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How often ...?

does your Ex have your Lo?

I've been a single mum for 2 months now & I work 3-4 days a week (full days, 8-4 or 9-5 usually). My ex's mum has him in the mornings then when my ex gets up at about 1 pm (he works nights) he has him until I get home from work. So he sees him on average for 4 hours 3 or 4 times a week and he moans this is too much!! If I am home 15 mins late from work he goes mad.

Since we split he's had Lo twice but his mum has put Lo to bed and got him up in the morning!!! As my ex was going clubbing!

He gives me ??200 a month (I think thats fair? Isnt it?) as our own personal agreement (CSA not involved - yet) but he seems to show no interest in his son & it seems the less he has him the better..... I don't know whether this is normal or not, I'd love a night off at the weekend but I know my ex won't do it.

My mum or dad and stepmum would love to have him overnight, but my ex won't allow it because they both have dogs. I don't know what to do :\? I can't keep letting my Ex's mum have him as she does it all the time and has her own life to lead too.

I think my Ex thinks the money he gives me is too much BUT otherwise I wouldn't be able to provide such a nice big house for me and Lo!!!! Im scared he's going to cut us off at any point so I can't moan at him! I think he'd rather go through CSA as apparently they'll only make him pay ??90 per month, is that true?? It doesnt sound much! xx


  • Hiya, first let me say that it sounds like you are doing a great job so so dont let your ex make you think otherwise!! As for the CSA I think it would be wise for you to give them a ring for some info, they wont do anything unless you tell them to but if you explain to them what your ex has said then they will tell you if its true or not. I also get ??200 from my ex (who's only seen his son twice since he was born...great dad eh??), I too havent contacted the CSA because the way I see it Im getting regular money off him if nothing else but I would'nt think twice about going thru CSA if he ever stared to get funny about it. As for letting your son stop at your mums house, that is YOUR choice..NOT his. If you feel ok with the dogs and confident that he will be safe then go for it...a rested mum is a happy mum (cheesy but true!!), just maybe have a talk with your mam and stepdad and ask where the dogs will go and if your son will not be in a room alone with them. Just remember that your are your sons sole provider and your word is final...reminde the absent dad that if he wants a say in his sons life then he needs to be a dad and not pick and choose when it suits him. Hope it doesnt sound like I hate all men or all absent dads for that matter, some are really good dads, its just I get so mad that they can walk away and play at dads from the sideline. Hope it works out for you. image
  • hi,
    just with regards to the csa. the csa will take 15% of his earnings for 1 child so if you know his income every month there is a calculator on their website which will work it out for you. but ??90 seems very low my ex doest earn much really but i get ??157 a month from him, he was paying me ??200 without using the csa until he found out he could get away with paying less lol.

    also my ex sees summer less and less as the time does on we split new yr this yr and at first he was seeing her nearly everyday now he sees her once a week, tommorrow he is only seeing her for 4 hrs then the week after he has her overnight then the next week 4 hrs etc ive offered him to have her every friday over night but he says no he doesnt want her (his words), probably too busy going clubbing eh?
    I realise that eventually he will see her less and less and maybe one day not at all but when she is older he will regret it and he will miss out not me. I do think its a shame for summer tho but i cant force him.
    I think the same goes for your ex he will be the one who misses out and he will regret it. could you put ur LO in a nursery instead of asking his mum? you would get most of the childcare paid for with tax credits?? that way if ur ex does see lo it will be when ur not working so u will get a break?
    also now i dont pay any attention to my ex as to what i do with summer so if your happy for your mum or dad to look after lo then do it! he really doesnt have a say anymore all choices are down to you.
  • my LO is 2 nw n me n his dad hav been split up 4 most of that time. however during this time we hav kept visits regular wiv him seein LO for 11 hours every week, b this can change if i need 2 go out or LO has a birthday party 2 attend. Also during this time i havent received a penny frm him as he is stil at university so CSA says he doesn't need 2 pay. As he is takin an interest in LO's life i let him voice his opinion on all things related 2 LO e.g. school n nursery.
    In your circumstances i c that if he is nt interested in ur LO then he shouldn't hav a say in wat goes on in ur life n who looks afta LO. If it is alrite 4 him 2 go out partyin then u shld b able 2 as wel. It seems like his mum is puttin a lot of hours in n nt even tryin 2 get him involved so maybe his mum is tryin 2 make the situation harder on u both. My ex's mum wanted 2 c LO every day frm the day we cum home frm hospital n if i didnt let her c LO she wld make trouble. Do wat u feel is best as ur the only 1 who can make the decisions about ur life
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