Obsessed with their bits

KThom122 · Jun 6, 2008 4:44AM

I have a 6 yo boy and a 4 yo girl and recently they talk loads about bums and boobs and stuff and it is a bit worrying. I don't know where they hear this chat coz me and oh are strict and they only play in their own garden. We don't allow them to see any soaps or other programmes with any sexual content as I don't feel it is appropriate.

My mum saw my daughter today in the garden with her trousers and pants down and when she asked Lily what she was doing she replied matter of factly 'I was showing Brandon (my son) and Euan (my 5yo nephew) my woman (lady bits). I was horrified and told her if she ever did this again she would be smacked.

It may sound funny but I am becoming increasingly worried I overhear them talking about bums and stuff a lot and wondered am I over-reacting?? Has anyone else had this problem?? Any ideas on how to deal with this??

EnglebertW_nkface · May 25, 2008 5:08AM

No suggestions hun, but I think at that age it is pretty normal. As far as they are concerned comparing bums is no different from comparing hands and feet, they are all just bits of their bodies. If I were you I would probably just explain calmly that those bits are private and we don't show them to other people. I'm sure they'll grow out of it soon but I don't think it is anything to worry about.

MummyX5 · May 26, 2008 2:49AM

At this age, it's not sexual. It's a part of growing up and learning about themselves and the differences between each other. Obviously, stripping in front of others is not really what you want but they also need to know there isn't anything wrong about learning about themselves - the last thing you want is to make it completely taboo!

Both my girls discovered around the age of 4 that it was quite nice to 'explore' their bits. At this age, it's basically a comfort type feeling and most of the time they didn't even realise they were doing anything! It did take us about 6 months or so of constant reminding that it wasn't something they shud be doing in public! Now, they're 7 & 6 respectively and whilst I don't for one minute think they've stopped completely, the initial novelty of it all has definitely worn off and we don't get the public display anymore. I think the key is to explain and remind thats it's not appropriate in public etc but to basically ignore it as much as you can.

sibles24 · May 26, 2008 4:08PM

Hi - my 5 year old daughter thinks anything to do with bottoms, especially if she can see your knickers, is hilarious!! My 2 1/2 year old daughter has just finished potty training so is fascinated with her bits at the moment and has just found her 'boobles' as she calls them and as I'm still bf my youngest tells everyone about my 'boobles' at every opportunity!!

I think its just normal exploration for them and I agree with mummyx5 that you don't want them to think they are doing something wrong but just try and discourage it.

Sam xx

pen-37297 · May 26, 2008 4:27PM

hi, i have 3 boys , a girl and another boy.
my 3 older boys like to play with them selves and rosie has just started as she is now in knickers, i asked my hv for some advice about this when my eldest started to do it and she told me not to tell them it was naughty or wrong but to encourage them to not do it in areas where there are people around as it is private and suggest thier bedrooms or the bathrooms as a private place. as they are only trying to find out what happens when they do somethig and it is so natural for a child to do this. it does work. but i often still find my boys still doing it but i just remind them about private times . you might feel like you area brokrn record keeping telling them but it will get through eventually.xxxx

KThom122 · May 26, 2008 4:54PM

Thanks girls- I totally agree I don't want them to feel 'abnormal' for exploring their bodies but I don't particularly want to encourage either of them either. I suppose its like everything else where kids are concerned its hard to find the right balance.

Thanks again xx

kasey2 · Jun 4, 2008 10:11AM

hi my child is driveing me crazy she is nealy 7 and so obsesed with her bit she has to be removed from the class room as she is makeing adult noise and so hot and sweetey she has done this since she was 2 1/2 iv tryed everthing and she no it wrong and she is embarased about it to but she just say my body tell me to do it iv been pulled up the school so many times it to hard to desribe iv the only way know i can get her to stop it at home is to remove her trouse and underwear and just give her a blanket to put rond her she finds any thing and millions of way to do it in front of you so it dose not notic im pulling my hair out all becouse my health vistor told me to don t worrie lever her she will grow out of it and now it worse its ever been 5 years on and still doing it i wish i did some thing when she was 2 1/2 any one can help me i do know she is doing it for comfort she started doing after her sister died age 7 months old her sister was now she is nearly 7 she can get help for greaving but it stuped that they don t help children younger than 7 for dealing with the death of a brother or sister
and i would not aviced to tell your child to go into there bed room my child will be there all day doing it i said that and it made the problem worse and now i have to put a cam in to her bed room so when shes in there she is not doing it as she will do it for 4 hours + she will do it antill i catch her doing it i just wish it would end

[Modified by: kasey on June 04, 2008 03:16 PM]

ClaudiaTsoontohave3 · Jun 5, 2008 6:25AM

oh kasey, i don't know what to advise, i'm saddened to hear that you hve been having such a tough time and that your hv and school are not doing more to help you. i can't help much but clearly this behaviour is not just a stage if it has been goinng on so long and is affecting her day-to-day life in such a way. if it was me, i think i would go to see GP and ask advise and maybe a referral to a child psychologist to help you get to the bottom of this behaviour and help equip you with some strategies to deal with it. it certainly sounds like she has developed an unhealthy interest in her own anatomy, and if she is unable to control her urges to masturbate in public settings then it goes beyond the realms of "normal" exploratory behaviour.
i'm really sorry that i can't be more help, i would just advise keep turning up at GP until he/she provides referral for some kind of support, even if its just to help you to cope with it and teach you how to distract her or change behaviuoral patterns.
hope this helps, good luck with it
Claudia xxxxx

kasey2 · Jun 5, 2008 6:56AM

hi thank for your avice iv been to the doctor they could not do nothing the school is trying to get her reffered to a child psychologist i just hope it work but you usely have to wait antill a child is 7 which is the worse thing becouse she could of had this sorted out a long time a go and not have the embrassment of going through this in school

ClaudiaTsoontohave3 · Jun 6, 2008 4:44AM

hi kasey, god it makes me so angry that trying to do the right thing for your children is so hard! keep going on at the school or doctor or anyone else that will listen until you get the result that you and your daughter need. u r right, it should have been dealt with long ago, why on earth do they put an age limit on helping, its bloody ridiculous!
keep making a fuss and i'm sure you will get there in the end. r the school helpful or not? will u let me know how you get on?
wishing you all the best, thinking of you
Claudia xxxx

Obsessed with their bits

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