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Do I let him see my kids after 2 years of no involvement?

Hi everyone,

I need some advice on whether I should let my 3 daughters fathers in their life.

We have 4 year old twin daughters together and a 2 year old daughter. We were never really in a relationship but he's the only person I slept with for about 4 years straight. We were very much on and off and we had a very emotional few years after I got pregnant with my twins and told him that he needs to be involved.

He was Involved and saw the girls most weekends. He never really knew what he wanted. I knew for sure he didn't want me although we slept together consistently. Then he met another girl who a couple of years later became his wife.

I really didn't like her at all! We had never met but I felt like she took him away from his girls, while they were engaged we slept together a few times and I fell pregnant again! To my surprise she actually stayed with him after I forced him to come clean about our affair to her. But then he moved 3 hours away and because of the "drama" stopped seeing his daughters (even though he never did anything much for them anyway).

He did however tell me he's not ready to be involved yet he has to sort out his life and he hasn't been involved for 2 years and has never met his daughter.

About 4 months ago he reached out to me and said he is now ready to be involved (He's now married with a 4 month year old) I'm not sure what's changed but I don't know what to do because I've moved on and been in a relationship for over 2 years and my girls see my boyfriend as dad (even though I've never told them that and they've never called him that, he's been consistent in their life)

On one hand he explains that he would have been no use looking after the girls because he was overcoming a "serious sex addiction" and he would only have made things worse and wanted to be there 100%for the girls which he is mow ready to do. As for the wife, I can't stand her but I can't actually fault her either because even though I don't really trust kids around her she has been a primary school teacher for over 10 years and is very good with kids.

sidenote: over the last 2 years my twins have been seeing his parents and apparently he's always asking about them and as of recent speaks to them over Skype whenever his parents have them. They know that's their daddy now but my youngest has never met or seen him. and he has never stopped paying maintenance.

We met recently to discuss what should happen and my condition was to allow him to see the youngest while I'm around until im comfortable and confident that they have a stable relationship, they said no and decided that they only want me to do the initial meeting and introduction then leave her with them to build their own relationship so I don't interfere with their relationship building.

I don't know what to do now, do I just allow him to walk back in and be the father I've always expected him to be? Or Do I make his life he'll because he left me with 3 kids 2 years ago and just feels he can waltz back in and call the shots? I'm still angry at him about what he did but I do want him to see the girls. my head is frazzled! Help!


  • I know how hard this is on you but its not about you. The question is do your girls deserve to know their dad and their sibling?

    ge has reached out to you. The girls are young and have an opportunity to build a relationship. You dont need to have contact with him. If the girls see his parents maybe have them visit them and introduce the children slowly.

    if you dont let your daughters see their dad then they may resent you for it. what if they get to 18 and ask you why they never saw him. How do you think they will feel if your andwer is that you didnt trust his wife.

    if it doesnt work out then you dont have to continue.

    honestly dont think i am judging my ex is a nightmare, but he is still my girls dad and as hard as it is on me my kids have the chance to develope their own opinions about him. 

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