:Hiya Girls...

Having a bit of a wobble.. feeling massively unattractive & emotional... insercure and a bit vunrable... panicking abit about 'not being ready emotionally' ect.. and my relationship is going thru a massive change from almost 6 years of loved up flirting, dating each other, loads of holidays, good nookie, passion, dinners and cocktails... to me being huge, tearful & unwell and our relationship changing from above to being a family.. of course I am happy about it as is OH but it's just feeling like a lot to get our heads around..

Yesterday I checked up on him.. YEAH I know shouldn't look if you can't handle what you find! & I don't think he is shagging around but he did send a message to Some girl on the internet he doesn't know saying she had 'proper nice eyes' he called her pet names and put a kiss at the end (she lives in Denmark) but I am sooo hurt! Yesterday I text him saying I was having a bit of a wobble (before i knew) and felt a bit insercure and he text back saying 'I love you, you are all I ever want! xxx' & then I find that f**king message!

I can't blame her.. I am not in a relationship with her.. he knows i'm very upset with him (he slepted on the sofa) he just kept saying tell me whats wrong... tell me what I have done so that I can fix it... Normally I would wear my heart on my sleeve and just tell him what I know.. but I said as calm as anything (although with a nose bleed and lots of tears ... no wonder i'm worrying about looking attractive!! lol) is there something that you want to tell me? to which he replied I don't know what ive done.. I said well thats fine then... I want him to tell me about it.. but I know he wont because he doesnt know what I know and god forbid he said it and that's not acctually what I was talking about (no bloody back bone!!) :x

Look I know people flirt, I know he is not shagging her, I know that he may feel a bit over whelmed about all the changes that are happening to us too like moving intogether for the first time on our own, baby, him being sole bread winner, my changing body & emotions..

But I don't think its enough of an excuse.. I feel very hurt! :\(

It's not nice to read your fella telling other girls they have beautiful eyes and putting kisses! for F**K sake! I'm pregnant! couldn't you of got this out of your system before hand during the pervious 5 years! :x

I don't want to tell him what I know .. I want him to be a bloody man about it and well own up! He is not stupid (well perhaps for getting caught!) but he knows what his own actions are!

He doesn't know I know his pass words for anything (not hard to guest tho!!) .. and don't really want to give away that I do lol .. but I wouldn't have checked if he hadn't started out of the blue staying up all night till 3am on the PC, making sure he signed out of EVERYTHING fully.. I always leave my msn/facebook/bebo/babyexpert lol running even if i'm not there! So did he.. as soon as they start doing stupid things like changing there behaviour it only makes you wonder what they are doing.. if I walked in the room he'd sign out or click off the page ect...

I'm certainly not thick! Mmm.. why would your boy friend not want to you see what he is doing on the net? Well.. ive not been recieiving surpise gifts recently.. so lets have a think what other reasons are there? FOOL!

I have printed it off and hide it so he cant make me feel overly emotional and delete it and make out i'm over reacting..

I don't want to leave him... I do love the bloody stupid PIG!! & honesltly don't think he is doing anything other than what I have seen (remarkabley scarey stalking skills i displayed to myself last night after finding that! lol)

I don't want him to think that its aceptable... because its bloody well not!!

he left my house at 11 today.. ive got a scan at 2 ish... honestly do think he with text me because he'll want to come.. but where do I go from here?

I want to string him up and kick him in the shins.. but then what? he has abused my trust and I am feeling very vunrable!!

My mum went to ireland yesterday for 11 days so feeling quite alone as I do have lots of friends but OH and Mum are the closest people to me!

please dont meantion this on facebook anyone who has added me lol he certainly wouldn't check here but I don't want him to know what cards i'm holding! :roll:

I hate bloody games!

what do you think I should do? xxx

p.s he just text me about coming to the hospital... I knew he would!


  • I wont take over your thread with the details of my situation but its along the same lines (ish) and I think you should let him come to appointment (never know when you need support during this pregnancy malarky) and you really need to ask him what the hell hes playing at, will eat you up inside if you dont, trust me!

  • in think that ur emotions r running high and that you need to calm down a little bit, i agree 100% that he shouldnt b saying this to the girl and i would be throughly pissed if my hubby down that, i thik u should say to him what u have seen, hes done wrong and u could wait forever for him to come out and say it, in the mean time it will eat u up and make u more and more angry at him an thats not good to bottle up hun, hope that helps (bloody men ah)! xxxx
  • sorry but he sounds like he's been a right tit ! theres no excuse! id kick him in the balls and chuck him, but then i ova react all the time .
    good on you for keeping this to yourself , i dnt think i could, id keep checking on whats hes up to if i can . just see how far hes going with this then decide.
    dont no what else to say really , just sorry your going through this especially when your pregnant must be so hard.
  • He is coming to get me for the appointment... He will be a very good daddy.. just being a bit of a prick to me for doing that! feel free to share I know I wrote an essay.. just really hurt!
  • Glad your letting him come it_must_be_love x
  • Oh honey. That's awful.
    It doesn't matter what sort of thing it is behind your back, its a form of cheating, especially as you say with your hormones and pregnancy when he should be supporting you more than ever.
    I don't know what the hell I would do if I found out that my husband was doing this.
    We met on the internet and it took soooo long for me to stop checking that he wasn't still chatting to other women. I'm still paranoid now and he hasn't actually done anything to my knowledge!
    I would be beside myself if I was in your situation.
    However, as you so rightly say, this is simply over the internet. he has not seen her in the flesh, has not kissed her, slept with her or anything of the sort.
    He is probably going through a hundred different emotions himself regarding the big change you are both going through and has just had a momentary lapse of concentration!
    Tell him what you know honey. Don't let it fester. You need some answers and need to get it sorted.
    Let him talk to you, tell him you want to understand what he is feeling so that you can go through it together.
    Hopefully this is just a one off and he will be so sorry and probably already feels awful about it.
    You poor poor thing.
    I don't know what else to say. I hope it all works out but but talk to him. If you keep it all bottled up, it will only get worse.
    Let us know what happens.
    Good luck, try and stay calm and know that we are all here for you as much as we can help.

    32+1. xx
  • Gosh- men aye!

    I know you must be upset and angry- as I would be but you need to try to stay calm as this can't be good for the baby! Really! I got told the same!

    You just need to sit him down and say to him what you have seen- have a chat, don't get angry as much as you want to just stay calm! Then ask him if he has any respect for you not to be doing this anymore! He needs to understand that he can't get away with this and he's got to show you a little respect as what your going through show's him a lot of commitment! He needs to do the same!

    It's good that you think it's just that e-mail but if he thinks he can get away with this what else will he do?!

    I think once he's told and you got it off your chest then you guys will be fine! He's having a baby with you surely that's enough!!!!

    It happened to a girl I work with- she didn't find out until after he had slept with this fling and my mate forgave him but said "you do this again and i won't be here anymore" I think it was enough to kick him into shape!

    Hope your okay though! I feel bad for you. x
  • Not sure how you can show such restraint. I would have punched him first, then worried about me knowing his passwords etc later.
    How long do you think you can hold out before telilng him you know, you don't want to stress out about it for too long. Won't do you or the baby any good. He on the other hand could be forever before telling you what's happened, in his mind he's probaby done nothing wrong !
    You definantly need to discuss it, but I would be prepared just in case it wasn't an isolated incident. I have two friends who confronted their partners over incriminating texts etc and once the gates of truth were open it all came tumbling out.
    Good luck at the hosp and try to sit him down for an open discussion this evening. S x
  • aww hun what a stupid twat he is! I cant imagine how you must be feeling. I dont know how you havent strung him up and neutered him though! Thats what I would have done by now. He really cant justify it, I know you said maybe hes scared of all the changes and how emotional you are but how on earth are you supposed to feel?! Its your body going through upheaval and your hormones which are all over the place, the fact is he should be talking to you about it not messing around on facebook or whatever.
    I think your doing the right thing letting him come to the hospital, its his baby too but I completley understand about you wanting him to own up to it, you shouldnt have to drag it out of him. Could you maybe sit him down later and say "look I've found something out and I want you to own up to it" then hopefuly its an isolated incident and he'll own up to it.
    Really hope everythings ok.
  • Hi hon. I can't believe that he's been such a w*nker!

    Do remember though that whilst I agree it's completely unacceptable (my dh would have been sporting bruises and wearing tattered clothes by now!) he hasn't actually done anything other than got carried away flirting.

    I would personally resond to him, next time he asks you what's wrong by saying 'why don't you ask your Danish friend while I'm feelling so crap about myself'? If he dares to ask how you found out I'd lose it big time and tell him not to dare asking you questions - he needs to explain himself big time and it better be good.

    That way, hopefully he won't suspect you've got his passwords and will think he left something open. Let him believe this and keep a check on his emails - don't give a damn it's snooping - you've got reason to!

    Hope you're ok - I know you've been having a rotten time recently.

    Big hugs and lamp him one from me!

  • Yep as some of the other ladies have said - i think that you should have it out with him and ask him what he is doing. Don't shoulder all this yourself - you need some answers and some reassurances especially at this vunerable time.

    Sit him down and tel him what you have found out and then give him chance to speak - you will feel better for getting it off your chest, and hopefully you will both be able to work through it.

    Good luck

  • How are you now? Did your scan go ok?

    Maybe you should just tell him what you found and get him to do some serious grovelling. Men really are dopey sometimes. My hubby was telling me about this really lovely new girl at work...until I glared and burst into tears. He wasn't actaully meaning she was 'lovely' as in gorgeous but as in a nice person. He felt so bad and grovelled loads!

    Hope you sort everything out.

  • Scan went out... and seen the doctor although was a bit distracted so found it hard to take in what she was saying.. just walked in the door now! been there all this time.. we said in silence mostly apart from walking from one appt to another I felt a bit faint and held his arm for a second..

    He was so cross.. I am never normally quite.. even when upset I just blurt it all out.. don't think he quite knew what do to with me... everyone was in his way and annoying him, oh and the road rage on the way home.. i'm sure he was doing it to provoke a reaction.. I stayed quite.. he said 'are you staying at mine tonight?' and I replied 'No I am going to stay at my house' (we are always together at his or mine) we got out side mine.. I got out the car and asked him to open the boot so I could collect my things and just said 'bye' as I walked off.. he got cross and beeped the horn and said 'why are you being like this what's wrong' I just shrugged and carried on walking.. he drove off at like a million miles per hour..

    my head has been very busy today.. feeling so vunrable.. and really all I want is for him to hold me and want me and for me to know I am enough.. I am very emotional.. been thinking maybe I should give baby my surname.. just encase he does go off with someone else and encase I ever had babies in the furture.. were currently looking for a place together.. and just keep thinking perhaps i'm better off at mums for a bit longer.. quite scared of doing it alone.. but trying to prepare for it anyways..

    I want to have him in my life.. that does not mean I will tolerate what ever because I need him... think i'm not quite sure i'm ready to hear his side yet.. because that means the balls in my court and ill have to react.. last night he was on the sofa and tonight he is at his without me lol i know it doesnt sound a big deal but that is in our relationship...

    lol Karen was thinking of saying something to the effect of 'do you think I have proper nice eyes?' next time he asks me what the matter was.. just to see his face really!

    look it is natrual at some point in a long term relationship at points people will find each of us attractive and vice verser .. I suspose I feel particularly vunrable because fellas dont really look at me like that since being pregnant and i'm like a massive oaf and feel like I cant defend my terroirty or mate guard..

    its easy to blame other people.. but actually its him that was flirting.. thats a bit sore...

    if I am completely honest I do think what he has done is wrong.. but I think he is just having a bit of a wobble.. and got affarmation of some stranger..

    I just thought we have been sooo loved up recently... if he does it when were good what happens when all the real hard work kicks in...

  • OHHHHH I feel so sad for you. Please don't let it get you down, I know easy for me to say, but you have to think of your little baby boy.

    Take care.


  • Babes, you do need to talk to him cos this could just be a bit of flattery - we all know men need their ego boosted and because we get so caught up with our bubs when pg (and as new mums) i think they can feel a little hard done by and a bit neglected (poor little sausages)!

    So - you need to speak to him - this is your relationship and as much as you are saying (and here's the lecture!) that he's doing this at the first hurdle, actually what you are doing at teh first hurdle is blocking him out and you can't do that when you are a 'proper' couple especially when you'll have a house together.

    Don't mean to be harsh, but I can see your fertile imagination is running away with you (baby's surname etc) and you need to get back on the ground and deal with this.

    Sorry honey - I'm actually sending you huge hugs but avoiding the issue is just prolonging the agony. He may well say - I'm sorry - I didn't mean anything by it - but she did have pretty eyes and I just wanted a bit of attention or something like that.

    BTW - I have male friends who I always put kisses on the bottom of my emails to - so does my dh (female friends obviously!) and it doesn't necessarily mean anything.

    Don't hate me please!!!!

  • your proberly right lol my imagination is very fertile... VERY!

    He doesn't normally give kisses to anyone but me... I do it all the time to everyone but if you never do it.. then start its like they are more valuable!? does that make sence...

    I was feeling wobbly anyways cause finding it all sort of hard at mo ... I just wanted to look and be reasured and instead he is giving other girls compliments! and after I had told him I was so vunrable... and he said I was all he wanted and then he sent that bloody message...

    I said I am ready to talk when he is.. he asked to come round.. I said if he has something to talk to me about.. still insisting he doesnt know what he has done wrong...

    I want him just to admit it.. and for there to be no meaning in it... just looking for an ego boost... but he is not brave enough to be honest... and I know he wont admit to it encase that's not the thing thats stressing me out ... wouldn't want to get him self in more 'trouble'.

  • I think if he keeps saying he doesn't know what the problem is, then maybe he geniunely doesn't know whats upsetting you so much? Perhaps he was just being nice to this other girl and his remarks were innocent?

    I'm gonna be abit different here, I actually feel quite sorry for your hubby!! You really need to tell him whats going on before you get yourself more worked up and stressed out.... The longer you stew on it the bigger deal it'll seem

    Good luck xx
  • I agree - if it's completely innocent, which would be the best scenario of course then he won't know what on earth you're on about! You're gonna have to cut him some slack and give him some pointers I think and then let him explain his motives, the whys and wheres etc.

    I know what you mean about the kisses but don't forget it wasn't a real one - maybe he's trying to show his funky boho side!! I agree he still needs a kicking of course, but you do need to give him a bit of a heads up hon.

    Don't let it drag on for your own sake - like MrsT said, it will get bigger and bigger and you will end up back in hospital quicktime.

  • I agree with mrs T about telling him. I dont know if you remember but I had a very very similar problem with my oh a little while ago. Anyway after a lot of advice on here I did have it out with him. I knew already it was never anything physical but explained to him how hurst I was. I will be honest it helped so much and he is so much more understanding about everything.

    Its definately worth just sitting down and talking to him because at least he can explain and help things rather than it playing on your mind as that will be worse for both you and baby.

    Hope this helps, and how did you get on at consultant today, hope everything is well, I had mine yesterday and a lot more positive about things now just got to hang on til 36 weeks to see them again to rescan and see what they want to do from there xx

  • I have to wait till 36 weeks and have another scan too... snap!! then they will decided!

    I text him asked him if he is willing to be honest.. he replyed yeah I am, but I still don't know what ive done...

    I said you have been chatting up girls (left it vague)

    he replyed : No I swear

    to which I replied: and now your lying

    he said: you asked me to be honest and I was, what makes you think I am?

    I said something to the effect of: well you can tell me about whats happened unless there are more than I know about and your worried about grassing yourself?

    now i'm waiting for his reply... this one is a bit slow... lol glad I didn't tell him what I was worried about directly... well see what he has to say for himself... (bet he is shitting it now!) girls its better your right that I have said something... but I am glad I haven't done it histyrically...

    (hope I can bare the answers)

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