I have a 14 month age gap between my 2 - It wasn't planned! I'm hoping it will be better once they're a bit older and able to play with each other more but at the moment they are both in nappies, both supposed to be taking naps, (Neither like to sleep!) both teething and I'm finding it really hard.
We always said between 2 and 3 years. I was lucky to get pregnant quickly this time and we'll have about 25 months, depending on when baby arrives. It's what we wanted as they'll be close enough to play etc plus the tiny baby ways already seem ages ago and I don't want to get far from that to go back again. We will hopefully have a 3rd but I suspect that gap might be slightly bigger for practical reasons.
P.s we would not have wanted any closer together. The difference between p's independence now and when she was 18months is huge, she feeds herself all the time and walks brilliantly now. Plus her communication and understanding is so much more developed, it will be even more so by 2 I hope.
My shortest age gap would have been 2 years I think. Ideal would have been 2.5, longest - well that's a hard one, I'd say three years but as you know there'll be almost four between mine, that was due to a mc last year then took a while to conceive again. So I knew I wanted M to have a sibling, so the "longest" age gap grew as we got well passed the "acceptable" age gap point
For me, the age gap was about them not being too far apart in age so they would play together and hopefully be close to each other as they grow up, also wanting to do things at the same stages, e.g. my 9 yr old stepson likes the cinema, M won't sit thriugh a film, she likes softplay, he's too old for a lot of places, she likes parks/farms etc, he wants to go biking and play his Xbox. Etc etc.
My shortest would be 3 years. Partly due to childcare costs and party because there is 2 between me and my sister and we fought alot. Ideal would be 4. I want A in school or nearly there before number 2.
Not thought about longest. I guess the longest gap boils down to what my cut off point is, I mean do I want a child at 40? That would be 10 years. Probably not. I suppose longest would then be 6 or 7
It was agreed before we got engaged that we would go for 2 or more, but not stop at one. I've raised an only child for 17 years and it's been wonderful but was never my preference to only have the one. Had a miscarriage the week of Harry's first birthday then we never got in to a place where we considered having more, and we eventually divorced. I'm 37 and feel strongly that we need to be aware of my age for family planning. Nothing urgent or dramatic but it's there.
But mostly we were talking over dinner about the gaps we will have in the family (my side 17.5 yrs, sister's side 7.5 yrs) and the 5 years between my sis and I and I wondered about others' preferences
I never wanted more than 1, but a loss made me want another, so my 7.5 year gap wasn't planned, per se.
7.5 years turned out to be an amazing age gap. C was at school, aware of what was happening, was old enough to help out etc.
My H's age was a factor, in us deciding on no more. He was 36 when J was born, and he decided he didn't want to be an "old dad", or to be bringing kids up for the rest of his life, as I would have wanted a big age gap again, if we were to TTC again. I wouldn't have wanted a small gap, as for me, it'd be important to spend as much quality 1 on 1 time with my kids, and having a toddler aswell as a baby would have made that difficult.
My shortest gap was 2 years, and the longest would have been 3 years I think. I think 2.5 years wold have been ideal, but I had the fear that it would take ages to conceive and I'm getting on a little bit and have pcos, so wanted to get on the babymaking sooner rather than later. I'm getting a smidge under 24 months and I think it'd have been easier if I'd have left it a little bit longer as J is still really needy, but overall I'm ecstatic to be pregnant again, and hopefully they'll get on well and be able to play well together as they're so close in age.
Shortest 18 months, longest 2.5 or thereabouts. Always wanted a small gap, wanted to still be young when having the youngest child and do it all at once. I want to go after a career after having my babies, but didn't want to leave a young baby too soon, so maybe when the youngest is about 2 years old or so (maybe 3 yrs) I'll feel better about putting them into full time childcare. Therefore didn't want a big gap as it'd make me even older IYSWIM. I also thought that if I got my full nights' sleep back and a more independent child, I wouldn't want to give it up again and have another baby and "start again" as it were. Ditto with the breastfeeding, I would like to BF A until 2yrs and this way I can tandem feed for a bit and have shorter overall time with a baby attached to my boob!
I realise having a small gap will be hard (it'll be 19 months) but we're both still young (baby due day after my 26th birthday) and energetic and very excited. I don't think we really expected to catch so quickly again as I'm still breastfeeding a lot, maybe the 'ideal' gap for us would be 20-24 months so we started TTC at the point where we would be happy with the gap IYSWIM and happened to fall pregnant first month.
Personally i wanted a 12mth ish age gap. The friends I had growing up with a small gap like that got on brilliantly with their sibling. I categorically did not want a 3 yr gap, as that was the gap between my sister and I and we have never ever got on, I'm sure personality probably had more to do with it than age gap but that was what was in my head. I didn't really want more than 3 yrs tbh but have ended up with a 4.5 yr gap and it seems so far to be working out really well. Zoe is very very independent, and also started school 6 weeks after Orla was born, which helped a lot too.
We will probably wait until W is nearer 3 before we try again, but that is for practical reasons. I'd have liked a smaller gap for the same reasons as others have said regarding sibling's being close. But I also want to spend as much time 1 on 1 with W while I can.
We wanted 2 and also wanted an 18 month gap, we were luckly and have a 19 month gap. It has been hard work at times but I guess whatever age gap you have it's not going to be always easy. I love having the gap we have, the boys get on so well, really loving to each other and play well together too
This is really interesting, thanks! A couple of people have made points that echo my own thoughts (keep the 'baby pain' close together, siblings of a similar age playing/growing up together), but I also think I am carrying some sibling baggage as it seems other families do really well with a 4-5 yr gap and I feel as though my sis and I were practically different generations as we were never anywhere near the same stage at the same time, but that's partially (mostly?) personality stuff to be fair.
There's 18 months between me and my brother and it's only been over the last couple of years that we've been able to get along! We fought a lot growing up and looking back I feel really sorry for my mum. But we were happy to play together on holiday etc, and when we we did things at weekends we were quite happy to do the same things, there wasn't a problem with one of us being bored because it was too childish etc. I think ideally I'd like about a 3 year gap...I'm only 29 and so is H so hopefully time is on our side.
I wanted between 2-3 year gap but it looks like it might take longer than this to conceive number 2 so it's just a case of seeing how long the gap nature gives
We always said 3yrs...until I got ridiculously broody! A factor in ours was H is 37 next year and he didn't want to be too old a Dad (from his own experiences with his Dad being older). We were lucky in that number 2 only took 2 cycles of "seeing what happens" (we never opked/charted/temped etc) so we'll have a gap of 2yrs 4 months. O is more independent all the time now so I think it'll be a good gap...he'll be starting pre school around then too.
I think gender can play a big role in siblings getting along with certain gaps too
It varies so much between families. There is 4.5 years between me and my sister and we didnt get on at all growing up, I always felt it was our age gap and have always been adamant I didnt want as big a gap. We get on now (mostly!) But it was only when I mived out to go to uni that we became able to get on.
17.5 months between 2 and 3 and there will hopefully be 2 years and 1 month between 3 and 4.
I think all gaps have different challenges and positive aspects too. I just think you adapt to them. My older 2, currently 6 and 3, get on well. My younger one wjo is 22 months will happily play with them but doesn't have the communication yet.
There is 2.5 years between my brother and I. Whilst I would say we are/were close he now lives in Oz and I find the time barrier hard to keep in touch. He wants to chat to me when I am busy getting kids ready in the morning whilst his day is over and he is relaxing with his kids in bed!
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I have a 14 month age gap between my 2 - It wasn't planned! I'm hoping it will be better once they're a bit older and able to play with each other more but at the moment they are both in nappies, both supposed to be taking naps, (Neither like to sleep!) both teething and I'm finding it really hard.
Wow. You must be TIRED!
My shortest age gap would have been 2 years I think. Ideal would have been 2.5, longest - well that's a hard one, I'd say three years but as you know there'll be almost four between mine, that was due to a mc last year then took a while to conceive again. So I knew I wanted M to have a sibling, so the "longest" age gap grew as we got well passed the "acceptable" age gap point
For me, the age gap was about them not being too far apart in age so they would play together and hopefully be close to each other as they grow up, also wanting to do things at the same stages, e.g. my 9 yr old stepson likes the cinema, M won't sit thriugh a film, she likes softplay, he's too old for a lot of places, she likes parks/farms etc, he wants to go biking and play his Xbox. Etc etc.
Are you already thinking about the next one??
Not thought about longest. I guess the longest gap boils down to what my cut off point is, I mean do I want a child at 40? That would be 10 years. Probably not. I suppose longest would then be 6 or 7
It was agreed before we got engaged that we would go for 2 or more, but not stop at one. I've raised an only child for 17 years and it's been wonderful but was never my preference to only have the one. Had a miscarriage the week of Harry's first birthday then we never got in to a place where we considered having more, and we eventually divorced. I'm 37 and feel strongly that we need to be aware of my age for family planning. Nothing urgent or dramatic but it's there.
But mostly we were talking over dinner about the gaps we will have in the family (my side 17.5 yrs, sister's side 7.5 yrs) and the 5 years between my sis and I and I wondered about others' preferences
I never wanted more than 1, but a loss made me want another, so my 7.5 year gap wasn't planned, per se.
7.5 years turned out to be an amazing age gap. C was at school, aware of what was happening, was old enough to help out etc.
My H's age was a factor, in us deciding on no more. He was 36 when J was born, and he decided he didn't want to be an "old dad", or to be bringing kids up for the rest of his life, as I would have wanted a big age gap again, if we were to TTC again. I wouldn't have wanted a small gap, as for me, it'd be important to spend as much quality 1 on 1 time with my kids, and having a toddler aswell as a baby would have made that difficult.
My shortest gap was 2 years, and the longest would have been 3 years I think. I think 2.5 years wold have been ideal, but I had the fear that it would take ages to conceive and I'm getting on a little bit and have pcos, so wanted to get on the babymaking sooner rather than later. I'm getting a smidge under 24 months and I think it'd have been easier if I'd have left it a little bit longer as J is still really needy, but overall I'm ecstatic to be pregnant again, and hopefully they'll get on well and be able to play well together as they're so close in age.
Shortest 18 months, longest 2.5 or thereabouts. Always wanted a small gap, wanted to still be young when having the youngest child and do it all at once. I want to go after a career after having my babies, but didn't want to leave a young baby too soon, so maybe when the youngest is about 2 years old or so (maybe 3 yrs) I'll feel better about putting them into full time childcare. Therefore didn't want a big gap as it'd make me even older IYSWIM. I also thought that if I got my full nights' sleep back and a more independent child, I wouldn't want to give it up again and have another baby and "start again" as it were. Ditto with the breastfeeding, I would like to BF A until 2yrs and this way I can tandem feed for a bit and have shorter overall time with a baby attached to my boob!
I realise having a small gap will be hard (it'll be 19 months) but we're both still young (baby due day after my 26th birthday) and energetic and very excited. I don't think we really expected to catch so quickly again as I'm still breastfeeding a lot, maybe the 'ideal' gap for us would be 20-24 months so we started TTC at the point where we would be happy with the gap IYSWIM and happened to fall pregnant first month.
3-4 years. I have 3 years between F&T and 4 years between T&R and they've both been great. I wouldn't want any smaller or any bigger really.
Personally i wanted a 12mth ish age gap. The friends I had growing up with a small gap like that got on brilliantly with their sibling. I categorically did not want a 3 yr gap, as that was the gap between my sister and I and we have never ever got on, I'm sure personality probably had more to do with it than age gap but that was what was in my head. I didn't really want more than 3 yrs tbh but have ended up with a 4.5 yr gap and it seems so far to be working out really well. Zoe is very very independent, and also started school 6 weeks after Orla was born, which helped a lot too.
We will probably wait until W is nearer 3 before we try again, but that is for practical reasons. I'd have liked a smaller gap for the same reasons as others have said regarding sibling's being close. But I also want to spend as much time 1 on 1 with W while I can.
We wanted 2 and also wanted an 18 month gap, we were luckly and have a 19 month gap. It has been hard work at times but I guess whatever age gap you have it's not going to be always easy. I love having the gap we have, the boys get on so well, really loving to each other and play well together too
This is really interesting, thanks! A couple of people have made points that echo my own thoughts (keep the 'baby pain' close together, siblings of a similar age playing/growing up together), but I also think I am carrying some sibling baggage as it seems other families do really well with a 4-5 yr gap and I feel as though my sis and I were practically different generations as we were never anywhere near the same stage at the same time, but that's partially (mostly?) personality stuff to be fair.
There's 18 months between me and my brother and it's only been over the last couple of years that we've been able to get along! We fought a lot growing up and looking back I feel really sorry for my mum. But we were happy to play together on holiday etc, and when we we did things at weekends we were quite happy to do the same things, there wasn't a problem with one of us being bored because it was too childish etc. I think ideally I'd like about a 3 year gap...I'm only 29 and so is H so hopefully time is on our side.
I wanted between 2-3 year gap but it looks like it might take longer than this to conceive number 2 so it's just a case of seeing how long the gap nature gives
We always said 3yrs...until I got ridiculously broody! A factor in ours was H is 37 next year and he didn't want to be too old a Dad (from his own experiences with his Dad being older). We were lucky in that number 2 only took 2 cycles of "seeing what happens" (we never opked/charted/temped etc) so we'll have a gap of 2yrs 4 months. O is more independent all the time now so I think it'll be a good gap...he'll be starting pre school around then too.
I think gender can play a big role in siblings getting along with certain gaps too
It varies so much between families. There is 4.5 years between me and my sister and we didnt get on at all growing up, I always felt it was our age gap and have always been adamant I didnt want as big a gap. We get on now (mostly!) But it was only when I mived out to go to uni that we became able to get on.
I have a 3 year gap between 1 and 2
17.5 months between 2 and 3 and there will hopefully be 2 years and 1 month between 3 and 4.
I think all gaps have different challenges and positive aspects too. I just think you adapt to them. My older 2, currently 6 and 3, get on well. My younger one wjo is 22 months will happily play with them but doesn't have the communication yet.
There is 2.5 years between my brother and I. Whilst I would say we are/were close he now lives in Oz and I find the time barrier hard to keep in touch. He wants to chat to me when I am busy getting kids ready in the morning whilst his day is over and he is relaxing with his kids in bed!