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Dad needs help, son wont come to his!!!

Hi all, not sure if this is in the right cat but here goes

Ok a little bit about me and my son, i'm 29 and my son is 3 and a half years old, I split from his mum when he was 18months old and since the day we split i've had my son every Tuesday 4-7 Thursday 4-7 Friday 4- Saturday 4 then every other weekend i'll have my son Friday 4- Sunday 4

The problem I'm having is for the last week he's not wanted to come to mine for tea, he starts to get upset and theres no way i'm forcing him to come with me If he feels that strongly about not coming, I picked him from nursery today for the first time (drempt of this day for a long time) and he tells me he wants to see his mum and doest want to come to mine again! I know he's only 3 and a half but it still hurts when your son tells you he dont want to see you!

If any of you mums/dads have been through this or got any advice that could help then please please do share

Thanks for your time Ladies/Gentlmen



  • It must be very hurtful for you, but he is very young still and prob just rely's on his Mum for comfort. I'm sure as he gets older it will be a different story and he'll always look forward to coming to yours.

    I've never lived with my sons Dad but we have both treated the situation with positive sensible attitudes.

    I hope your ex is being positive about you to your son? I hope she's 'encouraging' him to come to yours? 

    He needs a consistancy with you as well as his Mum.

    good luck Pete!


  • Well she doesnt come across that enthusiastic when i pick him up tbh!

    Shes spoke to him tonight for me an he says he just doesnt go to daddys any more!

    Not sure how i'm ment to take that really!?!?

    Anyway thanks for your reply, i need more than luck ATM!!!


  • not much advice to give you but i can understand how hurt you are, you know what kids are like though - it may well be just that mummy lets him have something he likes to eat or to watch on the tv! I know your situation can't be helped but it must be confusing and tiring for him moving around so much. I would say its probably normal behaviour from time to time, and it will be his mum's turn soon enough!

    Its lovely that you see him so much and that you are so sensitive towards his needs. And even if things aren't great between you and his mum, its good that you can voice your concerns to her and she can talk to him.

    Probably totally the wrong advice but i might be tempted to take him somewhere for a treat and then try and get him to open up. I guess some people would say ignore it but thats hard on you when it means you wont see him. Im sure he'll come round x

  • he needs reassurance from both of you and if you both get on (in front of your son anyway) he'll prob feel more secure about coming to yours.

    has he got his own bedroom at yours?  has he got his own toys and comforts? Make sure time with him is 'fun' and exciting! I used to feel my son's Dad always got the good fun bits and I got the tough, hard bits at times!!

    I think as he gets older he'll be more willing.

    good luck

  • Thanks ladies, yeah he has everything here and it is always fun, that's the thing as soon as he gets here he'll be fine I know he will but it's just getting him here!

    I know you ladies might not agree but I think I'm Gunna have to pull out all the stops and take him to the place he loves the most!!!! Twin lakes for fathers day!

    Thanks got to work!!!!!

    Thanks again your replys are very reassuring can't thank you enough

  • My niece went through a similar phase when my sister & brother-in-law parted company.  She was 2 at the time & initially went through a phase of thinking her mum & dad were trying to decide on which was the better house before realising that she actually now had two homes.

    When she told us she didn't want to go to her dad's we used to ask her 'why' she didn't want to go, was it a particular toy she wanted to take with her/a particular dinner she wanted to eat/place she wanted to go...most of the time we reached a solution & she went off happy.  Now my niece is nearing her teens & swaps her mind about which parent she wants to be with/stay with constantly (especially with homework & whom she thinks she can 'butter up best' at the time).

    I guess what I'm saying is that whilst it may hurt hearing it your LO is still young at present & only knows he doesn't want to do something for a reason (he doesn't yet know/understand how he affects others with his choice).  As he gets older he will understand better & it will become easier (& again you may have the occasional reversal of him not wanting to leave you).  Best wishes.

  • have a great day pete, happy father's day x

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