Son has moved to his dads. Help!
mlg9
Regular
I am completely lost and don’t know what to do. My 12 year old son announced he wanted to go and live with his dad and has gone for two weeks holidays but with the full intention of not coming back. Heart is breaking! I can’t even function.
He got punished for pushing and got a phone ban, he wasn’t happy so he asked to go. After he calmed down he said he didn’t. But a few days later when I sat him down and talked calmly he admitted he still did and is already away.
We don’t have a volatile relationship, yes there is shouting at times and I called him a spoilt brat. He has two little bro’s who stop him doing certain things since they have to do stuff too. We have rules about times he’s allowed out until, screen time, homework, chores etc. With his dad and SM however he is an only child and will be run about after and go wherever he wants (possibly not the reason tho). He only said he felt sad and wanted to see if he still felt sad at his dads.
He’s had a little trouble with friends at school, hates his appearance, thinks he’s the worst in his football team.
He does get in trouble a bit at home, usually for pushing boundaries or similar. Gets lots of warnings and then screen ban.
He had a meltdown back at Easter, and said he didn’t want to see his dad again but I have encouraged and encouraged him to go and keep in touch. So he’s only seen his dad for an hour a week since then and said he never wants to sleep over there again. And now has upped and moved there. His dad has an involvement in a sport that I cannot get him to regularly and his dad can and will take him whenever he wants.
Me and his SD are lost and heartbroken. His little bro’s are just wandering around the house looking for him. As is the dog.
And all my friends just say, oh don’t worry he’ll be back. But I know him and he won’t.
He eventually called me last night and he sounded happy but when he said goodbye I thought he sounded sad. But he could’ve just been distracted or watching TV.
He is coming for a visit tomorrow and staying over but when he leaves again it will be absolute torture and acting normal for two whole days around him will just be so hard.
Replies
As hard as it is your child needs to experience that time with his dad. give him some time and let him see how it is. Stick to your rules when he visits but also express how much you miss him. make it clear to him that he will always have room in your life but also he cant flit back and forth as it pleases him. If you can talk to his dad and see what his view point is. Does he live far away? would he take your son to be involved with that sport if he Is at yours. Can you sort out a weekly contact either with you or with him. Whats most important if its at all possible you and his dad need to be on the same page. I dont have contact with my ex so i know it can be difficult. Try not to take it to heart. If your son went to his dads and was happy and got on better would it be so bad?