Small Rant!
So after finding out that one of our SIL's is pregnant on Monday we told H's brothers over the phone and asked them to keep it to themselves for now, just until we can tell H's kids and then everyone else. We didnt want to tell them over the phone, we'd arranged to all meet up next weekend, but when BIL told H on the phone he felt he had to tell them.
Well, yesterday, the other SIL (not pregnant) called me to tell me that 'something has happened'....she told her mum about both of us (even tho we both asked her not to), who told her dad, who in turn blurted it out to H's cousin who was visiting SIL yesterday. So now, even more people know and they defo arent people we would have chosen to tell this early.
I was so annoyed. The issue is, SIL's younger brother is 14 and friends with my Step son whos nearly 13. They talk on BBM and Facebook etc. If her mum has told him, he may well let it slip to Step son. H said he would be livid if his kids found out from someone else. Its just added even more stress to this week when we've already had our fair share. I dont want more drama!!
In light of these events, we talked about telling the kids early, i.e. this weekend (11 weeks) to ensure they dont find out from other sources! However, the issue with this, is that if we tell them, they will tell their mum who is a nutter and knows all of H's friends and would take great delight in telling the world our news. Meaning we would have to tell EVERYONE early...which I am really not comfortable with, ARGH!
We've decided to just wait til after the scan but the next 2 weeks (today yay!) are gona go soooo slowly! Especially now there's more people who know. Why cant people just keep their mouths shut?!!!
Sorry if this is a bit rambly/ranty...needed to vent. I didnt have a go at her, theres nothing i can do now, she knows I'm not happy though.
And..........breathe.
Replies
I'd be spitting, too. Can you ask SIL to make sure she doesn't mention anything to her brother (ditto the parents) for the reasons you've said?
Oh I have, I explained why we didnt want her family knowing (they are mouthy at the best of times) and she apologised for telling her mum. She said her brother doesnt know, but whether thats true or not I dont know, I suppose i'll just have to trust her.
I text the cousin yesterday too (I get on really well with her) and she was apologetic too, even tho it wasnt her fault. She said she wishes she didnt know and will act surprised when we tell her haha x
TBH I would be annoyed at your H! he was the one who told his brother with the mouthy sil. If you didn't want anyone to know then he shouldn't have told anyone and just waited till the meeting. Sounds like it's all got a bit out of hand. Hopefully they will listen to you and not let on to the friend of the children.
I'd be livid, but this is also the reason we didnt tell anyone until we told the people we wanted to know first iyswim.
Hopefully the younger boy won't think about telling as its not important to teenage boys, if it was football then that's another story.
I'd be livid with sil, if something is wrong at the scan is she going to tell everyone that she's blabbed to rather than you having to?
Willow - I did say this to him, but its his brother, and we both wanted them to know. We thought that asking her to keep her mouth shut would have been enough but clearly not!
CP - This is what I said to her on the phone. I remained calm and said 'look, whats done is done, but please dont tell anyone else and ask your mum and dad to keep it to themselves. I dont want more people finding out, and then, god forbid something is wrong at the scan, I dont want to have to go round 'un-telling' people who shouldnt have known in the first place.' she sort of went 'oh..yeah..ok sorry' like she hadnt thought about that at all. but why would she, its not about her!
Inside I wanted to Scream 'you STUPID b!TCH!!!!!' but obviously i didn't haha!
I thought it was ur h who wanted his kids to know first or is that someone else
He wanted to tell them before we told the rest of the family. We both agreed parents and brothers would know before the scan (support network etc), then the kids after the scan but before anyone else (aunts uncles etc), then everyone else. He's worried they will now find out from someone other than him.
I should say - he's wanted to tell them for weeks but I've pushed to wait til after the scan, just in case.
thats so annoying, i know pregnancy is great news but it has really annoyed me how people cant keep their mouths shut when it comes to things like this! makes me so angry and i really feel for you in your situation!
Haha Willow I just hate drama! I can only hope she actually feels bad!
Spicey - I know. I am obv happy that shes excited enough to tell her mum but come on...I asked her specifically to NOT TELL ANYONE! lol
As long as the kids dont find out before we tell them its fine. Fingers crossed.
To be honest, I work on the premise that if it's something I *really* dont want people to know, I dont tell anyone. Only person I would expect to completely trust with a secret is my husband. Anyone else, I reckon *they* always have one or 2 people in their circle of trust - I almost take it for granted that they'll tell a husband, or another close friend and then it can spread *so* easily with each person really trusting the next to keep the secret whenever they haven't been able to themselves.
This is the reason we didn't tell anyone until after the scan as people have such big mouths. I completely understand your reasons for not wanting to tell the kids before the scan and agreed with you, but now I'm not sure if it would be worth telling them early as it would be awful if they heard it from someone else and you have another 2 weeks to go yet.
CV - I know this now. I just always think other people will be the same as me and respect others wishes, clearly I was wrong!
Pinky - I'm just scared to tell them in case something is wrong - because once we tell the kids, it snowballs, they tell their mum, and she tells people (she and H went to school together and share some friends) - then, what if somehting happens? There will be all these people who know, when we havent told them. Its just hard to know what to do for the best.
MIL did this to us with our first pregnancy and I was so upset. She told her sister who in turn told Hs cousins and one of them wrote a congratulations message on Hs FB page. I had literally just found out we were going to be parents.
Sympathise with you Rod, some people are just inconsiderate and selfish