Hi ladies finally I can log in again!! So here goes

I had an EMCS 4 months ago, background was 14 days overdue induced given 2 gels, had waters broken then an EMCS for fetal distress at 1cm dilated. I have always felt a little put out by the way I gave birth mainly because I felt let down by my body that I couldn't labour at all but I had been doing well with it slowly coming to terms with it, until this weekend when a friend announced to everyone (including some pregnant friends) at dinner that they should have a c-section as its the easy option, just like I did! This tipped me over the edge a little and I got extremely upset about it and my insecurities came flowing back.
Did anyone else feel like this, if so did it get better? I have emailed the hospital today to request a birth reflection meeting to see if this helps- has anyone done this also?
Sorry if this upsets anyone, I am obviously grateful for my child delivered safely and that's the main thing.


  • I haven't had a section myself but I just wanted to say I in no way find it the easy option....I'm mightily pissed off at your friend on your behalf. As I've never had surgery the thought of a section scared the hell out of me. I really hope the birth reflections  helps you. Ignore your friend though....she is completely clueless!

  • I'm with Coco! It looks like this one is going to be a section due to low lying placenta and I'm petrified of the surgery and of the recovery period afterwards. Who does she think she is? I hope you had a go at her.

    I've no personal experience of birth reflections, but hope it's useful for you. Remember though, all that matters is that your baby was safely delivered and you are both well xx

  • Sorry, haven't had a section but what your friend said is way off the mark, I've never heard anyone speak of it as easy, especially if a necessity. Hope you get something from the appointment. My friend had her appointment recently and found it absolutely affirmed in her mind that it was 100% the right thing to do. She is pregnant now and very much open to another section since her appointment.

  • If anyone said that to me I'd get charged with assualt! I have issues re my emcs mainly as i feel the hospital were negligent with my induction and then from the fact I found the recovery hellish beyond belief.  The emcs was absolutely the best thing for my baby in the end but doesn't mean its easy to accept needing that intervention in the first place.

    A cs is major surgery and the easy option it is not. I hope the birth reflections meeting helps xx

  • I can really relate to your story.  I went 14 days overdue, was induced but nothing happened except baby went into fetal distress and had to have an EMCS.  He had passed meconium and it was a very scary time as everything happened so quickly (it was a crash section although I was able to have a spinal).  He also had to be taken away by the paediatrician which was also very frightening though thankfully he made a good recovery and doesn't seem to have suffered any lasting effects.  Whilst I am obviously so grateful that he was born safely, I also felt that my body had failed and in some ways wasn't "a proper woman" because a, I couldn't go into labour naturally and b, I couldn't give birth normally.  

    If anyone said to me that having a CS was the easy option, I would be absolutely furious.   Everyone I have talked to who has experienced both normal delivery and CS have all said that a CS is definitely not easy!  I think people forget or don't think about the emotions leading up to any kind of delivery or the recovery time involved afterwards which, in a traumatic birth that leaves you with having to recover from a major operation and trying to look after newborn baby, is a pretty big life event.  I would assume in your case that your friend has no idea what she's talking about!

    I hope your birth reflections meeting gives you the answers you need.  I understand what happened with my delivery but it will still take me time to come to terms with it (my baby is only 8 weeks old).  I have already been thinking about if we have any other children and am pretty sure I will have an elective CS purely to avoid any of the trauma which happened this time.  Again this has made me think about whether I will have failed as I will have never actually experienced labour at all but I keep trying to tell myself that it doesn't matter in the end.

  • Oh noodle I'm sorry you've been struggling with this and for your friend to say that is utterly thoughtless. I didn't have a c-section but have felt quite down about S's birth as he was dragged out by forceps and I felt that whilst I laboured fine under induction, I was rubbish at actually delivering him. People kept saying to me that the main thing is that he was delivered safe and sound which is of course, true but I found that how I felt about S and how I felt about his birth are two separate things really.

    A couple of my friends had c-sections around the time I had S and no way is it the easy option! It's major abdominal surgery whatever way you look at it. She's an idiot (sorry!)

    I've recently had a birth reflections appointment and it was the best thing I have done. I feel much more comfortable with what happened after talking it through objectively. It's taken away some of the emotion of it all and I now feel like maybe another baby is a possibility in the future, after swearing S would be an only child!

    I hope it helps you. Your friend spoke without thinking, please don't let her affect your thoughts about your birth xxx

  • She sounds like an insensitive idiot - do not let her stupidity affect you.

    I've no experience of birth myself, all I know is I do not have ONE friend who has had a positive vaginal birth story but plenty of positive C Section stories.

    If I end up needing a C Section in no way will I feel I have failed - all I want is a healthy baby at the end of these 9 months, regardless of how he/she comes into the world.

    I hope the birth reflection meeting comes through quickly and provides you with some comfort.
  • Thanks for all your replies

    Coco- she is clueless but totally competative with me, if I had back pain she would have a broken back type thing!

    Weekender- sorry you may have to have one, if it helps I was very lucky to recover well after mine (which I don't think helped her opinion) it was the stay in hospital that I found worse.

    Counter- glad your friend found it useful, I think being told by the professionals there was no option would help me if that makes sense.

    Tweetie pie- sorry your feel the same about yours, I also feel the hospital were negligent with my induction and I want to discuss that with then too- do you think it might help you to talk through it?

    Shep- sounds like we had very similar experiences, sorry yours turned out like that too. I thought I was feeling a lot better with it until this comment- I did try to explain that se hadn't experienced both so couldn't comment. I think what got me is due to him needing the paediatric team I didn't see him for ages although I could hear him crying thankfully, then when they brought him over to see me I couldn't hold him as my blood pressure had dropped so they were trying to sort me out

    Popcorn- sorry you felt the same you are in no way a failure, I'm glad the meeting helped as I also have sworn he is a one and only but secretly want to change my mind but am to scared too! She also had forceps and I have agreed a million times hers was very traumatic too but I have never said mine was worse because no one knows unless they personally experience both. Hope your both doing well

    Sasasi- I'm very grateful for him being her safely and that's all I cared about to start with and like I said I was over it until now. Enjoy the next 7 months it will fly by!

  • Your friend is a tool for saying that.

    I have had an emcs and a vbac. Give me 10 vbacs over a CS any day.

    I also felt that my body had let me down after having C. First going into prem labour, then not being able to give birth to him. I never had a birth reflection meeting, until 7.5 yrs later, when pg with my second. I was fine without it tbh.

  • Thanks AK, glad you had a successful VBAC gives me hope if I decide to have another baby that my body could do it!

  • what a mean friend. I hate people like that. I find myself saying 'the day Luke was born', rather than 'when I gave birth' because I feel that he was delivered (passive) and not that I had any control over it happening.

  • Thanks for your reply Carole, I tend to use that phrase too as I don't feel like I participated in any aspect if that makes sense!

  • Hi,

    I haven't got any experience yet but it's 99% certain that I will have a CS and if I do there's a 50% chance it will be a GA. There's also not much chance of me being able to BF.

    I really annoys me that people think I've got the easy option, as I'd much rather be able to give birth naturally and I definitely want to BF. I'm only not arguing too much as I realise the baby being delivered safely is far more important than how she gets here.

    However I get really,really angry that when you have to bottle feed you are treated like some sort of satan. At my NCT class I explained my situation and said it would be helpful to discuss formula feeding as I can't find information anywhere it's all about BFing. I was told they could talk to me 1-2-1 but wouldn't discuss it in the class as it was inappropriate, even though they've gone on about home births when no one in our group is having one!! Maybe I'm taking it personally but I see it as we don't want to taint the rest of the group discussing bottles.

    Going back to your original point, why if CS was so easy aren't all mothers wanting them? Maybe because it's major surgery and takes 6 weeks to recover from.

    Hold your head up high Noodle you made the right choice for your baby and that's more important than what some people think x

  • Thanks babylonglegs I'm sorry to hear your in such a difficult situation too, I think like yourself it was everything slowly being withdrawn from my grasp if that makes sense- I wanted to use midwife unit, then went into be induced I was told I could still go if I laboured after the first gel- nothing! Got my head around delivery suite and was told I could use the pool as long as I didn't need the drip, then after my waters were broken told to go to theatre. I also think the fact I was 1cm at my 41 week sweep and exactly the same after 18 hours if attempted induction. If it helps I recovered well from my section, the theatre staff were amazing- before I got into theatre I made anything I wanted desperately clear, so my H had to be with our son when the paed checked him over and was to go with him if they took him to SCBU. Once he was out the midwife called my husband over to see him whilst the doctor checked him over and someone from theatre took his place next to me holding my hand which was nice of them. If your writing a birth plan maybe put things in like that if they are important to you- so at least you feel like you have some sense of control.

    I'm also with you on the FF situation I was treated appallingly in hospital for that decision!

  • Echoing what everyone else has said, your friend was being highly insensitive at the very least. Ignore, you did not have an easy option.

    BLL - your NCT class leader is also being a bit short sighted - I know they want to push bf, but if you know in advance you won't be able to, not giving you bottle feeding info is very unhelpful. In my nct class there were 8 of us, we all tried to bf, 1 bf for under a week, about half to 6 months exclusively, 1 past a year but with some formula top ups in the early days when their baby was hospitalised for losing too much weight, and only 1 exclusively past 18months. So 7 out of 8 used formula at some point - how is giving formula and bottlefeeding info out inappropriate when such a large percentage may need it? Especially when not doing so makes you feel so excluded. Grr, it makes me angry.

  • I felt I had to log onto the laptop to give this a proper reply.

    Firstly your friend is an idiot. Only people who have not had sections would declare them easy. No way of delivery a baby is easy.

    Secondly, your body did not let you down. I also had a EMCS due to not progressing during labour. I tried everything but never got past 7cm. The way I see it is birth is such a teeny tiny percentage of all the things you will do for your baby. First you made them, then you carried them for 9 month which is no easy thing. You are then going to spend the next god knows how many years making sacrifices for them and putting them first. On a scale of this size birth is a little dot.

    I do think you should speak to someone at the hospital if you are struggling to deal with it. I might help to speak to someone but it can't change what happened and what happened is NOT your fault. Just one of those things really.. It doesn't make you any worse than any other Mother who delivered her baby vaginally.

    And on the plus side....... at least your foof is unscathed :-)

  • I totally agree SG. She said it was because they didn't want to recommend a particular brand. I said I didn't need that advice just general advice on sterilising etc.. (which lets be honest you may need even if you exclusively BF but pump), but she insisted on having a 1-2-1 call with me. It is a real Grrr point with me at the minute, as to how they make FF mothers feel.

    LP you're so right. Giving birth is a tiny part of what you do for your baby. I've had a pretty horrid pregnancy with vomiting for 90% of my pregnancy, because I've 'suffered' does that make me a better mother, and those that haven't vomited failures that have had it easy? No of course not, so why should the way you HAVE to bring the baby into the world make a difference?

    I hope your meeting goes well Noodle and that all our responses have outweighed the one silly/hurtful response you've had.


  • Thanks LP your words make sense and your last line is my new mantra! Thanks BLL trying to get an appointment is hard but im persisting.

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