Can I whinge in here? Feeling bullied....

Anyone else have problems with grandparents to be?! Everyone was told when we got the blood results and they were all asked not to share our news untill we had the scan ( my dates are mixed up, I'm somewhere between 10-15 weeks now ) My Mil has told her friends at work, but we work at the same hospital and when they see me they congratulate me and ask me how I'm feeling. One of them asked me how I was in front of someone I work with who didn't know I was pregnant (because I've choosen for now not to say anything!) which was an embarrasing situation.... But I don't know how to handle it and ask her not to tell anyone else. My mum doesn't know she has shared the news and would go mad if she heard. She is sticking to her promise and not telling anyone, and its killing her. Everytime we speak she whinges she wants to tell someone. So it's pissed me off that one seems to think she has the divine right to tell the world and I feel guilty for making my mum stick to her promise

My Fil is treating me like a mere 'baby cooker' lists of what I must/can't do, but doesn't seem to give a damm how I'm feeling or any sympathy towards what has been quite bad sickness. Keeps telling hubby wonderful tales of saturday afternoons in the library or toyshop and sunday mornings at the park, and painting a very rose-tinted view of parenthood. He also leaves mil out of these conversations like she was left at home cooking & cleaning....

My own dad is pretty indifferent, seems to be able to take it or leave it at the moment. My mum seems to have her own set ideas on how I go about things..... I'm keen to breastfeed and would like once I've got going to express so hubby can feed and all the other advantages of expressing like being able to go out and leave my milk at home for babysitter etc. She thinks this is a horrendous idea and I'll never get to grips with it. I want to use reuseable nappies, she told me to join the 21st centuary, apparently I'll have enough to do without having to wash everyday. God knows why but I let slip I will have some newborn soothers in my hospital bag and she went mad at me, did I not know how dangerous they are and the problems they cause.... I pointed out to her the reduced risk of cotdeath if a baby uses one and she sort of huffed and puffed at me..... I don't intend to use them permanently but I think in the early weeks they don't do any harm do they?

It's our first baby, feeling abit flattened and bullied :cry:


  • I know it's really hard chick but try to ignore them! Could you maybe get oh to have a word with his mum? It's not really on for her to be telling people if you don't want to yet, especially if you work in the same place. I'm sorry that your mum isn't being more supportive, I am lucky that my mum is fab and even if she didn't share my views on bringing up my kids she certainly wouldn't say, but I did have exactly the same problem with my gran. She still doesn't belive in breastfeeding and can't understand why Millie didn't have a dummy (we just never needed one) but she didn't stop telling me about it untill Millie was about 4 months old! She only stopped then because I completely lost it with her in a shopping centre and told her what I thought!!!

    This is your (and oh's) baby and you must do things the way you think is right. I'm sure that if you just keep telling everybody how it will be they will get the message.

    P.S. I use reusable nappies with Millie and intend to with number 2 (due June) as well. It really doesn't make any extra work, you can put the washer on as quickly as you can take disposables to the dust bin!
  • I think your MIL has been most unreasonable by telling people particularly when you have specificly asked her not to.
    The only thing I can say about your own mothers opinions is that you are your own person and probably the best thing you can do is nod and agree and then do what the hell you want to do when the baby arrives. Your mother as you have already said is completely wrong about dummys they do not cause problems and can help reduce cot death.
    Your Dads indifference I think is quite normal for fathers mine was very much the same until my daughter was born, he really didn't want to know the ins and outs of pregnancy and wasn't interested in the slightest.
    Try not to let any of this stress you out its the last thing you need at the moment.
    Good Luck and hope things improve once you have had your scan

  • It is a difficult time mate! I understand they all think they are doing the right thing but tbh they should butt out!!!

    This lo is yours and your oh's - not thiers. They have done their parenting, now its your turn and all decisions are yours. They should not be bullying you and I think you and your oh need to stick to your guns and if it can be done in a nice way - tell them so!

    I really feel for you - when I had my 1st my mum was definately full of "opinions". My dad was a bit like yours too but once my boys were here, he changed and I kept catching him doing really sweet stuff but not in an imposing way (if you know what I mean)! He was fantastic at getting my lo to sleep by just being calm and stroking his brow!

    I really hope you can sort this out babe!

    Love Lee
  • awww I really feel for you I'm also pg with our first and I think its hard enough without running into trouble with family. We also told both sets of parents when we found out but were lucky and they resepected that it was a secret untill the scan. Although when after the scan and we told people that caused problems but that another story!! I'm using reuseables just tell here there fasionable again!!! I'm 21+5 weeks now and fil still hasnt said congratulations to me or his son - which does upset me but then that hubbys family for you. You wait till they show a preferance to sex of the baby. I know its hard at times but make sure you stick to your guns or just dont tell them your plans!! he he hope it gets better and you have a happy pregnancy xxx
  • i know the feeling here hun!!! me n oh live with his parents, we not married but engaged so they still mil n fil! lol but his mum n sister tried telling me what to do n what to buy etc etc early on in pregnancy when i was looking at baby stuff, more for finances than anything but still they were trying to tell me what to buy etc etc oh dad has only now taken an interest in pregnancy n the fact that lo's going to be first grandson on oh side. so i decided to put a ban on anyone visiting when i'm in hospital, which is a pain coz although it hit my dad as quite a shock (i'm only 18 n his only daughter) my mum & now him have been brilliant!
    good luck anyway hun n you're not alone!;20750;42/st/20080421/dt/6/k/fc61/preg.png

  • Oh dear they are all the same aren't they. Do your head in! I'm so sick of parents telling me what to do it's untrue, I wish they'd all mind their own business. I'm planning to breast and bottle feed and use disposable nappies but everyone should make their own choices and not feel pressured by parents outdated beliefs lol. There is nothing wrong with kids having dummies - as long as they're not used to shut the child up once he/she starts talking - then they're very useful! xxxxx

  • Hate to say this but it doesnt get any better, my mum is close to my daughter (we lived with her for a couple of years) and she'll spend a week with her a few times a year. I then get constant updates on what she likes and does, such as "you should hear her read she's very good", I'll point out that I listen to her read every day which is why shes so good and then get "but you should hear her when shes here", I'm also constantly told how good she is and how proud I should be, when I say I am proud of her she says I should be more so!! I should point out that my daughters 11, I think she'll be worse with number 2 as she now has MIL to compete against.
  • Families!!! Who'd have them :lol:
    Sounds like you MiL needs a muzzle :lol:
    Thankfully I don't have to worry about the constant ADVICE and DO'S and DON'TS. My family wouldn't dare neither would oh's.
    You have to be strong with them hun and put your foot down.
    Good Luck :\)
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