help!
Hi there,
I have a 4 year old son and his dad and i have been apart since ds was 1. Despite the abuse and bullying that occurred during our relationship (him to me) my ds' dad has always wanted to be a part of his life. He didnt have much interest in our ds until he turned 3 but i have always supported and encouraged their relationship. He has a lot of access to our son (tea 3 times a week, one with an overnight and every other weekend) but recently ds hasnt wanted to see his dad.
The reasons ds have given me are
daddy says i'm too old for snuggles (his dad says thats just at night)
daddy wont let me ring you
and he has heard his dad shouting at me over the phone when he has been at his dads (recently because his dad refused to drop him off at our agreed time)
Naturally i am concerened, ds will go and play at his dads but refuses to go for any long length of time. i have tried encouraging him and talking to him but he still refuses. The thing is i am happy for ds to stay with us every night but his dad has got it into his head that i am somehow getting in the way of their relationship which is clearly not the case.
We had a sit down and chat the other night about it and ds' dad agreed to take it one step at a time and promised that ds could ring and/or come home whenever he likes.
I am hoping he can change and put our sons best interests at heart but part of me cant quite believe that and i am not really sure what to do. If i suggest anything he goes through the roof and gets abusive towards me.
i never have and never will force ds to go when he really doesnt want to, he says he loves his daddy and he always comes home happy so i know he is not being mistreated in anyway, my ex is a lot of things but i do know ds is safe with him and that they love each other very much. my ex actually admitted to me that he says/does a lot of things to 'get my back up' which really isnt the right way to go about anything.
how do i get him to stop and just think about ds and his wellbeing rather than just getting at me all the time?
