Resenting kids dad
I have been split from my kids dad for about year although things have been on and off since we had our son in December. We have two kids and I just feel sometimes I really resent him, for leaving me pregnant for causing so much stress during my pregnancy for causing our oldest possible problems also as she says daily she doesn't like him or want to see him anymore... I feel like it's really daft stuff but he sees them for about 6 hours on a Sunday at my house because he refuses to take them anywhere. And I've told him so many times to take them out or something so I can catch up with housework but he says no sometimes I just need a minute and I can't ever catch a break I'm a single mum and I had no intention of doing any of this alone, It's so hard sometimes and he's a really selfish and immature guy.
Does that feeling that you have this hate for your kids dad go away?
Hi hun, i get where you are coming from. I got divorced and my ex was and still is a nightmare he was violent so as much as i loved him i choose to leave but i am still filled with resentment. I know its super hard to be a single mum but here are some things that may help
firstly you need a break from him. He needs to see the children outside your home. You are not together and its not your responsibility to have him at your house. you need to stand firm and say he picks them up and takes them out or he doesnt see them. If possible have a friend or member of family to come round when he is collecting children so he cant make you feel guilty. If he has no where to go consider using a contact centre. You need to separate yourself from him and this is the first step.
if he isnt going to take the kids you need to accept your situation and see how you can make it better. look for some sure start centres who will offer support and advice. Contact home start who can have someone come to your house and look after the children while you catch up on jobs or simply offer you some one to chat too. Unfortunatly you cant change things and the sooner you except that things ate down to you, you will feel better.
it doesnt last forever it gets easier. The children will get to nursery and school and you will get some space. Get the kids into a really good routine so you can have a break at naptime and bedtime. I have four kids they are all in bed by 7. This gives me time in the evening to have some space.
you just need to not think anout your ex. You will get to the point where he wont matter. And he doesnt matter. Its really really hard but you can do it but you have to get out there and find yourself some help and support. You will get theough it
Hi hun thanks for the reply I have an amazing support system from my family and I am very grateful for them and they do so much when I'm at college and so on. I just hate that I have to ask because he's so unreliable and I cannot ever make any plans because he can cancel last minute 😕 we had spoken about him getting his own things for the kids and taking them out this was over a month ago and it's never happened sadly. His family have pretty much nothing to do with my kids by their own choice we all live in the same city but they see my kids maybe twice a year. I am just so exhausted and probably give in to whatever nonsense he's spouting so I can have a minute.
Its so hard being a mum. Honestly i cant even wee in peace. Its great that your family are supportive but also difficult too. I think you just need to not expect anything from your kids dad. once you stop expecting help, you wont make plans or look forward to tome that then you dont have. And when he does step up it will be a happy bonous. I know thats tough but dont allow hom to control your life. Maybe consider mediation to get something more official. It took me ages to get tough with my ex but once you stand your ground things will change. Just make it clear he cant be at your house. If he doesnt see the kids its his loss and you can move on and make plans doing things you can do instead of relying on him and then being dissapointed. He may surprise you and step up hope this makes sense.
Yeah makes a lot of sense I just wish he would be there for them, step and and do what he's meant to or what he's said he will do it's hard though because often he's nowhere to take them and financially struggling atm.. so stuck on what to do with that
Harsh as it is its not your problem. Until you ate hatd on him he will take the easy route. If you have spare pennies to give him to take to a play place suggest that. I know what its like my ex was a nightmare but things didnt change until i stood my geound and he had to take responsibility. It will get better though it just takes tIme