potty training (and an accidental rant)

cherrytomatoe · Sep 17, 2010 7:49AM

I really am having bad day, I warn you now this could be long and more likely to be a rant than warrant any replies, but advice on the potty training bit would be great, feel like a complete failure

.

Erin has been potty training since May and for a while she was great asking for the toilet and thought we had cracked it, but for the last month (maybe more) she has wet herself every day sometimes as much as 4 times a day!!! She has no infection. She drinks a lot but theres no way i'm cutting that back I love the fact she drinks a lot.
I have tried stickers charts which work for a short while but then novelty wears off.
I can keep her dry by regularly toileting her but in my view this isn't true potty training she isn't listening to her body telling her when she needs a wee, she is just going cos i have put her on the loo iyswim.
If i ask her if she needs a wee or a poo she always replies in a typical 2 year old tone of NO!! that is always her answer no matter what.
I can bribe her to get on the potty but again something I don't want to get into the habit of, for example if you wanna go to the park later then better go on potty etc etc.
If we spend the day at home and she has no lower half clothes on or a skirt 9/10 she will use the toilet or potty without being promted or asking or anything. But as soon as she has trousers on its like she cannot be bothered. I swear she is sometimes doing it on purpose but then feel so guilty for thinking that, if she is not.
When she does do a wee or poo on the potty I literally give her so much praise and clap and tell her how proud I am and she beams with pride.

What makes things worse is everyone i.e. Paul, Mum. Mil and sil keep telling me i need to start telling her off but i have read so much info saying that you can cause allsorts of anxiety around potty training if you tell them off for wetting themselves. They all strongly believe i should discipline her for wetting, they think its an attention thing and mil goes as far to say she is intentionally being naughty, which annoys me on so many levels, makes me feel like a failure as a mum, makes me feel bad for Erin if she truely doesn't get it yet.
I also recently when going out have started to put her in a pull up, and Paul has told me its my fault she is wetting for confusing her with pull ups - i have to agree with him on some level. but its me thats with her 100% of the time, its me that has to change her and do alll the washing and keep having to get Erin changed when sometimes she is misbehaving (running away or being deliberately defiant in not wanting to get dressed) and i'm the size of the house cannot bend and ache from spd grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!
I really just feel like a pregnant emotional mess and because paul cannot possible let his pool team down he has fucked off to paul leaving me an emotional mess! I could kill him tbh!!!

and breath.........

Any advice on the wetting herself would be great

thanks love Mez (36+4)

xxx

Deli3 · Sep 16, 2010 3:26PM

Awww mez...bloody men and in laws eh????

Right, i will try to help but firstly dont listen to them. I agree with you that telling her off will just make it worse. Keep calm!!!!

Amelia has been a hard nut to crack and has taken every ounce of my patience not to lose the will to live. I think tho that we forget that they are only little anything from 18 months to 4 years is in the normal boundaries for potty training.

Amelia was doing the same ( and on some days still does) I too thought it was attention seeking.

Now if she poos or wees I just tidy her up, put on clean pants and say NOTHING.

When she goes to the potty etc i hug her, praise her and do a little dance.

Also as you are sooo close to having number 2 which can make even the most potty trained child regress, why don't you scrap the whole thing and try again in 2 months or so???

It is never going to be easy whichever way you play it but your OH needs to be on your side so that you can be consistent with how you treat accidents.

Good luck

dxx

cherrytomatoe · Sep 16, 2010 3:50PM

Thanks for your reply Dee dee, It has made me feel calmer just getting it all out and you always know the right thing to say.

My mum keeps telling me I cannot go back now because it will confuse her as we have gone so long without nappies? do you think this is right? I really want an easy life right now so the most simple thing would be to put her back in nappies, esp as with the baby coming she might get worse still and i feel its causing strain on mine and Erin's relationship because i find it hard to keep my calm, i never shout but have got the mum guilt trip thing down to an art (which i promised i'd never do as my mum does it to me lol) anyhoo i'm waffling now!!

thanks again x x

p.s. I was going to be cheeky and send you a mesg on fb to pick your pro bf'ing brain about things to keep a 2 year old occupied whilst bf'ing a new born, i remember the early days with erin i spent the whole time sat down feeding but i don't get a moment to sit down at the moment, So wandered if you could give me some tips either here or fb, but realise its a bit cheeky!! x x x

fall3n-ang3l · Sep 16, 2010 4:14PM

i agree,i think you need to stop for a bit and try again,iam sure ive read that if they havent fully got it in 1-2wks then,there just not ready,i wouldnt worry yet,my 3 year old is still in nappies and he has no interest in potty training,its doing my head in,at this rate i will be potty training him at 18,the twins there 21months old and i swear they will be potty trained before him,special the boy as hes starting to show signs now,that hes getting ready...... the joys of been a parent eh!

aslo your not a failure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dont listing to what there telling you,YOU know best

Joey0810 · Sep 16, 2010 4:56PM

congrats on being pg....probably said it before, although dont recognise you as a regular poster on due in oct....im 34wks

Well i can say my daughter is fully potty trained during the day, althoug i would say it probs took about a month for her to sue the potty, pull her knickers down, skirt up and do a wee or poo without out being told/asked.

Have u tried putting her in a skirt as opposed to trousers. my dd actually findspulling her trousers down harder. I think she went a week with just a long top on, i then introduced the skirt. she learnt how she had to lift her skirt to sit on potty. When she had mastered this i then added the knickers. People always presume and I did this too that you should introduce knickers straight away. Get them used to sitting on the potty then get tehm used to pulling knickers down after. I used pull ups and still do when out in the car (scared of an accident lol!) but she still used the potty at home even when wearing them.
For me the secret was calling them a different name. She has nappies at night or sleeping and wheres pants aka pull ups when out in the car, sometimes when out and about shopping if im worried she might wet herself. The pull ups can be still pulled down like knickers and theyc an feel when they wet themselves as you know. I personalyl felt calling them pants meant she didnt associate it as a nappy where she could wee in it.

My dd also went through the no stage, I did note that she used to do a little jiggle/dance when she needed a wee so i would just put her on the potty to save an accident. I ddint say anything just did it or reminded her that the potty is by the door.

The times when she did have an accident - yes its hard not to get annoyed. I did like you, put her on the potty, changed her knickers and just reminded her that when she needed the toilet the potty was by the door. Our bathroom is upstairs.
UIve never used sticker charts or bribed...only used choco buttons a few times when she pooed in potty or toilet. A few times it went on the carpet or stairs!! Ignore relatives, do what you think is best. Hubby was all for she shud be potty trained blaha t 2yrs, but stil doesnt really do much to encourage it. He will put her on the potty but refuses to empty it! Oh asnd mil tells me all 6 kids were potty trained by 18months. i just smile sweetly and ignore. Fact is on average most children arent potty trained during the day until 2.5-3yrs. We just presume as mothers that its more the 2yrs mark.

When i first started the potty training, the sat she went well then the sun she kept wetting ehrself with husband. I left her for a few days tehn started again. Has anything happened/have you been more stressed in teh alst month that she has gone to wetting herself. Might be worth just putting her in the pull ups as opposed to knickers and calling tehm opants not nappies and putt her on the potty pre and psleeps, bath, meals etc. If she hasnt got the nack of it, chances are it could possible stay that way after baby is born to get your attentiosn.

Sscn · Sep 17, 2010 5:07AM

Hi,

I agree that you should leave it for a wee while and start again.

I tried to potty train DD around her second birthday - she seemed ready, and I was off work for a week so thought it was a perfect time. She didn't react well at all, she knew she needed a pee, but would hide to do it rather than use the potty. So we left it.

I finished work in Jan at 36 weeks pg, and she was showing so many signs of being ready at this stage that I wished I could start training, but knew it was pointless so close to bringing a new baby into the house.

I ended up starting when he was only 4 weeks old, as she was so ready that I didn't want to miss the window, and she basically trained herself within a week.

So the point of my post so far is that when she is truly ready, it will happen, and easily. This battle you're currently having isn't good for any of you.

I also agree that you shouldn't tell her off. Negative attention is still attention to a child, so if the wetting is attention seeking behaviour, telling her off will only increase it.

You've less than 4 weeks before your baby arrives, stick her back in nappies and enjoy your last few weeks together. And relax!! xxx

charlm · Sep 17, 2010 5:47AM

having lo 2 was why i postponed potty training lo 1, she was 3 (i did it the summer before she started school and used this as an aid pointing out that she can't wear nappies at school) when i did her and she took to it like a duck to water so goes to show that waiting can be more rewarding. i took the same approach with lo 2 tried him at 2 1/2 but couldn't even tell if he'd wet himself without looking, tried 6 months later and hey presto (again done the summer before school, this is a fab reward to offer). lo 3, i give up, once he turned 2 i had people saying comments like its time to potty train him before baby arrives (he was 2 in dec and baby due in april), but i too had spd and seriously couldn't be doing with crawling round the floor mopping up after him, plus it was easier in my opinion to leave him in nappies for the time being. i have now been trying to potty train him for 4 months with no joy, if i ask him if he wants to go he will go, but won't go off his own accord. but he is the first one i have ever used pull ups for, but as of next week they are going in the bin, one of the mums at playschool has just been putting pants on her lo and hoping for the best and he's done really well so thats my approach next week too xx

Deli3 · Sep 17, 2010 7:49AM

hiya

I think most here agree that you should put her back in nappies and approach it when the baby is a month or so old UNLESS she is making signs that she wants to do it. Leave the potty around the house and then if she wants to she can use it??? The last few weeks of pregnancy are hard and its the last time it will just be you and her at home during the day. Enjoy that time as you will never get it back! Also, when you are in hospital etc and she is going to be out of routine it will be easier for her to be in nappies rather than have to ask G'ma or whoever for the potty???

As for BF.. ofcourse I dont mind you asking. Anytime!

When Charlie was born joseph was 17 months and when Amelia was born Charlie was 30 months. I BF them all. It was probably easier with the 17 month old as he was still having 2 sleeps a day and was happy to play while I fed. When Amelia was small i would have Charlies fav dvd on and played that. Also, you should now get a basket or a box ready with nice books, pencils and paper, her fav dvds etc.. then you can have these nearby while you feed. There will be days when she plays up. You just need to be more prepared than you were with Erin. Also have some snacks handy that can be used as a bribe to sit down or be good while you feed the baby.
I also found bargaining good. I would say IF you are good while I feed Amelia then I will play playdoh with you etc.. Also, I made sure the room I fed was a 'safe' area. I had a stair gate at the door so they had to stay in the room with me.

Most of all tho relax. If your not relaxed you will find feeding the baby hard work. Get her a dolly with a bottle and nappies so she can copy you? Show her pics of her as a baby so she knows she was once that small.

Good Luck and if I think of anything else I will let you know.

d x

potty training (and an accidental rant)

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