🚨 Advance warning 🚨 This forum will be closing on 1st May – please see our pinned thread for more information.
Options
please help i dont know what to do
im going mad and cant stop crying.
ill start from the begininng so you all know the story. sorry but its quite a long post.
i was in a long term relationship up until Feb this year for about 5 years. my ex partner had a problem with drink and although he never hit me he could be very nasty and verbally abusive. I met a guy through work when i had to move desks and we hit it off. seeing how nice he was kind of gave me the courage to leave my ex. the new guy had a girlfriend though. we started seeing each other but i felt bad about 'being the other woman' so broke it off with him. he wasnt getting on with his gf either and eventually she left him. since then we have been seeing each other like bf and gf. however it hasnt all been plain sailing and i found out i was pregnant in May. i am pretty sure the baby is the new guy's but i did sleep with my ex once since we split when i was feeling really low (although he didnt come inside me, sorry if too much info) and its been causing major problems.
the new guy has been to the scans with me so far but he says he cant help wondering if the baby is really his. it started to affect me too so last week i had an amniocentesis done so i could have a prenatal paternity test to try and determine who the baby's father is. im still waiting for the results as the dna company got in touch to say they havent been able to determine paternity yet as there was too much dna from me and not the baby, the doctor who did the amnio took back up samples so he has sent these off so hopefully it means i can now get a result. but i cant stop stressing about it which i guess isnt helping.
me and the new guy have been getting on well- we have had a few wobbles though as i think he is still hung up on his ex and he did go from one relationship to the next. he said last week he does really care for me and will always be there for the baby and me whatever happens, if it is his. also a couple of weeks ago my ex found out i was pregnant and sent me a vile email saying he was going to kill my new partner. i ended up contacting the police and they served him with a notice saying he isnt allowed to contact me or he will be arrested and so far this seems to have worked. but it put more strain on me and the new guy and he did say he didnt know how much more of this he could take. then on thursday just gone he found out his ex's gf's grandad had died. he did have an illness so it wasnt a shock but i know he was really close to him. anyway i thought he was ok with it but on friday at work (i sit next to him) he was really off in the afternoon and just left early without really making any plans with me, which isnt like him. anyway i text him when i got home and asked if he was ok and he was really ***** with me saying he wants to be left alone. i said i was thinking of him and he should text me if he changed his mind but he just replied that he needed some time alone and would see me monday, he left kisses off his text which i think is always a bad sign.
anyways we usually see each other all the time and every weekend so was hard not seeing/speaking to him. i text him to see how he was doing and he replied at 1am saying he was ok and asked how i was but again didnt put a kiss. i have access to his phone usage online as i bought him the phone when we were seeing each other when he still had his gf. ive just looked and found that he was ringing sex lines last night which has really upset me.
he finally got in touch saturday and just said he had a bad afternoon at work. i have seen him every night since then and he has been ok. but then again at work today he was really weird and said he had had enough of work and everything. i asked him if he needed to talk but he said again he needed space. i asked what he was doing tonight and he said he was probably having an early night. i asked if i could text and he said it was probably best to leave it for a bit. i asked if i had done anything wrong but he says i havent. i am meant to be going to see a new flat tomorrow and he was meant to be coming with me to view it- we arent living together yet but i wanted his opinion and have no idea what to do now.
im just so distraught. i dont know why he has shut me out, if he is upset about his ex, her grandad, if he is fed up with me. i feel terrible and cant help thinking he is breaking up with me or wants to break up with me. i just feel so rejected and alone. i want him to support me but he isnt. i dont know how i am going to bring up the baby alone. i feel so miserable and sad. i really love him, we have a great sex life and have been getting on so well usually. Last thursday night he was saying he was looking forward to nights in with me and the baby. i dont know why he suddenly wants to be alone. i feel like i want to go round and see him but am worried this will make him angry as he has asked for space.
i cant sleep or eat and feel ill. what do you think i should do? please help i feel like im going mad.
i just dont know what to do. i cant stop crying. i feel like this should be a really happy time and it isnt and ive done it all wrong. i know it isnt ideal how we got together but we do get on really well and i really want us to work. i just feel so sad inside.but at same time feel its unfair how he seems to dictate how i feel. i know my hormones wont be helping but i cry at the slightest thing.
just dont understand how he can say i havent done anything wrong when clearly i must have done. someone please reply as i feel like im going insane!!!
ps sorry its so long xxx
ill start from the begininng so you all know the story. sorry but its quite a long post.
i was in a long term relationship up until Feb this year for about 5 years. my ex partner had a problem with drink and although he never hit me he could be very nasty and verbally abusive. I met a guy through work when i had to move desks and we hit it off. seeing how nice he was kind of gave me the courage to leave my ex. the new guy had a girlfriend though. we started seeing each other but i felt bad about 'being the other woman' so broke it off with him. he wasnt getting on with his gf either and eventually she left him. since then we have been seeing each other like bf and gf. however it hasnt all been plain sailing and i found out i was pregnant in May. i am pretty sure the baby is the new guy's but i did sleep with my ex once since we split when i was feeling really low (although he didnt come inside me, sorry if too much info) and its been causing major problems.
the new guy has been to the scans with me so far but he says he cant help wondering if the baby is really his. it started to affect me too so last week i had an amniocentesis done so i could have a prenatal paternity test to try and determine who the baby's father is. im still waiting for the results as the dna company got in touch to say they havent been able to determine paternity yet as there was too much dna from me and not the baby, the doctor who did the amnio took back up samples so he has sent these off so hopefully it means i can now get a result. but i cant stop stressing about it which i guess isnt helping.
me and the new guy have been getting on well- we have had a few wobbles though as i think he is still hung up on his ex and he did go from one relationship to the next. he said last week he does really care for me and will always be there for the baby and me whatever happens, if it is his. also a couple of weeks ago my ex found out i was pregnant and sent me a vile email saying he was going to kill my new partner. i ended up contacting the police and they served him with a notice saying he isnt allowed to contact me or he will be arrested and so far this seems to have worked. but it put more strain on me and the new guy and he did say he didnt know how much more of this he could take. then on thursday just gone he found out his ex's gf's grandad had died. he did have an illness so it wasnt a shock but i know he was really close to him. anyway i thought he was ok with it but on friday at work (i sit next to him) he was really off in the afternoon and just left early without really making any plans with me, which isnt like him. anyway i text him when i got home and asked if he was ok and he was really ***** with me saying he wants to be left alone. i said i was thinking of him and he should text me if he changed his mind but he just replied that he needed some time alone and would see me monday, he left kisses off his text which i think is always a bad sign.
anyways we usually see each other all the time and every weekend so was hard not seeing/speaking to him. i text him to see how he was doing and he replied at 1am saying he was ok and asked how i was but again didnt put a kiss. i have access to his phone usage online as i bought him the phone when we were seeing each other when he still had his gf. ive just looked and found that he was ringing sex lines last night which has really upset me.
he finally got in touch saturday and just said he had a bad afternoon at work. i have seen him every night since then and he has been ok. but then again at work today he was really weird and said he had had enough of work and everything. i asked him if he needed to talk but he said again he needed space. i asked what he was doing tonight and he said he was probably having an early night. i asked if i could text and he said it was probably best to leave it for a bit. i asked if i had done anything wrong but he says i havent. i am meant to be going to see a new flat tomorrow and he was meant to be coming with me to view it- we arent living together yet but i wanted his opinion and have no idea what to do now.
im just so distraught. i dont know why he has shut me out, if he is upset about his ex, her grandad, if he is fed up with me. i feel terrible and cant help thinking he is breaking up with me or wants to break up with me. i just feel so rejected and alone. i want him to support me but he isnt. i dont know how i am going to bring up the baby alone. i feel so miserable and sad. i really love him, we have a great sex life and have been getting on so well usually. Last thursday night he was saying he was looking forward to nights in with me and the baby. i dont know why he suddenly wants to be alone. i feel like i want to go round and see him but am worried this will make him angry as he has asked for space.
i cant sleep or eat and feel ill. what do you think i should do? please help i feel like im going mad.
i just dont know what to do. i cant stop crying. i feel like this should be a really happy time and it isnt and ive done it all wrong. i know it isnt ideal how we got together but we do get on really well and i really want us to work. i just feel so sad inside.but at same time feel its unfair how he seems to dictate how i feel. i know my hormones wont be helping but i cry at the slightest thing.
just dont understand how he can say i havent done anything wrong when clearly i must have done. someone please reply as i feel like im going insane!!!
ps sorry its so long xxx
0
Replies
Hows things now?
I personally would just give him space, if thats what he has asked for and if it turns out he doesn't want to be in the relationship then it would be best he does leave. You wouldn't want him to stay with you if he didn't want too.
But also i think he is being a bit mean to you the way he is treating you.
I would give him a bit of space and then when he does want to talk tell him he needs to either be there for you or leave! Its not fair for you to be hanging on like this.
It sounds like everything for you both has moved very fast, maybe he is feeling totally overwhelmed with everything.
Give it time and don't push things. If you guys are ment to be with each other it will sort itself out.
I hope everything works itself out
xxxxxxxx
I know you can't imagine how you will cope if you were on your own with your baby but in times where things like this happen you just would. You'll hold your little baby in your arms and see that taking care of them is so much more important than anything else.
I know its hard but if I was you I would begin to make plans for yourself and your baby, you'll be amazed how much stronger you feel when you get some control over the situation you are in. Put your baby and yourself first, its really important you take care of yourself. Find yourself a lovely flat and throw yourself into getting that perfect for the two of you, eat well and try to do things that relax you and are good for you...pregnancy yoga or aqua aerobics, seeing friends or family. Fill your life so that he sees what he's missing and so that you know that if you were to lose him you have so much more to live for and enjoy. Having a baby can rock even the strongest relationship so it can easily destroy one built on weaker foundations. You deserve so much better than the way he is treating you right now. Don't be in an unhappy relationship, ultimately it will be destructive to both baby and you.
Hopefully he'll get his act together but he's got to realise that we'd all like some space at times but unfortunately you don't have that luxury whilst pregnant. It was as much his choice to get into this situation as it was yours and he has to man up to it and face respnsibilities just as you have had to. He his being ridiculously selfish and unfair on you if you ask me, you and your baby deserve so much more.