Unsure on Pregnancy

Ekx10 · Oct 12, 2019 8:14AM

Firstly, I understand this is a forum for people who do want a baby, but I’m hoping someone may have been as confused as I am right now and can offer advice...as I’m pregnant but unsure of what to do!

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years, we own a house together, his job is stable, and I started my own business 6 months ago so my income isn’t amazing right now but I’m getting there. So we’re not in a bad situation, we just didn’t plan to have a baby just yet.

We found out I’m pregnant yesterday and both very shocked. We have already discussed options (keep or abort) a lot and within an hour I’d phoned the abortion clinic and booked in for 2 weeks time...I hadn’t actually thought it through, I was just panicking and wished I wasn’t pregnant.

I’m still completely unsure of what to do, however my boyfriend thinks the best thing is to go ahead with the abortion and try for a baby in a couple of years when we are ‘ready’. He’s not pressured me into it one bit, it’s all been calm conversation, and I’m not worried about our relationship at all, just the situation we’re in!

I’ve cried and cried already. Thinking and reading about the abortion process has me feeling distraught. I have no problem with abortions in general, but the thought of having one myself is so scary. All I do is cry thinking about it, and I know afterwards I will suffer mentally. But for some reason I haven’t ruled it out. Maybe because I know the appointment is booked and that I can change my mind any time in the next 2 weeks.

On the other hand, when I start looking at stuff online about going ahead with the pregnancy and having a baby it brings me comfort and I’m instantly no longer crying. I don’t particularly want to be pregnant, and if I could do a negative test right now it would feel like a weight lifted off my shoulders, but that doesn’t mean I want to abort the baby (3 weeks so not developed into anything baby-looking yet) I do have inside me. I don’t think my boyfriend quite understands that part.

So as you can see, I’m very confused! I haven’t ruled out an abortion just yet but the thought of it makes me feel so alone and upset. I’m not happy or excited that I’m pregnant, and I’m hoping someone can share their experiences of that. I think I could grow to be happy if I have a firm decision in my head of keeping it, and I definitely don’t think myself or my boyfriend would be holding our new born baby thinking ‘I regret this’, it’s all just so scary as it was unplanned!

Thank you for listening to my ramblings.

Rachel.a21 · Oct 12, 2019 1:55PM

Hey there. Just wanted to offer my experience with unplanned pregnancy. I got pregnant unexpectedly when I was 18, my boyfriend and I hadn’t known each other long at all. I was in college and working a minimum wage job, my boyfriend was also working an hourly job. I was very scared, of course. I wasn’t excited or happy, I was in a panic. My family was disappointed in me. I still lived at home and my boyfriend had an apartment. I personally knew I wasn’t getting an abortion, but I was very scared. However, the further along I got in my pregnancy and after having ultrasounds and hearing heartbeats, the more excited I got. It doesn’t become real until your baby is here, and I wouldn’t have traded that for the world. Now, my son is about to be 8 and my then boyfriend and I have now been married 4 years. I am a teacher and he works for a well-paying company. Everything worked out for us in the end. Yes it was hard some days, but we made it through together and I wouldn’t trade my son for anything in the world. And now, he’s going to be a big brother! Of course, this decision is ultimately between you and your husband as no one can make that decision for you. It becomes more exciting as the months go on and once you see your child’s face. I hope that you have peace as you’re figuring out what is best for you and your husband. Best of luck

EmJ3 · Oct 12, 2019 2:41PM

What you’re feeling is overwhelmed! It’s a massive change and you probably don’t feel ready. I wasn’t ready for my first daughter but she’s the best thing ever! I’ve got friends who have terminated a pregnancy, 2 totally regret it and it troubles them and 2 don’t- which isn’t much help! Ultimately the decision is yours but don’t rush it, even if you have to rebook the appointment for later. Don’t terminate until you’re sure that’s what you want.xxx

Susiegirlygirl · Oct 13, 2019 10:35PM

I agree,it's a scary scenario regardless of wanting it or not. But if there is any doubt there then don't make the rash decision to go ahead with it u need to be 100% sure it's what u want because if i abort the baby and u are unsure then u will mentally torture yourself. My son was unplanned and let me tell u this hun, u will feel a love like no other when u hold that baby. So much so it will hurt your heart because from the moment u hold them u can never ever imagine your life without them in it. My son is now 12 and he is the absolute love of my life the soppiest most loveable rogue and he adores me as much as i do him. So what I'm getting at is yes u will feel scared now but that's totally normal and there's no perfect time to have a baby. Maybe this is your time xxx whatever u choose I wish u all the best and always here if u need a chat just inbox x

TryingforNo1 · Oct 14, 2019 12:13AM

You aren't a bad person either decision that you make. You need to make the choice that is right for you and going to be what you want for the rest of your life. Once you make the choice that is with you forever. Not trying to talk you out of it, just the reality of the situation, i think girls think that once they have an abortion they will be able to ignore that it ever happened, but it stays with you. I think you need to sit down and have an open and honest conversation with your partner about what keeping the baby and aborting the pregnancy will look like for both of you and go from there. Most important message, do what is right for you. Go with your gut, cos that is usually right x

Unsure on Pregnancy

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