Jul 31, 2009 1:31PM
I just saw this touched on another post.
Do you have step children and esp if this is your first baby - is there anything you have made sure you want your baby to do or not to do that you have seen from your step child/children?
Jul 31, 2009 11:43AM
Ooh! I've not seen the other post....I've got two step-daughters and could quite happily write a book on my experiences. They are nearly 16 and 13, my son is 11, our daughter is 21 months and we are expected our 2nd baby at the end of September. It is very, very, very hard work - I assume from your post that you mean behaviour issues with step children? Things they do that you don't like? I'm not sure that this forum is big enough lol!!!! There's a few things, and obviously having a child already myself adds another dimension - he often complains that Im harder on him etc etc. We've had issue with really basic things, personal hygeine, speach, table manners, untidiness, usual suspects.....!
What's your situation? xx
Jul 31, 2009 12:07PM
Well funnily enough i am a step daughter! My Step mother and I lived together from when I was 8, relationship went from ok to bad to worse! Thought it would getting better as I got older became a woman etc, got married and now pregnant etc but nope!
So I am really conscious of how I am with my current situation! OH has an 8 year old son from his previous marriage.
i am so conscious of how my step mum was with me and how it made me feel I never want him to feel like that. Although I do have a new sympathy for my step mum as it must have been hard as thanks to my weak father he rarely stuck by her and her decisions to disapline me. Which I am making sure OH does do with me and his son!
All I can say knowing how I was as a step daughter fighting for the love and attention a daughter does from her father is thank god i have a step son not a daughter!!!
Jul 31, 2009 12:34PM
I am also a step daughter, although I have no step children.
I was very lucky in both situations really. My step mum was strict but has never been any different with me, my sister or her own 2 children, who are younger than us. My dad is quite soft, and was always very worried we would hate him as he left, that it was always up to my step mum to disapline us, and we did respect her for it. My step dad is much older and has 2 older children. We lived with my mum and my stepdad. His children we horrible to us for a very long time, however, and he did nothing about it. We all get on fairly well now though! My step brother was particularly difficult as there is only 8 years between him and my mum and he found this very difficult. However, to be honest, life was pretty good. So I dont know about if I had step children of my own but I would like to think I would be able to be the same with them as my family were with me.
Jul 31, 2009 1:24PM
Step families are a minefield - to varying degrees depending on the circumstances. We are lucky that our combined children get on really well and my OH's girls are better behaved for us than they are when they are with their mum and step-dad. They've never turned round with the 'your not my mum' - well not yet anyway!
A lot depends on how supportive the 'ex' is in my experience, if OH's daughters complain about being told off/not allowed to have etc from their mother then his response to them is always in support of their mother - which I believe is the correct way to deal with it. However from the other side my OH will get a phone call and have to try and justify himself, on many occasions this is on the back of some MAJOR embellishments to the story. It has got better lately though.
It sounds like you've got the right idea Curlygal - if you can agree on the basics, bedtime times, manners etc then you'll be ok. I get on really well with my eldest stepdaughter, not that she doesn't have her moments, but she's been lovely with our toddler and adores my son. She's good company and is looking forward to this baby being born - although she is not prepared to share her birthday under any circumstances hahah! Apparently I have to cross my legs til the following day. My relationship with younger stepdaughter has been strained, but her behaviour is challenging to all parties, not just me. She's been more affected by her mum and dad splitting up, maybe because she was younger and didn't benifit from any explanations etc. Hopefully she'll grow into a more easy going person in the next couple of years. I do clash with OH massively over this daughter - it's not her I dislike, it's her behavior and the way its not addressed in the way I believe is right - but not much can change that when a lot of it is problems of her mother's creation....
There should be an award scheme, both for step-parents and step-children! xx
Jul 31, 2009 1:31PM
I don't have any but I am a step-daughter (or I was) My dad's wife passed away some years back.
Basically when he remarried (I was 5 years old) his wife didn't like the fact he had a whole life before her and didn't like me being around (especially when she had children of her own)
It got so bad that eventually I stopped seeing him altogether (about 8 years old) and barely spoke to him until my 21st birthday when he decided it was important for me to be in his life.
Stepmother didn't like this one bit and actually started divorce proceedings. Unfortunately she passed away shortly after and I tried to rebuild my relationship with my dad but unfortunately the damage was done and I don't see much of him.
I have brothers who I would love to spend more time with and get to know better but it is hard for them to accept me when I was out of their lives for so long.
I don't know what I am trying to achieve here sorry! Rambling a bit!!
I suppose it's just to say take on board that there is more that a step-mother / step-child relationship to consider, there are siblings and real parents too.
If I did have any step-children I would ensure that they were all treated equally, or if hubby ever remarried and had more children I would like to be make sure that she was respected as their stepmother (may be easier said than done!)
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