Need a shoulder

Hey girls. This is sorta pregnacny related. But the reason I came here for help was the fact that I always have people helping me.

My husband and I have been separated from my husband a while now. I have become pregnant for the first time with my new boyfriend. We are really happy and cant wait for the little pitter patter of feet around the house.

My husband and I decided before he got with this new gf. That we will get the divorce done after I gave birth. He has now got his new gf pregnant and she is threatening to leave him unless he gets divorced straight away. She knows the situation about my husband and I as I was friends with her. Really close friends.

Her step mum has now found my number and has been texting me asking me what the hold up was. As far as I was concerned it was something that happened between my husband and I and I don't understand why people have to interfere.

I am very hurt for me. Cause I have them on my case now as well. And have had a really difficult pregnancy. And there are other reasons why we cant get divorced yet anyway. But now I am feeling really shitty cause his gf is threatening to leave him cause he wont get divorced although the situation was explained to her and she has known me for a long time as well.

What do I do? I cant stop crying. My tummy is starting to ache and she wont stop moving around. My body is getting aggitated. And I really feeling like locking myself in a corner somewhere and staying there.


  • oh dear. I think you should speak to your husband and ask him if he wants to stick to the original plan of waiting or does he want to start now. If he says he wants a divorce asap then I'm afraid I would say he can do the paperwork and pay the costs and really it should make things easier for you.
    I guess with both of you expecting babies with new partners the divorce is what you both want ultimately so if delay is causing probs then let him sort it!
    Good Luck x
  • why not change your phone number, at least that way you wont have the added stress of interference from her stepmum. If its a mobile just ring them and tell them you are having nuisance calls and need it changing asap.

    secondly, speak to your husband, tell him you dont appreciate his girlfriends family ringing you, and between you try and work out the best route to take.
    like camlo said if they want the divorce so quick let him sort it and pay the fees.

    good luck xx
  • I agree, if he agreed to wait it is his problem if his gf wants it to go through sooner not yours. As she is pregnant as well she should appreciate that you don't need the extra stress and costs at the min.
  • I agree with all of the above - unless you and your exdh want to speed things along in view of the lo's arriving soonish, stick to your original plan.

    Don't let it get to you hon - wrong time to be getting stressed out and you're right - it's not up to them to be interfering. If his gf is playing the little pawn game already then I pity your exdh - she knew the situation when she got with him so tough. It is none of your doing what she is saying or threatening him with.

    As for her mum texting you I don't know where she gets off. Personally I'd send her one text only telling her that you will discuss your divorce with one person and that's your exdh and that you will not be reading, let alone replying to any more of her texts. Wow - I'm getting riled up for you here - pass me her number LOL!

    Good luck hon - deep breaths.......x
  • Can I ask why you were going to wait? If it was because it would be too stressful while pregnant then I'm not sure it's worth waiting anymore. Clearly the situation has changed (none of which is your fault) but it sounds like it is stressing you out (totally understandable) so maybe it is better to just go ahead now...

    You may feel like it's giving into the pressure but do you want to hold out as a point of principle? Is it worth it? You don't want this grief and it doesn't sound like it will stop if you decide to stick to the original plan.

    There isn't an easy answer and I'm so sorry you're having to go through this when you've done nothing wrong, none of it is your responsibility and there is no real reason why it can't wait. You shouldn't have been put in this position but it's happening and you now have to think about what is really best for you, your partner and your baby. Trust your instincts - you're having to pick the best option out of a bad bunch so it's a tough decision to make. Only you and your partner really know what's best in your situation.

    I hope you get it all sorted one way or another soon. Take care of yourself.

    Sonia x
  • Thank you very much ladies.
    I have stayed home today to gather my thoughts. I was tired and loosing sleep. And my bf was getting very worried. I also am very angry at what my ex is going through and don't understand why she is putting him through this.

    She knew before they got together what the situation was. They weren'ty even bf and gf when she got pregnant. After 6 weeks of sleeping with each other. She fell pregnant....

    Urg I dont know. But thank you for all your replies though. Karen always makesme laugh. Someone like you that I'd love as a close friend. Always manages to put a smile on my face.

    I am feeling alot better today. And more positive. Thinking about my little unborn girl. And how happy and lucky I am to have her in my life already.

  • Hi hun

    Sorry to butt in on your conversation, i can understand your situation but in alot of ways i can understand your ex's gf as well, simply because my partner was married when i first got with him although they had been split up for some time and i absolutely hated being with a married man, even though he was with me i always felt that i was second best. They divorced when i was pregnant with our son. We have been together for a long time now and have a little girl on the way but the finances have only just been finalised. Surely it would be alot easier for you both if you got the divorced finalised then you can both move on with your lives! It only costs ??300 for the divorce and you can request that your ex pays for this.

    Sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear but i just know how i felt in the same situation. It cant be easy for any of you
  • Me Karen? If so I'm glad I make you laugh! I don't even mean to most of the time - I just speak as I think and it quite often comes out in a very direct way!!!!

    You sound a bit calmer today anyway so good for youxx
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