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sensitive situation
II am about 5 ?? weeks pregnant with my second baby.?? Very recently (just before we found out we were pregnant) a close relative lost her baby at around 20 weeks.?? She and her husband are obviously devastated and have been through a horrible ordeal. When DH and I found out we are expecting one of our first thoughts was of them and how/when would be best to tell them.?? We decided it would be best to tell them first, so there was no chance of them finding it our second hand and we would be as sensitive as we could.?? We also decided it would probably be best to wait until after the scan to make sure everything is ok as if there was a problem we wouldn???t want to put them through any further distress that could bring up painful memories again. My problem is, although I am only 5 ?? weeks my trousers are already a bit snug and my BBs are quite a bit bigger ??? I just look like I???m putting on weight.?? I showed quite early in my first pregnancy ??? I think around 14 weeks I had a noticeable bump, but nothing much earlier than that, I certainly didn???t notice anything at this stage!?? I have done a bit of reading around online and it seems quite common for women to show a good bit earlier with their second.?? In this case I am now concerned that if we wait until 12 weeks they will already have figured it out for themselves and we want to avoid that. On top of that we are going away for the weekend together as a family a few weeks before the scan would be due and I don???t want them to a) either guess and feel awkward because they think we???re keeping it from them b) tell them before and have them feel like they???re still obliged to spend the weekend with us if there???s a possibility they might want a bit of space. I should point out they are one of the loveliest couples you could meet, in no way is our concern that they will react negatively and we want to avoid a scene, it is genuine concern for their feelings.?? I am just aware that it has been such a painful situation for them it would be perfectly ok if they wanted time away for a bit or if they felt upset in a way by the news.?? We just want to make sure that we limit any pain or distress that the news could cause to a minimum.?? Any advice welcome please, should we tell them earlier ??? ie before the scan and before the planned weekend away, or wait until after and risk that they/or someone else guesses before?
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Hello, Im not sure I can help but didn't want to read and run. Aw you sound like a lovely sensitive couple. Its a tricky situation, as i had a mc and dreaded people announcing their pregnancies (I am pregant now thankfully, 36 weeks ) If I were you I would wait until after your weekend away, as going off myself I would of found it really hard to spend a weekend with someone who just told me they were preganat. A year after my mc one of my close friends told me she was pregnant and although I was over the moon for her and I didn't show my feelings I was upset and I couldn't see her for a couple of weeks. But thats just me your relative may be different. Hopefully you won't show too much by then. However if you think they would guess then maybe you will have to tell them and they will find out sooner or later. Aw I feel sorry for you having this dilemma when it should be a nice time for you and you all sound like nice caring people so \im sure it will all be fine in the long run. wishing you a happy healthy pregnancy and seding a big hug to your relatives for their loss xxx hope \iwas useful!
I think in that case we will wait and see what size I'm going to be. The thing is we would be going away to stay in their holiday house so if it turns out we need to break the news sooner we can always just say we understand it might be difficult for them and we're fine with just letting them go on their own if it would make them uncomfortable/they need some time. My main concern is that they'll just say it's fine even if it isn't or that if we manage to hide it and have to tell them after then they might feel like we tricked them into going away-that maybe sounds really silly!
Thanks for the advice though,it was very helpful.
Hope your next four weeks are happy and comfortable and you have a nice easy delivery!