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feeling very sad today
last night i slept for about half hour, on my sofa. It was the worst night in a while. Could not sleep in my bed, hubby was doing his normal snoring thing (which never ever used to bug me) but now i wanna kill him. So i go to the front room and 'sleep' on the sofa. Hmmm sleep.
Then i wake up this morning PETRIFIED of being pregnant and just totally thinking its the worst thing ever to happen to me and i have ruined my life. (which i know isnt true but bare with me). I am only 6-7 weeks but it feels like everyday is a struggle as i fear miscarriage every second of the day
I am going to my mums tomorrow. She lives 600 miles away so we're getting the train, 9 hours and when i booked the seats i forgot to click sitting together so we're a few seats apart (when i booked them i didnt know i was pregnant) and now i am a bit upset. I dont get on with my mum, well we do, but we dont. An hour is good enough usually to drive each other mad. 3 DAYS! How the crap am i gonna do this? And i have to tell her i am pregnant, which i am dreading as she'll think the same things i am today.... that its a bad idea. And i know i didnt sleep because of it. I am so afraid.
Maybe i shouldnt even post this as it's gonna bring everyone down, but i just need to get it out.
I am 23 and married, havent lived at home in 7 years and have never asked a penny off her and yet i let her opinion rule my life. What degree i did, where i lived everything, and now i have a degree i dont want and am a bit fed up. I pretty much repress most of my childhood/upbringing. (oh and my dad left when i was 12 so thats a no go area as well)
But... everyone around me has mums who are great and supportive and i don't. Oh god i know its because its mothers day and i feel extra guilty. Part of me really doesnt want to tell her but i have to as i dont know the next time we'll go up as its so far to go.
Maybe i need to try and sleep again, just this being pregnant thing is so much harder than i thought it would be
not really expecting anything from anyone, i just kinda want to write it all down and collect my thoughts (got way too many, maybe i need to cut my thoughts down!)
Then i wake up this morning PETRIFIED of being pregnant and just totally thinking its the worst thing ever to happen to me and i have ruined my life. (which i know isnt true but bare with me). I am only 6-7 weeks but it feels like everyday is a struggle as i fear miscarriage every second of the day
I am going to my mums tomorrow. She lives 600 miles away so we're getting the train, 9 hours
and when i booked the seats i forgot to click sitting together so we're a few seats apart (when i booked them i didnt know i was pregnant) and now i am a bit upset. I dont get on with my mum, well we do, but we dont. An hour is good enough usually to drive each other mad. 3 DAYS! How the crap am i gonna do this? And i have to tell her i am pregnant, which i am dreading as she'll think the same things i am today.... that its a bad idea. And i know i didnt sleep because of it. I am so afraid. Maybe i shouldnt even post this as it's gonna bring everyone down, but i just need to get it out.
I am 23 and married, havent lived at home in 7 years and have never asked a penny off her and yet i let her opinion rule my life. What degree i did, where i lived everything, and now i have a degree i dont want and am a bit fed up. I pretty much repress most of my childhood/upbringing. (oh and my dad left when i was 12 so thats a no go area as well)
But... everyone around me has mums who are great and supportive and i don't. Oh god i know its because its mothers day and i feel extra guilty. Part of me really doesnt want to tell her but i have to as i dont know the next time we'll go up as its so far to go.
Maybe i need to try and sleep again, just this being pregnant thing is so much harder than i thought it would be
not really expecting anything from anyone, i just kinda want to write it all down and collect my thoughts (got way too many, maybe i need to cut my thoughts down!)
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Replies
Even if your mum is a bit cold to the idea of you being pregnant, once she sees the baby, she'll be thrilled! Trust me, I don't exist when we are at my mom's with my dd! If she lives 600 miles away I take it you don't see her too often either but it will make those times that she gets to see the baby all the more special. My family is all in Canada so when we lived in the UK and in America and they got to see dd, she was spoiled rotten and tbh, I didn't have to lift a finger for her so I had a nice break too!!!
Hang in there, you're hormones are wacky right now ;\) and I imagine over- thinking things (lack of sleep?).... I had so many breakdowns when pregs - I even threw water at DH ;\)
Enjoy your weekend! Maybe another passenger will switch seats with you so the two of you can sit together???
H.
It's tricky to know what to say to comfort you - I can totally understand your fears about mc and share them completely. But perhaps these ideas might help you:
Get HUBBY to sleep on the sofa.
Don't tell your mum at the moment unless you really can't avoid it (eg she tries to force feed booze down you or you spend all day chucking up). At the moment you need to feel positive about your pregnancy and if you think she will be down on it, then don't tell her!
I know from previous conversations we've had that you did a teaching degree but don't teach now. Don't feel bad - teaching is soooo hard and so much of it has absolutely nothing to do with teaching. It's no wonder so many people jack it in. I'm only still doing it cos I am doing supply so have none of the associated crapola to do. BUT! A degree is a degree at the end of the day - an indication of your intelligence and ability to stick at something. It is still valuable to have. Perhaps one day you will use it as a way of working with children in another capacity, or perhaps you will use it to get yourself on a post-grad course of YOUR choosing. You never know when it will come in handy.
Lastly I would say that the old adage that you can't choose your family is soo bang on. In my experience blood is definitely NOT thicker than water - don't feel guilty that you don't have the best relationship with your mum - if anyone should feel guilty it is HER! But my advice would be to try to draw a line under the past and just take your mum for who she is. If you find it difficult to be with her for a long time, organise walks or something with your oh while you are up there, or ask you oh to be a "buffer" for you (perhaps make up a code word). But don't force something that perhaps isn't going to happen - just take the relationship for what it is and hopefully it will become easier for you.
Big interweb hugs
Saraxx
I love this baby already, thats really not a problem. And frillypink my symptoms have gotten worse, got morning sickness now (massive nausea which wont go away) which is good in a way!
hubby reckons we should assess how she is when we get there. if it doesnt look good, we're gonna wait till the 12 week scan and then ring her. Life just is that way sometimes, easier option. But if she clocks my boobs and lack of appetite she might guess... so we'll see.
You're right, i dont need to worry, she lives so far anyway that to be honest she isnt a part of my life and therefore... her opinion of it doesnt matter.
Moonandstars i did do teaching but it was so hard for me, the hours were a joke, and my TA got paid more than me in the end, what a load of rubbish!
My hubby is amazing and he's gonna support me with whatever my mums says, thankfully my stepdad is lovely and will be good to have about if she goes a bit awol.
Am just packing our bags, deciding what i'll need for 4 days at a farm! argh i am girly and dont like mess lol.
Also... train issue, we're gonna see if we can upgrade to first class when we get there... or i will see if someone will swop
Thanks again ladies, xxx much appreciated.
Good luck with your mum xx
told me brothers and little sister who are all pleased, its so weird!!