advice needed!!!
I've been with my partner for 5 years, we have a 2 year old daughter. I've moved into a different room tonight.
I've been a fulltime stay at home mum untill last week when I started uni. I've never had any "appreciation" for what I've done (my partner is a you stay at home all day and do nothing just look after a kid, I'm the one who earns money) kind of man. I'm greatfull for him supporting us for the past year and a half but it's not like I've been doing nothing. he's always rejected me if I've tried to cuddle him so I've sort of got used to that. I'm basically at the point where I just need to leave. I've tried so hard with our relationship and he's just not been bothered. lately he's been "trying" which is just fake over the top lovely dovey which is making me more angry. he's not been 100% faithful in ou relationship and he's a compulsively liar literally down to things like have you change babies nappy. yes. I'll check and it's not been changed. it sounds pretty but when he tells little lies like that it makes me question things that he's done involving a woman from his work which is a whole other story. he's lied about money were meant to be saving to buy a house and he's sneakily got himself into £3000 worth of loan debts. I only found out because I out 2+2 together from one of his bad lies.
I just don't know what to do. i need help and advice. I'm not happy and I feel like I need to leave. I just don't have anywhere to go. I have my parents that I could stay at till I get on my feet but I have my doubts about going there. I don't know what I will do about money as I don't have a penny
how do i sort benefits out? do i stay at our home and try to claim the benefits still living with him but as a single parent so i can go straight to my own home or do i go to my parents and claim there? I feel there's no way out for me. he's always going to be the way he is which fine he shouldt have to change but that's not the life I want for me and my child.
Replies
mostly I feel guilty for wanting to leave. I don't know if it's the right thing to do. I feel like I'm being selfish.
Hi Jinc,
I think the best thing you need to do is to leave. If he isn't treating you like a lady then he doesn't deserve you. I understand you still love him and have the hopes that he might change but men... they never do they will always go back to their old ways no matter what. By the sounds of it, you seem like an amazing wife/mother and believe me there's not a lot out there. So believe in yourself and love yourself! DO NOT let any man take advantage because he provides for you. If he doesn't want to cuddle you or sleep with you, I'm so sorry to have to say this but majority of the time is because they found someone else... men want sex ALL THE DAMN TIME! so if doesn't want it for a few days then yeah i don't think hes being faithful! and since you said hes such a liar leave his ass! i cannot stand liars and you really don't need that sort of role model for your daughter! There are many ways you can get benefits till you can start work when your child is a bit older and if you feel comfortable. They can provide you with housing/bills/money so don't stress about it. Put your daughter and yourself first! I wish you the best of luck!
Well! That's the nice post. It is very thoughtful and concern. Everyone in this world faces difficulties and problems in his or her relationship. No one can have a perfect relationship. To leave and to quit are not the only ways to face it. Several other things can also be done to resolve the problem. Couple before committing divorce should once think about their little ones. A child always wants both parents not the single parent. It leads to the very bad impact on a child's life also. The couple also undergoes depression because of their bad and ending relationship. Various suggestions should be given to these people to resolve their problem. These couples can also refer a psychic like <a href="http://www.martine-voyance.com/tarifs/">Martine-Voyance</a> for some advice. As, the psychic has an ability to predict the future, she can surely have some tips on this issue. And accordingly couple can think make decision and move on.
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Well, what can anyone say? The easiest way to advice you is to say leave him. But where does it lead you? Fights, more problems, more explanations to make to the family etc. You need to talk to him straight, but straight as you can imagine. This is it. You can´t handle it no more. Tell him that you won´t leave, but you need him to improve. To help you around the child, to stop lying, otherwise his behavior will force you to leave. Just show him the facts, these are not threats. It should wake him up and maybe he starts to change. If he continues like it is, then you can leave him. You won´t be out of money because he will have to pay child support. Just face him with the reality of things.
I am so sorry for what you are going through. I can say it is a dilemma. You are torn between of what to chose. Well, relationships sometimes can be difficult. All you have to do is be strong. Remember now you have a child in picture. So whatever decision that you make will also affect the child. You are also starting going to university. I can say there are alt of things in your dish. So you have to be very carefully in whatever decision you make. Your partner also has a lot of faults in his side. Why should he lie you in petty staff. I understand that they do mean a lot to you. Which they really should. Its from the small lies that will tell you of his big undergoing's. I think you should sit him down and have a conversation. If he does not change from there then you can plan other things. You should also be comfortable with the decision you make,. Will be okay moving out with your child? What will you be doing since you do not have a penny currently? These are amongst other things that you should put into consideration.