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Single mum again !!!! what should i do ?

Hi y'all just needed a bit of a moan really and for a bit of friendly banter.
I divorced my 6 year olds father 3 years ago. We have never received a penny off him and he has only seen him 3 times in 3 years....anyway...times were tough but went back to work full time and began building a career for myself. It was tough as i felt guilty only seeing my son for approx 3 hours a day but we managed and i got promoted etc etc,,,,,,I then met my new partner who already had a son to his ex. He eventually moved in and things were really great for about a year/........things then started to really annoy me. and nearly 2 years down the line he has not arranged his divorce he sees his son 3-4 times a week and i have never met his son or any of his family....i have recently found out also that his bank account is still in joint names with his wife shilst he has been giving me a measly ??200 per month to help with the cost of him living in my house.
I arranged to take out a further advance on the house to clear his loan and credit card bills and to add him onto the mortgage as i really need his help financially whilst i am on maternity leave.....i am now having cold feet and feel that all this is really not worth the hassle......After weighing up everything i am seeing danger signs everywhere and am seriously thinking about ending this relationship before i lose main concern is the ??400 SMP ....Does anyone out there know whether i would be entitled to anything else ????? My baby is due in 4 weeks time and i was hoping to return to work part time at the end of the 39 weeks? He has no intention of involving me and my son in his other life.... i keep asking ??? He has already said if we split up he would see one son 3 days his baby 3 days and have 1 day to him self.......He has no chance !!!! Any wise suggestions out there would be greatly appreciated x x x

[Modified by: jacksmum0114 on 07 April 2008 11:44:27 ]

[Modified by: jacksmum0114 on 07 April 2008 11:47:37 ]


  • Hi luv im not in your circumstances but didnt want to read and run if i were you i would get rid it sounds like there is something fishy going on there you have raised on little boy on your own and although it will be difficult you will do it again, i cant tell you about smp as i dont have a clue to be honest but good luck in whatever you decide Sophie 37weeks today xx

  • I agree with Sophie- it is understandable at the start of a new relationship not to involve the kids but he has been with you for long enough now to know whether or not its for keeps.
    If I'm honest I would say he probably doesn't want his ex to know hes with someone else.
    If you think you smell a rat trust your instincts and get out of this relationship.
    As far a benefits go you would be entitle to tax credits and wtc if you get them already the amount would increase if he goes. As for your mortgage the gov don't pay a penny for 40 wks which is ridiculous coz if you rented a house you would get help immediately. You may also be entitled to help with council tax and a sure start maternity grant (up to ??500).
    Contact citizens advice and they will give you proper advice and tell you how to apply. Don't forget he would also have to give you maintenance- you can calculate how much this should be on the csa website.
    Hope this helps
  • hi hunny. poor you.
    i'd get shot of him now if i were you. does sound dodgey and if he has said how he would work it if you did split up, shows he's not bothered if you do or not.
    i was with my ex for 3.5 years and never met his son, neither has our daughter who's 1 next week!!! he walked out on us a month ago. he sees rhianna once or twice a week and pays ??100 a month, didn't go through the csa, just stuck to what he's always paid his other baby mother, but i'm thinking i should go through the csa as i worked out i'd get about ??25 more a month and it would go up as and when his wages does.
    you'll probably be better off and alot happier without him.
    like kirsty said, go to citizens advice and they will point you in all the right directions. there's lots of help out there hunny.
    i'm in a housing association house so get housing and council tax benefit, income support and ctc.
    good luck whatever you decide to do.
  • Whether you get rid of him or not is entirely up to you but just protect yourself. Don't do anything about clearing ANY of his debts, don't consider putting him on the mortgage! Please!!!
    I was with my OH for 6 years, trying for LO for 2 years and he left when baby was 11 weeks old. My only saving grace in this sorry mess is that the house is mine all mine and whilst I can't see any way of paying the mortgage without his income, I don't have any hassle in having to see because he wants his share etc etc etc.

    Look, I'll be honest here... the ??200 he's been giving you is pittance, I can't think you will be that skint without it because when you do the maths, for the further advance on the mortgage to pay his bill, over the duration of your mortgage term, you'll probably be worse off doing this than losing the money he gives you each month.
    Also, I can see why his finances are important whilst you are on maternity leave but he should take some responsibility for himself, pay his own debts of, have seperate bank account to his wife and pay his way a bit more coz then you wouldn't be left to sort everything out to his advantage.

    As for benefits - housing benefit and council tax benefit you can't claim if you own your own house (shit or what!) but you can get council tax reduction 25% if he's not there. There's working tax credit, child tax credits and child benefit too. I think income support is for if you are earning less than about ??60 per week.
    Ring the benefits office, might take them longer to answer the phone but in my experience you'll get better advice than at the CAB.
    Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Just look after you and your child(ren), by the sounds of it you've worked really hard to get where you are xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • heya i am Louise and i am 24 years old and i have two children. James has just turned 4 and Jasmine will be 3 in june and i have been divorced from my ex - hasband for nearly 3 years now cos he walked out on us and haven't seen him since .

    love Louise xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • i know exactly how u feel wen i met my ex he had a daughter from a previous relationship , he pays ?? 135 a week nursery fees even though he is entitled to busy bee vouchers through his employer to help with this wen we fell out he played the trump card that our baby isnt his and want dna and aint payin . thts y i am gettin the csa involved he was there to make the baby he can be there to pay too . and if he refuses to pay they will automatically take it out of his wages instead of direct debit il be havin the last laugh on him xxx
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