so scared its going to happen again

ForeverRemembered · Feb 24, 2011 11:19AM

im 14 and already expeianced miscarrige, it was the worst feeling ever. Im pregnant again and im so scraed its all going to happen again, to be honest i dont think i want to continue. Any support or advice?

Aishhaa · Jan 12, 2011 12:31PM

sorry just to be sure your 14 years old?

pregnancy can be very scary when you have experienced miscarriage and i have found the ladies on here are amazing at supporting you even if its just to say 'thinking of you' or 'i bet you and bubba will be fine'.

Have you got any support from family/partner, sorry but obviously if you are 14 its a difficult age at the best of times without the worry of another life your carrying.

Aisha x x

ForeverRemembered · Jan 13, 2011 10:47AM

i havnt got much support ove got the babys dad but we're not in a good stage at the moment, my mum said she will help because she didnt care last time but thats it i dont see my dad. Its so scary im scared its goin to happen again, the first time i wanted the baby but this time i dont even want to be pregnant, some people are telling me to atleast try it because aboriton will mess up my head and others are saying do what i want to do, i really dont know if i can be a good mum though.

Thank you x

Baby_on_Board · Jan 14, 2011 12:07PM

Hello FR, At your age you have plenty of time to have children, so if you decide now is not the right time then that is up to you alone and only you can make that decision - I'm sure you are getting all kinds of 'advice' but what you have to do it do what YOU want as you are the one who has to live with that decision for the rest of your life, whether that be to raise a child now, or not.

I am sorry to hear you had a mc, I had 3 mc's before this pregnancy, and so it can happen again but the chances are at your age it won't - I'm an old women compared to you hence my recurring mc's - so do try to put that out of your mind for now and concentrate on your decision on how you want to move forward. You don't sound as if you do want to carry on with this and if you decide that you really need to consider some form of birth control if you continue to be sexually active not only for your sanity but also for your health - and I am not saying that because of your age I would say that to anyone who got pregnant twice without meaning to.

I would break your decision down into steps and talk each one through with an adult you can trust and whose opinion you respect. Maybe a school nurse or counselor, aunt or a friends mum?

Ask yourself the following questions:

How will I financially support this baby?

Can I give this baby the best life right now?

Can I put my life/education on hold to raise this baby?

Can I go through with an abortion/adoption?

How will my life change if I have this baby/if I choose not to?

Be honest with your answers and talk them through.

I have heard of many success stories of young women raising babies but you have to have a strong support structure around you as raising a baby is hard work especially when you are still finding your way yourself.

Good luck and we're all here if you need to talk.

Virgo2188 · Jan 14, 2011 12:40PM

Hi hun,

I think firstly you need to ignore everyone else. It's all very well them saying they will support you but will they in 5-10 years time when baby is growing up and you're struggling?

Having a baby at 14 is going to be hard. You need to consider what future both you and your baby will have financially and emotionally.

Also i think to be pregnant at the age of 14 for the second time you need to take some responsibility for using contraception. Abortion, is not easy physically and emotionally and is certainly not a form of contraception.

If you decide that you want to go through with the pregnancy then this needs to be your decision only. It's going to be hard and you need trustworthy dependable people who are going to stick by you, even if they're professionals you can find. Having a baby at any age is hard, but having one with no financial support, before you've finished your education and before your even sure it's what you want it going to be extra hard. Remember babies aren't cute little babies for long, they grow into children and you still have to raise them whilst all of your friends are going out partying and off to college etc. Please consider your options carefully. As for your previous miscarriage, the chances are it won't happen again so try not to worry about that (easier said than done i know)!

If you choose abortion you need to do it as soon as possible. It can take 2-3 weeks to get through all of your consultations and after 9 weeks gestation the procedure changes so the sooner you can get the ball rolling so to speak the better. It may be worth just making an appointment and attending the consultation for some advice. Either that or go to your local family planning service and the nurses there will have a chat with you.

Sorry if this all sounds abit harsh/blunt but i think given this is your second pregnancy you need to take some responsibility to stop it happening again regardless of what you choose to do this time.

Let us know how you get on!

xx

ForeverRemembered · Jan 14, 2011 3:27PM

thanks for the advice and yeah i know it was a mistake and i didnt think it would happen so soon, i spoke to a school nurse today and she said im chosing the harsest but bravest option, i think im going ahead with abortion but what hurts the most is that i could have such a beautiful baby out of this and im just going to let it disolve and its just going to be like another miscarrige but i believe this is going to be the best for me and baby, its not fair bring a baby into the world with no stable home, no money, no father and a mum that is out all day at school. i cant expect my mum to help me with money, house, babysitting and support its to much to ask. I just hope im doing the right thing.

Baby_on_Board · Jan 14, 2011 3:55PM

FR - you are making a very brave decision, and one that feels right for you at the time sweetie, this decision will be a hard one and you will most likely think about it alot between now and your scheduled date, but the thing to remember is that this is YOUR decision no one forced you and you made a decision that is right for you at this current time - never look back and wonder what if - that will only lead to misery. You will have a wonderful family one day and a support system to help you. In the mean time look after yourself, use birth control (you are very fertile when younger!) and get yourself on the track you want to be on with your education and carreer.

Good luck. x

MumOf2andBump · Jan 14, 2011 5:16PM

Sorry g/c.

I agree with the other ladies you have to do what is right for you. I had an abortion at 17 as I knew I wasn't ready to bring another life into the world and give a baby the proper love and care that it needs. It wasn't an easy decision to make and I spent a lot of time considering my options, but I was at college, had no job and was living with my parents, I couldn't have supported a child either emotionally or financially. It's not something I regret though as I know I couldnt have provided the sort of life a baby needs (I'm sure I will get shot for saying that!). I have since had a son who is 4 in March and then suffered a mc (in December 2009) but went on to have another perfectly healthy pregnancy and now have an 8 week old son. I was 22 when my first son was born and it was harder than I ever imagined and I found it very hard to cope, it changes your life more than you can ever understand until you have a baby and there were times I really struggled. I love my boys more than anything in the world and would do anything for them but it's very hard work, and I have a lot of people to support me. I don't think I would have coped at all at 17 and certainly not at 14. I am still with the person I was with when I had the abortion and we're married now, been together 10 years and he's a great support. I think you have made a very brave decision but given your circumstances it's probably the best decision, you still have plenty of time to start a family hun.

Sorry for rambling, just thought it might help to have perspective from someone who has suffered mc and had an abortion as well.

Hope this helps.

Xxx

Aishhaa · Jan 14, 2011 7:40PM

Hi sweetie as the other ladies have said this is such a difficult age to be at and to have to make this decision is just terrible.

I do think it's really good you have spoken to the school nurse but can I also suggest that you speak to either your doctor or family planning about some counselling for yourself and what it is you need to do to take control of your life

I know I'm an old fuddy duddy but at 14 you should not be having to deal with this and having such a serious relationship sexually when you should be experiencing so many other things makes me wonder if maybe you could do with some help.

I do think you have been really brave and I hope talking to these lovely ladies has helped.

Whatever you decide to do is the right decision, if you need to talk I'll keep an eye out for you.

All the best., cuddles Aisha

X x

ForeverRemembered · Jan 16, 2011 10:55AM

thanks everyone for the adive and support, and i realise im so young to start a family and its way to young to have to deal with this. I actually cant believe im going through with this but its for the best, everyone is there holding ym hand and even though me and the babys father are not together he had been at my house everynight helping me, and being there when i need him. Ive got my first appointment next week, to talk about the procedure and to check im ok for abortion. Its nice to hear what other people have to say and their experiances and it really has helped. I odont feel like im neing slefish anymore, id be selfish to bring a baby into the world with no money and love. When this is over im already planning what birth control is best for me and i can go back to being a school girl.

I'll try to keep you all posted on how the abortion is going.

xx

Virgo2188 · Jan 16, 2011 12:05PM

HI hun,

If i'm honest i think you're making the right decision. There is no black and white i'm for/against abortion because you have to consider the circumstances of the individual involved.

The reason i was banging on about contraception is because i work in family planning and we see too many young girls in your positon, many of whom end up coming back for 2nd/3rd and even 4th terminations (although the NHS is clamping down on this). Are you going through BPAS? If so they can arrange for an implant/coil to be fitted after the termination has been carried out. They're very reliable, despite the media uproar last week. If not maybe discuss with the nurse something else you might feel comfortable with. They will be happy to get you started on something straight away.

There will probably be times you'll look back and wonder if you made the right decision but you have to consider the whole circumstance right now and not just that you "had an abortion" so to speak. People will judge you either way if they know, but it's you that has to live the rest of your life with the consequences of this decision.

I think when you decide that the time is right to have children and realise just how hard and demanding it is, you'll feel more comfortable with your decision now.

I suggest that you make this decision worth its while by working hard at school, realising all your dreams and creating a career for yourself you would never have been able to pursue whilst having a baby at 14. And find yourself a nice man when your abit older who will care for you and your baby.

Good luck and come back and let us know how you get on.

xx

Aishhaa · Jan 18, 2011 9:36AM

I just want to say I agree with everything Sharn said and would love to hear how you have managed to turn your life around so please keep us informed

Xx

chowny · Jan 21, 2011 5:11PM

I didn't want to read and run, I just wanted to say that reading this thread and everyones comments brought a tear to my eye, for all sorts of reasons.

I think you are a very brave young lady and I wish you all the very best for the future, I am sure you will come through this experience a very strong person who has a great perspective on life.

Good luck my lovely.

Hugs Chowny x x

ForeverRemembered · Jan 24, 2011 11:55AM

i feel so lucky to have all this support and yeah im am so very young, and really to young to give a baby what it needs, so ive already had an appointment to talk about the abortion procedure and im booked in for wednesday to have the temination, im so scared but trying to stay as strong as i can. i just hope i ownt regre tit. it sounds silly but sometimes i think is this god trying to say sorry and replcaing the baby i lost, its stupid but it makes me think. no one is forcing me to do this actually the babys father is begging me to keep it, but its mainly his fault i dont want to bring a baby into the world to let him hurt it like he hurt me, i will always class the babys as my babys but babys that were to special to bring into this horrible world, when this is over my main prioritys is to get good grates at school, help my mum get better and the most improtant one sort my life and and make sure im happy, i will never look back at what ive done because i have plenty of time to have babys and i cant wait to have a propler family, i do think i could be a great mum now but it wouldnt have a proper family we dont have a stable relationship, we dont have jobs, we live with out parents and we're both still at school none of it would work, its best to wait.

thanks for all the support its been so nice

i feel so much better xx

summer_76 · Jan 30, 2011 3:18PM

just wanted to add that i too think you are very brave and wish you all the very best x

leishxx · Feb 24, 2011 11:19AM

Hey,

didnt want to just read and then not write anything.

Every person is different, as is every situation, but if it brings any comfort,I had an abortion at 15, and i still believe it was the best possible decision i could have made. I appreciate at the time its not that simple, but trust me when i say there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and one day you will be in a fantastic relationship, and will have a baby knowing you can give it all the love attention and stability it will need.

Until then, enjoy yourself, give yourself a chance to be young and stupid with your friends, and try not to let this form a cloud over your head.It's for the best.

xxx

so scared its going to happen again

Replies

Featured Discussions

Promoted Content