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Overcoming the impossible...

I had a fling with this guy at work... we had something going on but since both of us are commitment phobic, we never made it official... as things started to become serious i decided to be honest about my feelings likewise with his and we both decided to stop seeing each other. Although, that's what we thought... until something happened again...and again. Needless to say, it was a vicious circle... and it ended when i told him i was pregnant.

I was not expecting too much from him, I just wanted to inform him - as it is his very own right to know... I was raised with a religious background therefore termination was not an option that i even considered.- but this is what he suggested... Currently i am 2 months pregnant... the guy is so inconsiderate and heartless... told me he will be looking for a diff. job as he can't stand back and watch me pregnant, he also does not want me to let people know that he is the father. He's not ready for the responsibility and he told me that he doesn't want to be involve at all and does not want to know anything at all. I have not told my parents as of yet, i am very scared of the unknown... I live by myself with no family near as they are all based in ireland yet i don't want to relocate back to ireland. Im on the verge of going insane because he keeps messaging me in facebook yet all i hear is negativity... I told him that i was not expecting anything from him yet he is making me feel like this... I know it will be very difficult for me as i will be doing everything on my own... I would love to hear about your advices about how I can be better in dealing and coping with my situation... physically, emotionally and financially... ty


  • Hi Ayriz....

    Your situation sounds very similar to mine. I had a relationship with a guy from my workplace (although I am not there anymore) and my feelings also grew... he told me stuff - which turned out to be BS... cos once I told him I was pregnant he has been a right irresponsible IDIOT! He'd still be seeing me if he could act irresponsible and get catered to... in fact one time when I talked to him on the phone a while back and I was complaining at him for him letting me down by not keeping his word, he actually told me I was "ruining his hard on!"

    He told me earlier on in our relationship if I ever got pregnant he'd never leave and all sorts and I believed him! I am now currently 19 +5.

    Anyway, I completely symapthise. What I would say is you NEED your family and baby will too. I know you are worried and I am assuming you are catholic ? ..... but coping with this situation on your own is I would imagine going to be too difficult. I live on my own but am going back to my parents' at least for the foreseeable future after the birth until I feel I can cope by myself. It is a lot to take on and you will need a break. Plus as I get bigger, doing things like shopping is getting more difficult cos I live in a flat so have to climb a few flights of stairs.

    I really think as soon as you are in your second trimester you should tell your parents and anyone else who you think will be a support to you. Couldn't you relocate to Ireland for a few months.... you will be on maternity anyway. Financially I am sure that going to Ireland will be good for you as well won't it? The benefits system in this country is so bloody confusing and won't you be better off with some family around you in terms of rent/mortgage payments etc.

    About fb... ignore it! Block him. Don't feel horrible, you are doing it for your mental and physical well being and that of your baby. I actually came off facebook a while back in my pregnancy cos it was driving me mad! Put yourself first and your baby. Whatever he says try your best to stay calm; exposure to chronic stress is not good for baby..... I know it is very hard believe me.... you will see this from my rant entitled "Incensed at the father!"

    He may change his mind and at the end of the day, his parents deserve to know, his family etc and your baby deserves to know when he or she asks, so at some point he will have to face up to it. Maybe he is in shock? But like I said, put you and your baby first and build up a support network around you. Try and put some space between you and the father if there is any way cos then you will reduce your stress levels. I hope you have some good friends who are tactful and supportive?

    My ex is a little different to yours in that he bloody should accept responsibility cos he has other children already, a few who are grown cos he had them young.

    Anyway, I hope I have helped a little. You must create a support network, cos pregnancy is emotional enough cos of hormonal changes without the added stress you are enduring.

    I will tell you one thing, when you feel your baby start kicking it is magic and whatever happens you will have a gorgeous lil person to love and bring up - focus on that... and your parents will probably be really happy to be grandparents after the initial shock. I am sure they won't want to think of you struggling - they love you, they will want to help

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