Relationships

karla1984 · Jan 13, 2007 6:45PM

Hello

Is anyone else finding that their relationship with the OH is changing. My relationship just seems to be horrible at the moment and I thought having a baby was meant to bring you closer together.
I have gone off sex completely which doesnt help but i just feel my partner isnt being very supportive. I had to be taken into hospital late xmas eve and he wasnt worried about me he was just morning about it being so late and he was tired. I was so scared at the hospital yet the whole time we were there i felt like a was a burden as he get morning about how long things were taking. I do love my husband but the more are relationship seems to get worse the more i am thinking that maybe i dont love him. I am at home as been signed off work with stress and so i try and do everything around the house so he doesnt have to but when you comes in he just seems to comment on how i am not doing the dishes right or making the bed right. I just cant seem to do anything right and then he wonders why i dont want to go out with him or spend time with him. I dont know what to do.
Is anyone else having problems with their relationship or is it just me?

chelletoone · Jan 7, 2007 7:31AM

i was having problems with my relationship!! my partner wasnt interested in my pregnancy at all wouldnt talk about it and didnt care about making time for me as he wanted to be at the pub with his mates. i felt so alone and was s upset and thught about ending it but i give it a go and sat him down and said that i was going to tae it no more and that i try my best to make him happy!! i know how hard it is but i dont know really what to suggest apart from talking to him about it. just concentrate on yourself and the baby. and keep in touch. michelle x

Lisamarie-36891 · Jan 7, 2007 7:32AM

Hi Karla,

im having a similar sort of thing too, my OH last night decided that i was useless at doing the washing, ironing, dusting in actual fact was just useless at pretty much everything around the house thats when i actually bother to da anything. i went shopping yesterday in the sales and bought him home a few presents a book and a little cute bib that said 2i love my daddy" he picked up the bib completely dismissed the point said "oh its a bib" and then concentrated on the book, then couldnt understand why i was upset. why are men so inconsiderate sometimes? i ended up spending most of the night in tears and sleeping right in the edge of the bed because i couldnt stand him near me.

so ive stopped rambling now, i just wanted to you to know that your not on your own.
take care
lisa x

suzanneHolden · Jan 7, 2007 7:34AM

As well as it being a stressful time for you i bet your OH is scared and stressed as well. For nine months i went off sex bed was for sleeping and that was that i talked to my husband and told him to try and understand my point of view which he did and he asked me to try and make an effort as he felt like he had done his bit and i didn't need him anymore as i was pregnant, i didn't know this was how he felt but it was like a light bulb going on. Because i was pregnant it was all about me and although he wouldn't say it he felt left out. but it can get better and my advice is to talk now and get it resolved and if you cant talk write it down it may make you feel better just to do that even if you dont give it him. He may be having the same feelings as you and this comes across as he doesn't care because as we know men don't very often express their feeling very well
good luck

karla1984 · Jan 7, 2007 7:56AM

Thank you for ur advice it nice to hear i am not the only one. I am just worried about the effect of me being so upset will have on the baby. On the sex side of things i have tried everything like porn, ( which i am not a huge fan of anyway) erotic books, reading sex advice on the internet, talking to the midwife with him there. I have made an effect I just sometimes feel like i dont want him to even touch me. He makes me feel so useless its like he is bully me. I cant spend any money without him questioning me dispite me still bring in a income I get an allowance each month for me to spend i just dont feel in control of anything i am not my own person anymore. I am so sorry to moan but i have no one to talk to. Far enough be horrible to me but surely he has thought about the effect it may have on the baby. He is such a clean freak that nothing i do will ever match up to his standards he says i do everything like a 5 yr old and i should start being an adult, whatever that means. He makes me feel like crap and then has a go at me for not wanting to go out and have fun with him, but i just am starting to hate him so how can i be around him. When i had to go into hospital i came out early xmas morning and they told me i had to have bed rest so i said to him dont miss out on xmas go to your parents and have a nice meal, half expecting him to say "no i wont leave you on ur own" but he went and didnt come home till 9pm and then went out boxing day too so i spent xmas day and boxing day on my own. If it was the other way round i would have stay with him. Anyway i will stop moaning now. i am starting to feel a bit better.

Lisa if you ever wanna chat and have a good moan email me karla_burrell@yahoo.co.uk

Thank you everyone
xxxx

k8-40258 · Jan 7, 2007 8:27AM

Hi karla i have just read your post and i can't stop thinkin about u! I hope all is ok.. As the other people have sad try and talk 2 ur husband and make it clear how u feel.. U should not have spent christmas day and boxing day alone.. nobody should! I think that's really insensitive. Maybe everything seems worse now coz ur horemones will be up the wall? Id give it a little time and if it continues maybe marriage counselling?? Hope everything works out 4u and babs xx

karla1984 · Jan 7, 2007 8:48AM

Thank you. I have just written him a long letter as we cant seem to talk and have printed some things of the internet bits of advice extra. He gone out not sure where or what time he will be back but hopefully he will take the time to read it and not just throw it away. It did help writing everything down. But now the most important thing is my little girl and i need to try not to get stressed and upset for her. She is the most important thing in the world and i need to stay calm for her.
Thank you
Love karla x

angandjim · Jan 7, 2007 11:32AM

Hi Karla, ages ago I read in a book that sometimes, when their wife gets pregnant, men's perception of them changes, whereas before they only cared if we were nicely turned out, funny, easy-going etc, suddenly they subconsciously start to view us as Mothers, therefore, even though must of us work full-time, they think we should be keeping a show home, baking our own bread, making jam etc (maybe not that far-fetched, but you get the idea!). Not sure if it's true, might be utter bollocks, but thought it was pretty close to what you're describing. Good luck xxx

karla1984 · Jan 7, 2007 12:33PM

Thanks angandjim sounds about right. he has come home and i had left him the letter i wrote he has read it and then we had a talk but just seems to be going round in circles he doesnt seem to think anything is wrong and its certainly not his fault. Bloody men. Thank you for all of your advice it has really helped maybe not the suitation but it has made me feel a lot better so thank you.
I just need to think of my little girl and we will just keep out of each others way and decide what we r going to do with the relationship once she is born. One thing is for sure i am not going to bring up my little girl in a unhappy marriage.

Thank you once again xx

blue_tiger · Jan 7, 2007 1:13PM

Hi Karla I Have been reading and I am in the exact same boat as you my husband is in a band and till recently i was working all hours in a bar (he only works friday and saturdays) he used to complain that i didnt do enough around the house (i was exausted all the time as any working and pregnant woman can tell you) he complained that he didnt seem "connected" to me now he makes sly comments about the fact that I keep on tidying up, hoovering, washing the dishes, cleaning the bathroom (something he has never done) it feels like Im nothing more than an inconvenience to him. I am not allowed to go into labour when he is gigging because he switches his mobile off and has told me that he wouldnt come to the hospital until he has finished his gig anyway I have tried talking to him, shouting crying and getting him to see things from my point of view nothing seems to work but when I told him I felt I couldnt rely on him to be there for me he got very upset and when I started to point out things that he didnt do to my standards he stopped making snide comments about my tidying when youve got a man like yours and mine sometimes you need to give them a taste of their own medicine oh yeah and we have agreed to go on at least 1 date every week or so even if its just a pub meal coz for some reason when you talk about your relationship outwith your home they seem to listen more
hope this helps you a bit hunni $:\$ )

Lisamarie-36891 · Jan 7, 2007 5:22PM

Hi Blue Tiger,

thanks for that post i might use your tatics on my hubby too.
p.s i really like the date idea, especially if its like real dating when the lady doesn't pay!! lol
xx

sarah84 · Jan 7, 2007 6:02PM

hi guys,after reading all your posts i really feel for you.My OH moans bout being deprived and neglected esp in bedroom and even suggested as this was both of ours 3rd baby he knew how it went couldn't he just drop me off at hospital and i give him a call when i was done but he only means it all jokingly.I was really moody earlier on in my pregnancy so he did put up with some shit from me bless him.But as for spending christmas on your own,my god i'd have killed him.Bless ya,how do you put up with it.My brother moans at my sister in law bout the tidiness of their house and that drives me mad as he's the lazy bleep that causes the mess and i let him know i don't agree with him.Good luck to all you ladies.Stand your ground and do as i do threaten to strike and not do anything then they'd really know what it was like to have a messy house with no clean washing.luck to all.sarah.xXx

blue_tiger · Jan 12, 2007 2:42PM

glad to help lisamarie just make sure thatif he is paying its somewhere expensive

jenraggy · Jan 13, 2007 2:32AM

if God had a sense of humour, he would have made men bear children - no on the other hand the human race would have cesed to exist by now. Just look at how they suffer with "man Flu". I think pregnacy really highlights the character differences between the sexes. Can you get instruction manuals that men can understand for difficult household equipment such as hoover, microwave, washing machine, kettle etc?

Keep smiling girls x x Jen x x

angandjim · Jan 13, 2007 6:45PM

How's it going Karla? xx

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