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Help settling children :(

hi all, need some advice re the above. My partner and I split recently (my decision) and I moved into a lovely flat just round the corner from the house. having massive issues at bed time since they're sharing now. I know it's a big change and I know it's not going to be easy but just looking for reassurance/guidance. Got an 18 month old who will nap quite fine in her new room in the day but refuses to settle at night, and an almost 6yo who's crying for her daddy every night. It's taking me 3 hours minimum to get them to sleep and that's when they cry themselves to sleep. He sees them on a regular basis and has them overnight. I have suspicions him or sum1 in his family is slating me to her as she's done things and made comments that suggest this. It feels like she hates me which hurts since I left him due to his constant cheating ???? x


  • There's two issues here. The first is the sleep, and the second is the bad mouthing. To deal with the bad mouthing the only thing that you can do is to speak to him about it. Ask him for the truth, and then tell him that you don't bad mouth him, even after everything he has done, because he's their daddy and they don't need to be hearing that kind of stuff. Hopefully you can come to some kind of resolution on that front.

    As for the sleeping, it's probably going to be a bit of a case of suck it and see really. There's a fab book about a rabbit who needs to go to sleep, I can't remember the exact title, but that's really helping little ones with sleep. The other option is to settle the younger one and then allow the older one to stay up for a bit longer (because she's a big girl) but on the proviso that when it reaches the new bedtime she has to go in quietly so as not to disturb the other etc. 

    Not sure if that helps at all? I'm sure it is all just a phase and they will get through it, but I know that doesn't particularly help with the here and now!

  • Thanks Hun. I discovered last night that it actually works quite well to put the little one in her room and let the eldest sleep in my bed while the baby is settling. I always wake her about 9-10pm for a wee so last night I put her in her own bed after going to the toilet. The little one settled after an hour n 40 mins and the eldest was fast off as soon as she got in bed. Think it's just a case of them getting used to the new set up. As for the bad mouthing he's sworn noones saying anything so I'm really not sure x

  • Sorry to hear things are difficult for you.  I wish I could offer some advice but I'm having difficulty with my little one too and bedtime routine, there are so many different theories around it is hard to know but I'm not sticking too rigidly to anything, just trying to find the best fit for my wee man. Hope all settles for you soon hon x

  • Cheers babe and u. Didn't realise it's so hard doing it by urself but I'm definitely better off on my own x

  • Pleased to report my girls were fed bathed n fast asleep in their own room by 7pm, no tears or tantrums ???? lets hope this is the start of them accepting our new circumstances x

  • That sounds really positive hun, and I'm glad it's a bit easier for you! Even if it starts off as the odd night where they settle well, it will grow into more nights until the norm is the settling well. 

    I couldn't imagine doing it on my own, so massive massive respect and best wishes to you. You know what's best for your kiddies and it sounds like you're doing a fab job image

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