point you in the direction of this thread which we hope will help - it's by other women who too are suffering with PND - you're not alone.
Please do try and be kind to yourself.