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HELP! Advice Needed. Difficult Mother In Law

Help! Difficult MIL, what would you do?

I have always had somewhat of an awkward relationship with my MIL though it seemed to be getting better with the arrival of DD now 10 months old, but she has recently behaved in a way that I think is unforgivable and DH feels torn and caught in the middle. 
For a little bit of background info we have recently moved house to allow us to have full care of partners 2 older children from a previous relationship who's mother sadly passed away earlier in the year. To accommodate the children we have moved into the house they shared with their mum (DH's ex partner)
MIL had offered some financial help to decorate but upon deciding she was not happy with the layout of the house (I do not wish to sleep in the bedroom partners ex slept and passed away in so we have turned that into babies bedroom and living room into 4th bedroom, dining room into living room) she decided to postpone a carpet she had paid for until we 'delegate the room more suitably'. 
This means baby would be crawling around on floorboards until we can save up ourselves as we have suddenly become a family of 5 on one income. 
Since then she got in touch to say that she feels the fact my stepson has a small bedroom and now a small living room so not much floor space to play and no desk/ dining table for homework to be a social services issue and took it upon herself to turn up to my names HVs office to share her concerns. 
I have been struggling with post natal depression and I feel her threats have pushed me back in my recovery as she is constantly telling me I'm making the wrong decisions for my daughter. 
She has since text DH an apology and asked when we would like the carpet, frankly I don't want it at all because her 'help' always comes with strings attached, I would also like to stop her being able to contact HV but I'm not sure if I'm being a bit childish? 
What would you do?


  • I think that's quite shocking behaviour from your MIL. I would be the same and wouldn't accept anything from her, as it only gives her control. If her generosity comes with strings attached like you said and she's using it to hold power over you all then I'd simply thank her for the offer, but say you'll manage even if that means it'll take longer to get settled. I would be very unhappy with a MIL like that and I don't think you're being childish at all x 

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  • Sounds like my MIL. I can do no right in her eyes. I can't believe she went to the HV about it. I wouldn't have accepted it from her. I think you are being completely reasonable. Many people wouldn't have moved even wanted to move into the house. If you need to change things to make you feel comfortable then that is your decision. Many homes only have small rooms and no dining room or room for a desk/table so is most definitely not a case for social services. As long as the kids are clean, healthy and Well cared for that's what matters not a table. 

  • Thank you ☺️ I'm glad I wasn't overreacting as it's so hard to tell in the heat of the moment! Things may have been different had I not had 4 years of her comments and not a single bit of respect for everything ive taken on!

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