Frustrated mamma
Hoping to hear other people thoughts on my frustrations with my partner, father to my 2 gorgeous children. I have a very strong willed, highly spirited daughter who is 4 next January. She can be extremely disobedient and is always pushing boundaries but she is alao an absolute delight. My partner who i fell in love with and decided he was the man I wanted to father my children was such a patient soul. His patient and kind nature were the reasons I fell love with him . Since we had our second daughter ( 1.5 years old) he doesn’t seem to cope with the two children. He is constantly getting angry at them, swearing and what upsets me the most is he has no problem giving my eldest smacks. He grew up with a mother who used he wooden spoon on him a lot to discipline and seems to find no issue with smacking. I on the otherhand do! Occasionally, very occasionally I have smacked her ( and felt so terrible after). I yell instead (as I grew up with a father who yelled) but I am really trying to change this behaviour and been spending time learning other coping skills to deal with my daughter when she pushes me to the extreme.
I have tried to talk to my partner about the smacking however he doesn’t seem to want to change. I really find my respect and love for my partner is decreasing as a result. The majority of the time he is very loving to them and spends lots of time with them on weekends and he is a great Dad apart from the smacking ( I would say it would probably be a couple of times a week and then yelling every second day).. i don’t know what to do. I don’t want to leave him but I just want to try and get him to improve and change his behaviour. Any thoughts or advice on how I can help him as if continues maybe my feelings might change to wanting walking out on him with girls in tow..
Replies
I’m no expert but didn’t want to read and leave.... I’d say the smacking is clearly not working either if she’s behaving like that but She’s only 4
Have you tired positive reinforcement so instead of smacking when she’s bad... reward for good things... introduce a reward chart to earn maybe pocket money or treats so she learns that she will only get things if she’s good ..
im no relationship expert but if someone was smackig my child and I didn’t want them to I would just be frank and honest with him. Maybe google some alternatives and go to him with these sugguestions and try to be positive too
Thanks Linda for the reply..:-)
I like your idea of the positive reinforcement chart! I am going to start implementing that today.. I am often letting her know when she does good things but my partner doesn’t so this should help with him praising her too.. she seems to act up the most when he is home.
Whoops pressed reply before I had finished. I have tried to communicate with him about the smacking and the swearing at and in front of the girls however when he snaps he can’t seem to control either of these. I also send him articles on the negative impact of both smacking, yelling etc however I do t think he reads them and doesn’t seem to want to improve his behavipur as a father. I might try and write him a letter expaining it all to him and maybe with the chart her behaviour will improve. Often it is her just doing silly things that children do and we are going to be their partners for years to come and they will constantly push our buttons so he definitely needs to find a way to cope with it better else he is going to be angry for many years to come
🙄