Forum home Pregnancy Pregnancy

The second pregancy lull?

I am 6+0 with number 2. Although I am very excited, it seems I am the only one haha.

I have found no one really cares as much this time around and also I have felt more 'guilty' strangely at being pregnant when other close friends/family are still trying or had MC's.

I am not sure who to talk to about my 'concerns' as they all appear so selfish and ungratful.

I am fearful of sleep......OMG I am so fearful of (she whispers) 'the sleep'. Or lack of it. My 16 month old still doesnt sleep though (we are working on it) and the thought of a newborn and toddler and prospect of no sleep scares me more than anything. I am a v strong woman but sleep deprivation is the ONLY thing in my life that has nearly broken me.

Secondly I am scared of being lonely, it is hard to meet friends and co-ordinate meets especially with like minded people and people with similar ages children.

Who have/did you draw your second peg support from?

Sorry for the waffle and I am truely grateful to have this precious bean in my tummy and want it so badly...just silly hormones making me have a 'moment' the past couple of days about coping with a toddler and a newborn.

Thanks for reading lately xxx


  • Hey you. Your thread voiced the exact same concerns I have been having. M is 10 months and doesn't sleep through. She did until about 2 months ago when she cut her first teeth and then she started waking between 4.30 and 5am for a bottle. She downs about 6oz so I haven't the heart to deprive her of it! To be fair, the poppet goes to bed between 6.15 and 6.30 (we literally can't get her to stay up any later!) so I guess I can't have it all...I am terrible with sleep and (I kid you not!) the last couple of weeks there have been a few occassions where I have gone to bed at the same time as her. By 8pm (if I am still up!) I am a wreck image

    As for the isloation, this is something I am really struggling with. We moved from the south east to Scotland in the summer and now I am pregnant I desperately want to go home to be near my parents. M and I go to a different baby group every week day but I realise that with a toddler and a newborn I won't be able to do that. Am terrified I will become even more of a hermit! image

    Really sorry - just realised I haven't actually offered ANY advice at all but hopefully some other wise peeps will be able to enlighten us!

    K x
  • Definitely with you on this one. I am now 14 weeks pg with no.2 but went through a real crisis of confidence at around the 8-9 week mark. I couldn't get my head around how I will cope with two.

    We are still not sleeping through with Gabe but he has now gone into a proper single bed with a guard and we had a marginally better night last night so fingers crossed.

    I know I need to get to more groups but I just don't have the energy or inclination at the moment.

    Hubby is being really good and helping out at nights etc. so my fear of no sleep when Sprout comes along has been alleviated a little as I know he will help.

    As for 2nd peg support, my parents have been a rock. I also have a good friend who's son is one month younger than Gabe. Sadly she works full time now but we try and get together when we can. Otherwise, I am pretty much on my own.

    I think it is one of those situations that we can only deal with once it arrives.

    You are going to be a fab mummy to both of your children and you will cope - we all do because that is what makes us mummies (if you know what I mean). image

  • ladyk, I know how you feel, I went through the exact same thoughts for a good few weeks after finding out we were having number two. I was doubley terrified as our ds had really bad colic and I cant imagine coping with that again and a toddler at the same time!

    A few weeks on, I do feel much better about things now and the cold night sweats at the thought of all the sleepless nights have subsided a bit now!!

    My ds is a little older than yours, he is 26 months but I have worked out the things we would like to get "sorted" with him before the new baby is born and we are working on them one by one. I feel like we are in a bit more control now and if we can get some or all of the things sorted, hopefully life will be a teensy bit easier when the new one arrives.

    Things on our list:

    Move to big bedroom to free up nursery - done

    Move to big boys bed - done - was nervous about this but no probs so far!

    Potty train - happening now :roll:

    Encourage him to help dress / undress - also doing this now

    Drop dummy he still has at bedtime

    Get him to be lots better at feeding himself

    I think anything you can do to encourage them to be a little more independant early on might ease things a bit for them when the new baby is born, they wont feel so left out if already used to doing little things for themselves.

    Its not going too badly so far, I'll be happy if we get one or two more things sorted before I get too pregnant and too tired to care!!

    Just thinking, if you like to be in control and plan like me, it may help you to get a similar set of "targets".

    Anyway, good luck, hope you feel brighter about this pregnancy soon, I found once I got to 12 weeks and could shout about it I felt SOOOO much more excited.

  • Thanks so much for your replies ladies, it is so nice to know I am not alone in my thoughts.

    I really do need to start ticking off the 'sorting out' list - mainly bottle for naps and bed (but keep putting the drama off, will start soon)
  • I can relate to what you are saying on the lonliness front. I dont get out to any toddler groups or anything as I dont have a car when hubby takes it to work and due to health issues I cant walk far to trek down to them so I do fear getting even more lonely especially as I leave work on Friday (eeek).

    I'm lucky that Charlotte sleeps 7pm-7am (sometimes 8am) but I am a hibitually bad sleeper anyway so I know a newborn is still gonna be a struggle with a toddler. Hubby works shifts so wont always be around to help but i'll cope, after all what choice will I have !
  • Your post hit a nerve with me too. I am awful with the lack of sleep. Theo is 21 months and pretty much sleeps through although since Christmas it's been a bit up and down, but he does go back to sleep very quickly when he wakes in the night. The heartburn over the last week though has kept me up at night and I'm sooooo tired. I know how much I struggled with the lack of sleep last time and keep wondering how I'm going to manage come May when I am up all night with a newborn and then have to get up at 7am or whenever (sometimes much earlier) with Theo :?

    The loneliness thing also concerns me although I realise I should count my blessings that my mum lives closeby as does my sister who's just had a baby and I have made a few friends with similar aged babies since we moved when Theo was 5 weeks old. I really wanted to do the NCT refresher course to make some more friends with babies the same age as this little one, but we are away for half of it so it seemed daft. I think I'm also panicking about it because we are going to have to move house as we only have a tiny 2 bed cottage, with not enough space for Theo & the baby in the second room and I don't want to have to move too far.

    Actually this has caught me at a bad time, I've been feeling tired and fed up the last few days so sorry to not offer any positive advice!

    On a more positive note, I keep telling my husband that it will be short term pain for long term gain, as the sleepless nights will be the pain but we will have two children reasonably close in age who in a year or two will be play buddies, meaning we can sit back a bit more and enjoy them image Also all my friends who have had second babies reassure me it's nowhere near as hard as it is the first time! And as Lambchop says, we'll cope because we have to! Before you know it you'll be through the difficult phase and out the other side and wishing you could turn back the clock as your babies are growing up!
  • I'm expecting baby #2 any day now and about 3-4weeks ago I hit my lonelyness stage. I moved to Wales 5years ago and although I love it here the only friends I've made are work ones other then that i've become close to my SIL. It never hit me before but since OH has been cramming in spending time with his friends before the baby comes It struck me that other then looking after DD thats all my life revolves around.

    I managed to pull myself out off it though after nights crying myself to sleep ect, that i'll be far to busy to care in the coming few weeks an that i'll have to find time for a social life if events crop up.

    As for pregnancy my parents have been great as with the inlaws all very much excited about the new addition, i just find its friends that dont seem to give a hoot 2nd time around if they dont have any off there own the novelty was there for my DD but 2nd time around there not fussed. It's only the ones with babies that show a keaner interest.x
  • I was actually going to post about this too as I am feeling exactly the same.

    I have been feeling really tearful the last few days worrying about everything.

    No one seems interested in this pg. Even OH tbh! He comes home from work and doesn't even ask how I am. If I say I'm tired he says he is too - errrm yeah, but you're not growing a baby as well as working and looking after a feisty toddler are you? Oh, AND doing EVERYTHING around the house. Grrrrrr.

    I am seriously bricking it about how I will cope when this baby arrives. As you know DD was a nightmare with milk and really miserable at the start, plus I had such bad PND I am terrified of being that low again. And I worry about stuff like how I will have the time and energy to make all the lovely purees etc I made for DD1! Ridiculous to be worrying about that so early!

    BUT I DO want 2 children and keep telling myself that this will be short term pain for long term gain! In 2 years time it will all be worth it!

    Anyway, you are def not alone in how you're feeling. I spoke to my sis about this the other day (as in freaking out about coping with 2 etc not about PND, loneliness etc) and she said she had a massive freak out early on as well and emailed practically everyone she knew with 2 children to ask how they found it!

  • I am g/c from born in jan!!

    I had my little girl nearly 6 wks ago and have a 6 year old boy too. I know it's not quite the same as a toddler but I just wanted to reply as I had the exact same fears you have!!

    Obv the age gap means that I had got used to whole nights sleep and socialising so that was my biggest fear! How on earth would I cope with no sleep and having to do the school run plus have some resemblance if a life! Lol!!

    When they say no 2 babies are the same it is totally true! My little girl could not be any different if she tried!! No colic and sleeps like a dream!! So bear this in mind too!! Lol!!

    As for the no friends/support thing, I lost my job in oct 2009 and only really have one friend with a baby! It was hard as she was/still is trying for her number 3 but is having problems plus she list a baby to SIDS! Despite all this she is the most amazing woman and helped me so much. She lent us so much stuff plus was a shoulder to cry on when I needed it. If you can find just one person to have in support I would treasure them!!

    As for the 2 kids thing I have actually found it easier than I'd ever imagine to go from one to two! I think it does help with little mans age and being at school but you will cope I promise. I had the same fears the whole pregnancy so totally get where your coming from.

    This site has been a god send and I wish it was around with my son!

    This prob hasnt really helped but I wanted you to know that it might not be as bad as you think!

  • MummyJC that has actually helped loads! xxx (oh and congratulations)
  • OK, I'm afraid this is not going to be a 'see the light' post i'll keep it short and simple, I already have two children close together (20 months age gap) they are now 4 and approaching 6, neither sleep through the night even now and no. 3 is due in 7 and a bit weeks, the way you cope is because you have to! There is no other way, it is tough but you get through it because of the love you have for your children.

    Don't make life overly difficult for yourself, every child is different, great if #1 is out of nappies, given up the dummy/bottle, is in their own room in their own bed by the time #2 arrives, but hey, so what if they haven't, do it all in yours and your childrens own time, there is no point in making life difficult for yourself, they will do these things when you are both good and ready, you don't meet many five year olds still sleeping in a cot, having a bottle at bedtime, needing a dummy to settle and still in nappies!! You will also find #2 fits in easily into the routine you already have and you will also be more chilled out about everything!

  • Hello ladies image

    I am expecting our 4th baby and I can honestly say when I was expecting my 2nd I felt exactly the same. But you DO cope and whats more it is possible to enjoy it! I have a 7yr old, 30 month old and a 20 month old so there is just 10 months between my youngest 2 and I love it. Its so lovely having them close together, their best of friends and play really nicely (most of the time!). But they are both very good sleepers, they sleep from 7-7 every night and tend to nap for a couple of hours during the day too.

    I agree with the above post, every child is different. If a bottle/dummy helps them to settle at nap or bedtime then so be it! Don't make life harder than it needs to be. Ok so the "advice" is that every child should be off bottles by 12 months but I think very few actually are! My youngest two both have bottles, one in the morning and one at bedtime and they also have a dummy for nap and bedtimes. My eldest was the same then when she got to 3.5 and started nursery she happily gave them both up with very little prompting from us. Every child will do things when they are ready.

  • HI girls, thanks for the 'dose of relality' it is needed sometimes. Pickles you share my mums school of thought so I hear what you are saying. The problem is my mum didnt work with us (I dont know if you work) but my OH leave 7.30am and gets in 7pm and I work shifts so LO isnt in childcare all the time. I work usually 2pm-12am.

    Soooooo the problem with 'the bottle' lies deeper than me not wanting him to have it. I am more than happy for him to have his bottle, the problem is he doesnt know how to self settle without it, which can me me waking several times a night to give it back to him. So when I only have about 5 hours of precious sleep having to keep getting up to give him his bottle is very exausting. So we are going to try and stop the bottle in bed senario if that makes sense.

    I know 'we cope because we have to' but the sad fact is lots and lots of women dont else PND wouldnt be so rife also. And 'coping' and existing doesnt always make a 'good' mum'. A shattered mum sitting on her sofa staring blankly through exhaustion at her child playing on its own all day watching tv is in one context 'coping/existing' but I want more than that I suppose. (hahaha and I have done that once or twice whilst having my eyelids held up by matchsticks)

    I hope that has come accross how it was meant to. And for the record, I think you are amazing with your age gaps, how much fun for them in a few years, this is what I keep telling myself!!
  • Hi again LadyK, just wanted to add having read the other posts that when advising you to get some things sorted before number two arrives, I hope you didnt think I was saying to put yourself under lots of pressure to push your child to do things they're not ready for!

    More I meant that, for example, the situation you are dealing with re the bottle and the night waking, its a "battle" you know you are going to have to deal with at some point, it would be easier to do it sooner rather than later. I hope you know what I mean and I think you're right to try to sort out your little ones bottle in bed thing. Sometimes these things sort themselves out a lot easier than you imagine! Fingers crossed this is one of those things.

    My example is that my little boy at 2 and a 1/2, MUCH prefers me to feed him even though he is perfectly able to do it himself, obviously all my fault, I've always helped him eat even when I knew he was doing it himself at nursery. He is not going to be happy at first when I bite the bullet and stop helping him, but hopefully can encourage him with reward charts and lots of praise so by the time the new baby arrives he will be happy enough to do it himself and not notice that mummy now doesnt have as much time to feed him every mouthful.

    I think we do all cope, but as you've said, I would much rather be coping well and not feeling like I'm completley frazzled for the next few years. xxx
  • Dont put too much pressure on yourself akaladyk, you can only do what you can do. No one can be a super mum (at least not all of the time), I wont be working when my 2nd arrives however I have M.E which is very dibilitating and I had to think hard before having no.2 but I still figure i'll do it because i'll have to. A day here and there of mummy on the sofa and cbeebies on the tv isnt going to damage my kids and on days when i have more energy i'll be able to do more with them.

    There is no hard and fast rules here, you just do what you can !
  • ok, not sure if my post was interpreted as it was meant to, but like Lambchop has said, (and probably phrased a bit better!) Don't put too much pressure on yourself! Yes, the bottle thing probably does need sorting if he won't settle without one, (my two just don't sleep it's not that they need a comforter or the like) but don't look at it as you need to do it because you are pregnant with no. 2, I'm sure ideally you would have liked to have got it sorted anyway. I am also not dismissing anyone with PND, I suffered it myself after the birth of my second, no-one wants to suffer from it but it's is a chemical imbalance, and something you can't prevent or encourage, don't worry about it until it happens, many women do have PND, but just as many don't, it doesn't matter whether it's their 1st, 2nd or 5th, you may get it, you may not, I still struggle now, not with PND, but, for example, I am almost 33 weeks pg and I have two children at home on half term, the constant noise, shouting, fighting, arguing and mess is driving me insane, it doesn't neccessairly get any easier once they are out of the baby and toddler stage, but you find different coping techniques like different ways of amusing them and tiring them out (obviously easier when they are slightly older)

    I guess what I was trying to say in a roundabout way was that you find your own way, you adapt and moving up to a family of four doesn't have to be as drastic and life changing as going from a couple to a family of 3. I hope I didn't offend with my previous post, that was not my intention. xxx
  • I'm not entirely sure how that was intended in all honesty!

    No, coping or just existing is not what you want, but as I said it is perfectly possible to enjoy having more than one child. Don't get me wrong we have our good days and our bad days but on the whole I really enjoy it! I suffered PND after the birth of my second child. It was horrible but I coped because I had two beautiful children to get out of bed for. And for me it was a case of coping because I had to, I made the decision to bring those children into the world so it was up to me to look after them reguardless of how little sleep I had had the night before! I managed and I believe that even if I was/am exhausted sometimes that doesn't mean I'm not a good mum, I'm just human!

    I'm not really sure how to advise you only to say that I'm sure you will be surprised at how easily you adapt.

    As for the bottles again I don't really know what to say to that. Have you thought about controlled crying? It can be quite an exhausting and draining process but it does work and in the long run you will get more sleep.

    Oh, and I work from home so that probably doesn't count!

  • Thanks for the replies girlies no offence taken what-so-ever refreshing to see different point of views.

    I know I will cope....I suppose its just the antisapation of it all...feeling better today.

    As for the sleeping issues eeeek I have to brave it and do it soon x
  • I may not be you DH or your Mum but i am Stupidly over excited about your little bean!! I can honestly say that you will NOT be lonelyimageand if you are then i will have failed lol!

    I have been having the same worries recently but mine are over if i will have PND again, how will i cope with a newborn and DS1 not walking, How will i be able to get them ready for bed when DH is working nights... But i know i got through it once and with support of family and friends i will again!!!

Sign In or Register to comment.

Featured Discussions