Partner doesn't like me Breastfeeding
Hi everyone, I'm looking for some advice as I'm at a total loss. Sorry for the long post. ive exclusively breast fed my little girl and she still feeds to sleep at 18 months. My partner worked away from when she was just a few weeks old and would leave early and come home late so I took on all the baby duties. After feeling pushed out and neglected I found out he was cheating on me messaging (what he says) someone he was working for for 7+ months. I tried to hold it all together and desperatley wanted to be a family. he said it was a huge mistake and he was so sorry. a few months later and he's messaging another 'friend' still moaning I neglect him and has a real issue with the breastfeeding. includng recently speaking to a doctor about it who suggested I may have depression/attachment issues and told him to get in touch with the health visitor. hes constantly moaning im obsessed with the baby, i feel I'm just doing my best to be a good mum?! TIA
Replies
It sounds like he is the one with issues. he obviously Feelse threatened and insecure and is trying to make you feel bad for it. breastfeeding is natural and many breast feed until your child's age. I didn't personally manage to breast feed but I think he has a cheek to complain considering his behaviour. has he discussed it with you or just to professionals and his "friends"? I'd be intrigued what health visitor said. it sounds very much like he wants out but doest want to be the one to say it. he seems manipulative and child like and wants you to be the one responsible sorry if this seems harsh just what springs to mind as soon as I read it. you haven't said how he is otherwise with your child but I assume he feels neglected as baby gets attention and not Him? but does he spend quality time with baby to feel included? good luck x
Thanks for your reply. its not harsh at all as what you've said seems to mirrror what I think/feel. I've asked him a few times if this is what he wants etc but I'm beginning to think he's waiting for me to pull the plug. He tries with our daughter I have to be honest and seems to be getting a lot closer to her and confident as she gets older. I feel his behaviour is so irrational and he has a bloody cheek, after I found out he was sexting one of his customers she stalked me and gave me death threats for 6 weeks to the point of the police being involved. He still some how had the cheek to say he works hard and the house wasn't clean enough or his tea wasn't on the table throughout this. we went to conselling and when she told him a few things he didn't like the sound of he refused to ever go back. I really wanted us to be a family and im terrified at the thought of having to share my not even two year old I feel like a failure not having a family unit for her. i can imagine he will be very awkward. Thanks again for your reply it's good to have someone else's point of view.
Hi her mummy,
If you have separation/depression issues then I must have also. My now 5yr old was breastfeeding from me up until 18mths old, never did us any harm & my husband & I still spent time together.
I would say that your partner is the one with 'issues' here, seemingly jealous of your baby & feeling unwanted. He is then making things worse by leaving the home for hours upon end talking to other people instead of talking to you about his feelings & how you can both resolve the issue (he won't be the first nor last man who feels like he is competing with baby for mums attention ).
Good luck with this one, sounds like he is transferring his problem onto you rather than admitting it