cant believe how cruel people can be!

hi just wanted to share this as i feel like i am goin insane and quite cr***y i split up with my baby to be father last week his friends sent horrid text msgs calling me unmentionable things for no apparent reason . i only split becos things are not too good and then i got lots of grief saying all these nasty things then yesterday i got a visit from social services saying someone had rang them saying i am unfit ect and things to do with my 4yr old daughter they was not true and social services said it must hae been a milicious phone call i had an idea who had done this so confronted my x and he admitted it was his his friends i dont know wot to do now i am in turmoil and scared wot they are capable of next any advice plz xxxxx

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  • hello Katie,

    I didnt want to read and run.
    I dont know how old your ex and mates are but they sound very immature. Its really sad that they found it funny to ring up social services. Maybe there jealous cos they know that your doing a good job as a mum.

    Was your ex understanding about the split? was he sending the nasty texts or was it his immature mates?

    I dont really have any answers sorry. Some people dont think before they carry out there actions, unfortunately there seems to be lots of cruel/rude/thoughtless people out there these days. Im sure other ladies on hear have better words of wisdom.

    I would definately keep the nasty texts they have sent and any other things they do with the date and time i.e. social services. hopefully you wot need it in the furture, but in case you do I would keep a list of there hurtful remarks and actions. xxx

    Thinking of you at this time xxx
  • Hi Katie,

    Sorry your ex's friends are being so awful to you.

    Is it just his friends or is he doing it too?
    Keep a log of the texts and any phone calls etc you may get then report them to the police. They only called social services to make you feel awful and it has worked, try not to let them see you are upset as it will only spur them on. They sound like children, how old are the people we are talking about?

    I'm glad social services saw that it was just a malicious thing.

    Also don't respond to any texts you get.

    Sorry I couldn't offer any ground breaking advice image Hope you are ok.

    C
    xx
  • thankyou they are all in their mid twenties and it was his friends texting nasty then him i dont understand when all i have have ever been is polite and respectful they dont have children themselves so i think they think it is a game . my x was not happy about the split he was just vicious and tried making me feel like i should be with him for the sake of his feelings. thankyou again xxxx
  • That's awful. How childish.
    Like the others say keep the texts if they continue, I'm sure they'll get bored before long so although it's very hurtful, try not to let it get to you, at least social services know the score.
    Hope it gets sorted.
    Em x
  • I'm so sorry hun, what a horrible thing to do. I'm going through a similar situation myself at the moment, I have a 4 year old daughter with a guy called james, we split up when Abby was 18 months and I have since met and married my babys father, James hates that and has since contacted the court and said that I'm mistreating Abby and he wants its further investigated! I'm just waiting for someone to come round now so I can prove that its a load of rubbish. Its such a horrible, malicious thing to do and I cant belive your baby's dad just sat back and let them do it. I really feel for you. Hope your ok.
    xxxx
  • What they have done is awful - but social services are not like they used to be they dont come into homes bashing down doors tearing infants from mothers arms because she hasn't enought money for milk!
    Social services aim to keep as many children in the family home as possible - if needed they will assess you for support if thats what you require (not saying you do just explaining how the process works)
    They will not (should not) remove a child unless they are in imidiate danger.
    however I am SURE they are well verse in getting nasty phone calls claiming child abuse/neglect when its not the case and are well able to assess the reality!
    I'd say in all honest co-operaiate with SS tell them you have an ex whom has admitted that this 'friends have made these prank phone calls to them & that of course you are really distressed that social services have turned up on your door step and are questioning your parenting skills but that you understand that it is there job to ensure the childs safety and of course thats what you want to - and as you are aware there is no risk your willing to help them in anyways you can i.e information spot visits ect!'
    its not pleasent by any means and doesnt detract from how nasty a thing it is to have it happen to you but it really will work in your favour because the quicker they get in to have a look and check the quicker they can assess that's its unfounded!
    let us know how your getting on babes wont you? xx
  • hiya sorry i just wanted to add that is really important to keep a careful and detailed log of everything that has happened and is happening in case your ex decides to go through the system to get access or anything later on down the line.
    I split with my ex when our daughter was 7 mnths old and he then spent 2 years going throught the courts to get residency (he claimed that i ws unfit and on drugs and sleeping around and i had to prove to social services and the courts that it was all crap) but it made a huge difference to the case that i documented everything he said and did dating back to when we split and i think the authorities realised that all along he had been very bitter and twisted and was not keeping our daughters interests at heart but trying to get revenge on me. It took time but the case was dismissed and he now sees her for 4 hrs a week and is banned from applying for custody again.
    Sorry not much help but thats my advice...i'm sure that it will never get that far but if you have a good log of everything that has been said and done since the split, it may be enough to stop things getting out of hand later down the line.
    Anyway, don't let him get to u...one day he will grow up and realise that it is the baby not getting revenge that matters xxxx
  • OMG what immature little cretins. Your ex needs to put his so called 'mates' straight on a few things if he thinks anything of this little one that's going to be here soon enough.

    Firstly, you are the mother of his baby, so no matter what he needs to be showing you respect for that alone.

    Secondly he needs to realise that you do not need the stress this will cause you when you are growing his child.

    Thirdly, if he is happy to hang around with these eejits, that's his choice, but he needs to understand that they are not a part of yours and his relationship (as mother and father to the lo) and needs to make sure they know that in no uncertain terms.

    I can't believe they are in their mid 20's - stupid little boys.

    As for practical advice, think the ladies have said it already - SS will not storm the doors and are well used to timewasting nasty people trying to even scores that don't even concern them.

    Ooh I'm angry on your behalf..........

    Good luck hon
    Karenxx
  • Keep the text messages etc - if things get worse you could make a complaint to the police - in some cases sending malicious or offensive text messages can amount to an offence.

    Also, if it's his mates rather than him try not to let their interference destroy any positive communication you have with baby's father - after all, when baby arrives you will have a permanent link to baby's father and it will be better for everyone - especially your child - if you have an amicable relationship.
  • Hi Katie Lou,

    Just wanted to say that I'm a social worker and what everyone has said here is true, as long as you are happy to cooperate with social work they will soon see that there is no truth in allegations. Unfortunately we do get a few malicious referrals but it's normally pretty easy to see them for what they are.

    Make sure you log everything and keep texts on your phone in case you need to show police/social work in the future.

    Good luck and keep your chin up xx
  • i know its easier said than done but u need to show ur ex how strong u r by not reacting to it all. when he sees ur a mature, responsible mum he'll soon realise how immature hes been making himself look and how much hes lost out on and u might start seeing some remorse and maybe even grow up a bit himself. SS are there for a reason and will be able to tell the false accusations. good luck!!
  • i cant believe how immaturet they are all being, sounds like you are handling it really well - i know Im not offering advice, i dont really know what to say, but I didn't want to just r and r xxxx
  • OMG, how immature and malicious.
    I'm sorry but don't know of anyone who has been in a situation like this or been in one myself but I can only assume that it's a bit like stalking.

    In that sort of instance, I think you need to keep a diary of all the times and dates of when they send you these texts etc. If possible, maybe create a folder to save the texts messages in and contact the police about it.

    Also, if you ever see these people, don't confront them, just pretend that it's not effecting you and don't reply to the texts. With most bullies, if they don't get a reaction then they will eventually get bored and hopefully will stop but don't suffer alone. Get the police involved if you have to.
  • may i say thankyou to you all for your advice and support and i am keeping strong even though it is very hard. I hope that they will realise one day how immature there behaviour is and realise what they have done to me is wrong and unfair i keep getting texts off my ex making me feel guilty in this situation but i am keeping strong and know i am a good mum and mum to be and that none of this is my fault just because i dont want to be in a relationship with him . thankyou all again xxxxxxx
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