my midwife is horrible..

Hi all,

sorry for the rant but i had my 16 week appointment this monring and was REALLY looking forward to it as haven't met my midwife yet or had a proper chat with anyone (my booking in was just done quickly with a student in an office a day before my scan) Anyway..i came out in tears and felt worse than before i went in!

I have been ill with a fluey thing for over a month, which may be linked to an existing heart condition which i've been waiting to see a consultant about. My GPhas been very helpful and done extra blood tests whichi'm waiting on the results for, as at present i can't even make it to the end of the road walking i get so out of breath, tired and dizzy. Anyway she was very dissmissive about me feeling unwell, and wouldn't listen to any of my concerns or properly answer my questions. I haven't had a consultant appointment through yet, and so she told me i need to chase it, before eventually ringing up the hospital myself, only to be told the consultant dosn't want to see me. I understand this and totally appreciate his proffesional opinion, but this made the midwide turn on me as if i'd been making the whole thing up, and why did i think i needed consultant care if he didn't (the reason being the student midwife checked with another midwife at my booking in who used to be a cardic nurse and said i needed to be reffered)

Anyhow, at this point her attitute twards me had me in tears. I know its hormones etc, but when i started crying she looked at me like i was pathetic. I told her i was struggling from feeling so ill and was feeling really down and spent most part of every day in tears and i was embarrassed and sorry for crying on her. She said nothing.

Then she checked my urine with me still in tears, wrote in my notes, checked my BP (me still crying) and told me everything was fine. She didn't weigh me or feel my tummy and only listened to babys heartbeat when I asked. She then heard my heartbeat though the doppler too and said very sarcastically ' your heartbeat sounds fine to me now..not tachicardic at all' AGGHHH!!

I was so upset when i left i walked through the waiting room in floods of tears, and once i got to my mums the icing on the cake was what she had written in my notes....

...'feeling well'.

I couldn't belive it. After all i'd said there is no record of anything.

Sorry this is turning into an essay, but i totally understand my symptoms are pregnancy related and despite my GP says may jsut be that and nothing more, and all i wanted was alittle reassurance from a caring midwife. Instead i felt like i was making a nuisense of myself even being there pregnant!

This is my midwife now i'll have to see all the way through. (supposedly, although she kept cancelling my booking in hence the fact i saw a lovely student midwife last minute!) Does anyone know if it is possible to change your midwife??

Sorry for the


  • I think it should be possible but I'm not sure how you would go about it. If you GP is good I would maybe ask them how to go about it. Sorry you are feeling so rotten, I would recomend a great big bar of chocolate!
  • If you complain about it yeah I would imagine so.

    I am sorry you were treated this way it sucks big time..
    I haven't even seen my midwife yet!!!
    well, i have seen 2 but not my named one.

    My appointment lasted 5 mins, had my BP aken and heard baby and left. I had been having bleeding etc, she wrote that it was all settled and it is. I go back in 4 weeks, fingers crossed I see my own this time as I need to go through some stuff with her.

    Ring up and ask for someone else, see what happens.
  • Hi loubeelou,

    So sorry to hear you had such a bad time. It's not much comfort but I know you're not alone - there have been a whole bunch of women on here complaining about the treatment they received from their midwives. In fact I was going to post about my 24 week check up with my midwife yesterday because she freaked me out. After reading your experience, mine doesn't seem so bad...

    You seem to be taking on a lot of the responsibility yourself though which I'm not sure is fair. You may be hormonal but she still didn't treat you well and like you said she didn't acknowledge what you had told her in your notes. You made it clear you didn't feel well so she was wrong to write what she did.

    Just remember that you haven't done anything wrong. They are supposed to be caring and understanding and she wasn't either!

    My midwife scared me yesterday when she couldn't find the results of my 16 week blood tests in my notes. I hadn't heard anything back so assumed everything was fine (as I was told) but then I started to worry that the tests weren't done in the first place. I was really worried that they hadn't done the test for downs and she said she'd check at the hospital in the morning. I phoned up this morning to find out about the results and I was told she was on annual leave! So she lied! I eventually called the test results line to ask them and they were able to confirm all the tests had been done and that everything was fine. I explained there was nothing in my file and they said it is all on computer now and she should have know this! No faith left I'm afraid! Going back in 4 weeks and won't be trusting a word she says!

    So you're not alone and you are right to have a rant! Hope you feel better soon. Sonia xxx
  • Hi there,
    wot a horrible person, sorry! if i was you i would ask to b put under another mws care they should do it. Just ask your gp to transfer you to another. hope it helps
    Adele xxxx
  • she sounded like a complete bitch ! you have a right to feel comfortable with your midwife and happy in your pregnancy. i'd ring your surgery and complain to the practice manager, also demand a new midwife. i cant believe she didnt apologise when you started to cry, what a cow !
    i hope you feel better now. its made me so mad that you were treated so poorly.
  • Hi everyone..thanks so much for all you replies, i've calmed down alot now (yes after a bar of chocolate too bedhead!haha) and feel more angry than upset now. Its shocking to think this is a regular ocurance and that pregnant woman are getting fobbed off in this way and not getting the treatment they deserve at what few antenatal appointments we do get!
    Sonia..thats awful about your test results, I would have been so worried too. Mine had no record of my results either but fortunatley my local hospital posted them to me direct - so its left me kind of wondering what the point of the midwife is as all she did as copy them in which i could have done myself!
    My dad works in management at our local hospital so after telling him about my treatment he's looking into whether I can change midwives and find out more at the hsopital for me. He's worked there 25 years so pretty much knows everyone there and isn't happy! As she's the only one at my local heath centre and has only had the job 2 months (i think she's fresh out of medical school as seemed younger than me - not that that makes someone a bad midwife as the student i saw prior was lovely) so it depends if i'm tied to my GP's surgery.
    Lara - I've contacted my GP today since seeing her and he's looking into whether i need to be under consultant care just to double check with the hospital as sometimes these things get a bit confused with all the referrals and missed. I don't mind either way and trust their judgement but i'm glad he's checking just to be sure.
    Jeez this has made me really mad..not so much for my situation but thinking this type of treatment is happening all the time! Thanks to you all again..fingers crossed i can swap midwives so i'll keep you
  • Wow what a cow - you can complain to the Practice Manager about her behaviour. Being medical however they do tend to close ranks - unless of course they've been trying to get her out in which case your complaint will add weight to it.

    Glad your GP is chasing up for you - I think the fact the Consultant said they don't need to see you without even receiving a referral is not on - your GP can refer you to a cardiologist and as far as I'm aware if you've got a cardiac condition that could be exacerbated by pregnancy you should be under them anyway. (used to work as PA within a GP surgery btw!)

    It is absolutely your right to request another midwife - I would certainly do so - especially with an existing condition, you need to be able to phone up and know you won't be treated like a hypochondriac, which is the impression I'm getting from her.

    Go eat more chocolate - it's the only thing that works!

    Good luck honxx
  • you can change hun you need to find there main office and conplain 1st and then change that women does nit desearve to be a midwife that is horrible you feel low when your pregnant as it is let alone midwifes like that! i hope you feel better soon hun and start enjoyin your pregnancy! x x
  • hi, sorry about your midwife. i know how you feel though as mine was a complete witch too. it is possible to change. i now have a lovely midwife. i asked at gp surdery if they had another midwife i could see but they didn't so i rang the community midwives office, they gave me the lead midwives number for the area and i gave her a ring. i explained that i wasn't getting on with my midwife and would like to change, even if i had to travel to another surgery. she asked why and a said i didn't want to make a fuss as it was probebly just a clash of personalities and i understand how busy and stressed out midwives are but i would feel more comfortable under the care of someone else. i gave a brief description of what had gone off and she agreed to see me herself. i am now very happy with my care. i too was in floods of tears but i felt i'd get a better result if i played down the situation.
    i would suggest you go along these lines (we've all heard how over worked and under staffed midwives are so if you mention you understand that then i think you'll come off better than verbally abusing a member of there staff) if however she isn't been very sypathetic towards you and your feelings, change your tone of your voice and say firmly but calmly you'd like to put in a formal complaint as to how you've been treated and could you have the address to write to. if you start getting agressive on the phone you'll get now where. all nhs staff have done "managing violence and aggresion courses" and you'll be nowhere nearer your goal of a different midwife!!!!!! i work for a hospital so i'm speaking with experience on how we have been taught to deal with people who get angry on the phone.
    hope you get a new midwife soon. x
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