So angry, please can anyone give me advise

lilbabe · Jun 20, 2008 4:24PM

Hi

I usually use another name on this site but wanted to keep this anon. I was using my oh mobile phone on sunday to send a message. When i went in to delete my sent message ( this is what i do on my own phone to keep space) i saw he had sent someone a message releating to a pic he got from them. His message back was along the lines of thanks for that, i had fun looking at that(only a bit more rude). When i asked him about it he said it was nothing. Then he admitted he had found someone on the internet who was interested in the same things as him and it was a one off message between them. I felt sick to my stomache and have been so upset since then i didnt know what to do. We have a 15 mth old baby who is the love of my life. He was scared that because we went out without telling him that i was leaving. We have been together for 10 years now and nothing like this has ever happend. We have never even really had a disagreement. He is really sorry and feels so stupid, he knows he has done wrong and is embarrased. What should i do

pickle3 · Jun 11, 2008 5:54PM

Hi, didnt want to read and run, but in my opinion i think you need to ask yourself if you beleive he is being honest with you, if you beleive he wont do it again and if you want to be with him still...if the answer is yes to all then perhaps tell him how much he has hurt you so he realises and put it behind you both if you feel thats possible. If not perhaps you both need a serious chat. Hope you both get it sorted, best of luck, kayley xxx

whalemummy · Jun 18, 2008 5:27PM

Hey sweetheart, i didn't want to read and run but i'm gonna have to be quick. I think you need to try and assess who this person is (not like her name, etc but how much they've been talking etc) and how he really feels about her. I think something like this shouldn't be taken lightly incase he's not happy but i wouldn't pack your bags incase its not anything extreme. It's probably going to be really hard to make sense of things in your head about it but try and stay calm about it all and just talk. If you feel you can't talk about it then i find that if i write every little thing down thats anoying me regardless of how stupid it is - it doesn't have to make sense as you won't necessarily need to read it back - and come back to it with your partner when you feel ready.

Sorry if i haven't been much help but my fingers are crossed for you xxxx

SRM · Jun 19, 2008 3:02PM

I don't know if you'll agree with this, but in 10 years if this is the first little glitch, perhaps you could try and first just talk things through. it could be that you've been so busy with the baby that you both have not been doing enough 'relationship stuff' - not that that's any excuse, but try and understand his mindset. A relationship is also a friendship and sometimes we need to understand and help each other - figure out what the other is going through... see if there's really something to get so worked up over. yes, it's upsetting, even scary, but 10 years of a good thing have got to count for something!

Really hope it works out - it's so rare to find a happy balance in a family... it would be a shame to lose it.

maaike · Jun 20, 2008 4:24PM

I think if you've been together 10 years you should know him well enough and also know whether your relationship has not been at its best recently. I really believe that this woman is not a direct threat, (how can a woman on the internet compare with the mother of your child?) but perhaps is a sign that something needs twigging between you to make things work again.

So angry, please can anyone give me advise

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