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Self soothing

hiya my one year old is terrible for goin to sleep I can put him in he's cot with a bottle of milk and he's blanket but as soon as I go out the room he just cries till i come back in the room then goes quiet hes not on a dummy won't have one anymore I just don't know what to do my health visitor isn't very helpful either please really needs some help


  • I know it sounds harsh and this is very hard to do but sometimes you just have to let them cry. He's obviously fine because he stops crying when you come back in. It's like a game and he's winning! You need to let him cry and eventually he will learn that that's how it's going to be and won't do that anymore. It's extremely difficult but it's going to be best for you and your child in the long run. Best of luck!

  • my little one went through this for about a week a few months back... I think it was due to being away on holiday & his routine being out of whack... That & his grandparents giving him a ton of fuss! 

    Anyway... I knew we had to help him get over it but I wasn't happy to do the controlled crying thing... Just didnt feel right to me... So I did the gradual retreat method.... You settle them & put them in their crib then sit on the floor by the side of the crib. You then slowly slowly inch away (still sat on the floor) until you are out the door. If they start crying you move a little bit closer again & make soothing noises etc. I think the first couple days it took me about 30 mins or so to leave the room, the next couple it was much quicker & within a week or so we were back to normal where I could just pop him in his crib & walk straight out.

    this method might not work for everyone... But I like it because you're helping them to learn to soothe themselves in their crib but still 'there' for them so they can develop trust that you are responding to their cues... worth a try! 

  • Thanks for your reply!x

    ive done this and been doin it for months but furthest I've is to my bedroom door as soon as he cant see me he starts crying (screaming) i think he's very insecure and once I do get him to sleep he only sleeps for a couple of hours then he won't settle for hours and he only has a half hour nap through the day if I'm lucky 

  • I had this with my daughter we got her on 1 nap a day rather than 3 so she is tired enough when we do put her down she goes down for longer now i dont know if thats any help 


  • We have a 2 and a half year old. We also had trouble to put him in his bedroom, but for very short time, then he settled. And then we moved twice... and since then we have trouble from a year to have him in his own bed. Cos that's how he always ends up in our bed in the middle of every night. In ours it's slightly different. His bedroom window is right near the entrance to the block we live in. And inconsiderate dumb people slam this door at any time at night. A lot also depended how many cuddles with us he had during the day, the less the worse it was to put him down to sleep.

    So my hint is, to check the surroundings and adjust it. Maybe reading the book will help, together near the bed to move him slowly into the bed or right next to him while he lays in bed already and had his hugs and kisses already. The activities during day and naps sometimes also matter but not always as all children are different- my kid naps once or twice and sleeps at night(until someone slams the door and then he comes back running to us and back in his bed once he's asleep again).

    And not to be rude, but I would never leave a kid with a blanky and a bottle alone in bed. You won't get a chance to brush his teeth once he will fall asleep(personally, dental care is important from a first tooth ever),and secondly... you actually can't hear someone choking up as they don't make noise at that very moment. Just know what you are doing.

  • He sleeps absolutely fine in my bed but I'd rather him be able to sleep on his own don't want him gettin too used to it for when he gets older lol 

    the only thing I haven't tried is leavin him to cry he's the same through the day can't leave the room without him bein with me so he can see me 

  • Well, babies can be very insecure, and yours is only one year old. I know you must be frustrated of the idea that older kid will sleep in your bed, but it happens to a lot of parents and it's not that abnormal as most people think. Stereotypes or "baby should this" or "well, my baby do this and that- what about yours?". Or some old wifes' tales that if you don't do it this way then your kid will be blah blah blah.... i.e. "if you give your kid a dummy then it won't have straight teeth in the future" totally not worth an attention. With time it will pass, you are his mother, of course he needs to be close to you. I know that feeling, when he follows you literally everywhere and it gets to the point when you want to go to sleep and relax, yet he is still there with you... and at that point I could not push him away. He still falls asleep in my bed with us, then I move him to his bed. If this is what he needs right now, then I'm all in. If I was disabled, that I would have trouble doing things for him, especially at bed time, then yes I would have been worried how to solve it, elswise I am a Mother :) I have to be strong, supportive and understanding.

    My mate have two kids, boys. They are big boys now. When they were little, one of them had no problem at all, the other was idealised on the first one of "no problem" at all. It didn't work. The more they trained him to sleep on his own the worse it got, he followed the rutine but seemed to be more insecure within time. I remember when he was 4-5y old. Coming back to her bed at night, coming up with excauses most of the time.

    And if it is worth trying... try putting his bed next to yours for a while (even if it was there before). Then tell him to sleep in his bed while you look at each other.   We did that while my boy was still in our room. We came up with some sayings in our bed time routine, one lullaby that we always started singing, bath, lotions, drinking milk cuddles and his bed. He did try his all crying and massive drama, only because he was angry/tired and didn't want that. Then I started telling him it's night time, showing him the window in the morning and at night. Telling that other people are asleep, then pretending that his daddy was asleep that he has to be quoet and also go to sleep.

    All in all, there are many methods and good advise and tales and stuff like that. Your job is to make it personal, find things he likes to do, favourite toy, spend time personalising him his stories his toys. Showing at that time what are doing other people in the household. I dunno what else. Just do what you think is the closes to him and to you. He will seek that connection before bedtime everytime.

    It's hard to see them cry, but in a long run might be worth it. When my kid cried generously because he really cried then of course I reacted ASAP, but when I've seen how he pushes me and doing it on purpose.. the fun in all of it stopped. It took a lot of walking and nerves but you will get there. One way or another....  One day at the time(hopefully not a very long time).

    Some nice, beautiful day they all will decide to leave our beds for good ;)

  • Hi I also have a 1 year old and despaired at 11 months. Then I decided it was going to be cry and leave if it came to it. I did a short bedtime routine combined with wind down hour of bath, supper, stories then daddy and I put him between us on the bed in near darkness with his milk, said a child prayer and nursery rhyme twinkle twinkle and put him to bed with milk, teddy and comfort blanket. He cried the first time as soon as we left but only for minutes surprisingly. We were going to go back in and pat his back and leave according to the cry and leave method. But he rarely made 5 mins before being spark out.This he kept up for a Few weeks. Then he stopped crying when put to bed and instead all we hear is him chatting to teddy or comforting teddy and saying ah teddy. Now if he does cry we know something is wrong. 

  • Thanks happypip  think I will try this tnyt as I've tried alot of things but not this 

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