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Is my husband toxic for me and my unborn child?

Hi ladies,

I honestly am writing this out after have dealt with the same issue with the same man in a repeated cycle for 1 and half year. We have been married for 2 years only and my pregnancy was accidental one. when I was about to leave my husband.
He used to get physically and verbally very aggressive leading to physical fights between us two ofcourse I could only push him off or slap him for things he would say. I used to live with him and his parents when I decided to run as his family only supported him and I had no one not even my husband to support me.. We did have good days too however very rarely as everytime he was getting his mothers support in doing and dictating rules what ever deemed fit to her. So as you can see we could never really bond or develop an understanding.

He also lost his job 3 months in to marriage and I supported him financially but got labeled as gold digger and false accusations of sleeping with another man when I left his parents house with my gold jewelry and clothes. His family and him want me to give my gold back to them or atleast keep it at his place (cultural shit I guess).

this happened last year in June and then I found out that I was pregnant in middle of all this drama. However this news didn't change his parents behavior instead they grew their demands of apologies they wanted from me and my mother and my husband as always instead of handling his parents put the same pressure on me.

I moved to Abu Dhabi because he promised to make it better but this still continued, so much that he started to sometimes not even come home leaving me alone in abudhabi when I was in my first trimester by then he found a job but somehow still couldn't contribute for rent.. he worked half way in Dubai and started to stay back in Dubai jus when ever he liked. sometimes even without letting me know. Then the day came when he just left me for a good month saying I need to tc of my 'sick father' when I was in my 5th month. Ofcourse later on I found out his father was not "Sick"he had back problems. I might be selfish but I found it really unfair that he left me me on such short notice.

As you can tell, he would never really discuss his sudden plans so we never had future goals..I decided that instant to leave him for good but then as the cycle repeats he came back again apologized and begged me to give us another chance. even tho by now again he didn't have a job he requested me to move back to Abu Dhabi and that this time he would stay and be there.

So I did, coz driving 2 hours daily was reflect on my health too.. but things did get better until 1 month ended and then he started breaking his promises one by one like for starters we'd go to our parents house together.. so because his parents who are still upset with me since last year JUNE didn't want me in the house until my mom apologized to them, he started obeying them. I was boycotted behind my back and he would participate alone with his family events and gatherings forcing me to stay at my moms on weekends. If I rebelled it would again ended up badly leading me in tears and being an emotional wreck. This is despite me talking and visiting his parents and apologizing to them for leaving their house.

So now he ruined his relationship with my family because he again agrees and believes that my mom should go apologise to his family for getting upset at them for fighting in our house for my gold. I repeat MY GOLD oh and she threatened them that she would call the cops if they forced (so this is why they want an apology)
I am now in my 37 weeks and still no one cares about the baby as my husband is busy blaming me for the problems with his family and my behavior as I get angry while he doesn't understand how stressful his family is making it by pressurizing me.. He keeps counting all the good things he does like being loyal despite my bad behavior, staying with me, helping with the chores.. I keep requesting him to let me stay stress free but honestly every day I fear what worse can he do as I imagined a romantic relationship with him and loved him so dearly and now we both ave started resent each other.. as every weekend we would fight over the same bull shit oon his parents topic and he would repeat the same things his mom would say ..I did however cross my limits in our last fight where I slapped him for putting me through this agony and also for actually expecting and blaming my mom (whose already going through a lot for my family in absence of my father) for delaying and not bowing down to his family.. I know it was wrong of me but I so wrecked by now.. I cant see another way of making this marriage work, if some one has ideas I would be happy. He also does nothing for the baby no talks he even used my only baby shower thrown by my mom against me.. I am depressed tired and lonely..

Replies

  • Starqueen, 

    First of all hi, i hope you and baby are doing well ? 

    Your story reads very much like mine but a long time ago for me now, it sounds like your husband is a control freak and im sorry to say nothing will change thst 'nothing ' the only thing that can chnage is you and your acceptance of his behaviour, at the moment your baby is protected by you but when he/she is born they will pick up on these behaviours and believe they are ok or normal. 

    It took me 7/8 years to leave my husband with 4 children one was 3 months old, i had ro move away from my family network so that i was safe from his abuse mental and physical.

    It wasnt easy but over time i coyld see the change in me and my children. 

    You sound like a very patient person but try not to react to his behaviour, nothing upsets someone worse who is expectimg a reaction to not get one...it was my saving grace in the end.. 

    Be strong and belive in yourself, you are stronger than you know. 

    Healing thoughts and strength coming your way. 

    X

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