need support!! I feel so down :(

Tilly09 · Apr 19, 2010 5:22AM

Hi ladies, for those who don't know me I'm tilly and have maddie (18 months old).

I don't know how to explain it but I've just been feeling so unhappy lately. i lost it last night and delted my fb account (if you know me, this is ridiculous! i dont think it will last long but i am hoping it will help).

I live with my mum, step-dad, younger brother and myself + maddie. My brother is extremely challenging (he's almost 9) to deal with, he doesn't have any social disorders or anything serious but i can not go more than an hour with him without it turing into a serious fight. Ok, sibling rivalry is normal, but this brings me to tears all the time.

Secondly, I've become incredibly lazy during the day and feel so guilty to admit this but most nights i am just counting down the hours til I can put Maddie to bed and relax. But I don't even relax, I just go on facebook and BE and watch tv. In the morning I will just put on some tv for me, then for maddie, and just lie on the couch doing nothing until its time to give her morning tea and for her to have her nap. Then after that we will eiter go to the shops or hang aorund in the garden, and a lot of the time i am on my phone checking fb while watching her. I ffeel so damn horrible.

I'm single but have recently met someone who I am VERY compatible with, but I havent told anyone about him yet as I am embarrassed about it (which is ridiculous in itself) - i've only been on one date with this guy so I don't want to get him too involved with my family until we are a 'sure thing' iykwim.

sorry for this rant but I really don't know who to talk to. I get so angry so easily (but never hurt maddie, i just boil up inside and end up crying when i fall asleep). I know you ladies aren't psychologists but I count you as my friends so please, any advice, anything. This is only recent (past month or so). But I have taken a 'do you have depression' thing and by my answers which are honest i am NOT depressed.

...................................help ;'(

PS. today i was on the computer a total of about 20 mins and had THE best day. amazing

but now that im home i just feel so blerghhhhhhhh.
goodnight (its 10pm n in australia lol)

canuckmom · Apr 17, 2010 9:30AM

Hi Tilly,
Sorry you're feeling in the dumps but good to hear you had a good day!

I think many of moms fall into a "funk" now and again - I know I have too. Have you tried taking your dd to a park or meeting up with other moms in the area? Playgroups or any other parent and tot classes?

Also I think it would be beneficial for yourself to be "Tilly" and not "mommy" all the time - do you have a hobby? Is there something that you can do that you like to do? Photography, scrapbooking, crafting, running? Is it possible to leave your dd with your mom so you can get out on your own and with friends?

All I can say is try to make time for yourself and do something for you that you enjoy...

Hang in there - btw, where do you live? I have rellies in Perth - their pics of the beach they post on FB make me jealous:roll:

_B-U-T-T-E-R-F-L-Y_ · Apr 17, 2010 12:57PM

hi hun, really sorry u have been feeling down lately, have u ne 1 u feel comfortable talking too such as hv or a good friend? do u nad ur mum get on quite well? when i had freya me and mark jus got married and we were living with my mum and tbh i found it very hard not having ur own space as a family and generally drove me nuts as much as i love my mum i needed my own space! i dont know what to suggest really but i kind of know how ur feeling and what ur goin through. is ot that long until ur trip to the uk and u and maddie will get so much from it, its like a once in a life time opportunity and maddie is such a lucky little girl shes goin to experience this with her mummy. i miss u and all ur updates on fb, my news feed wall is very quiet

if u need some1 to jus talk to them my email button is on here too, hope ur ok, hopefully speak soon. xxxx ((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))

LadyTottington · Apr 17, 2010 2:37PM

Hi hon, sorry you're feeling so bad - sounds like you're a bit bored and down in the dumps!

First of all, I totally admire you (and all single parents) for doing it all on your own - I know I rely on my hubby a lot. Not just for help with the children but for adult conversation in the evening when the lo's are in bed! Maybe why you are spending your evenings on facebook and be? I hope you have a good relationship with your mum? I think it's hard to live at home as well, when you have grown up and have a child of your own. I love my family dearly, but I know it would be difficult to move back home!

18mths is a tricky age - things can be a little bit 'routine' and tedious when caring for a 18mth old - I do remember similar feelings myself lol! Life seemed like a succession of chores - breakfast, lunch, tea, bath, bed and activities in between! I think we all have days when we just want to lie on the sofa!

Don't worry - take heart that you are not actually depressed, and maybe try and think of a few more activities to get you out of the house a bit more. I do find that staying cooped up in the house a lot makes me feel a bit de-motivated!

Really hope you feel better soon. And good luck with your new bloke!

xx

mrsjbourne · Apr 17, 2010 5:50PM

oh hun *hugs* i don't know what to say but we're all here for you and i know i'm speaking for everyone of us on your fb in saying that you are a fab mum and a great friend...we luv you hun and miss you! hope ur ok x

Tilly09 · Apr 17, 2010 6:53PM

thanks everyone.

frillypink - i play soccer in a ladies team (training twice a week, games on w/e) and go to playgroup once a week as well. But I havent been in a month due to easter holidays and my brother getting chicken pox so we didnt want to risk spreading it (thank god maddie didnt end up catching them, today is the last day that she could have gotten it since my brother was infectious up til 2 weeks ago, so we can finally get out a bit more now) and i live in brisbane (opposit side of the country lol) xx

butterfly - my mum and i are pretty close thankfully, she's also a psychologist, but sometimes thats the last thing i want to talk to her for lol. and i know, i am so excited about visiting you all!! t will be amazing and its good to have something to look forward to!!

tottie - i have never lived out of home so i dont miss being onmy own but i do want to have my own space so much, i am going a little crazy but since im a SAHM i cant afford to live by myself with maddie as yet. i am studying full time (4 years from feb 2011) soon and after that will have more than enough to support us but til then i will be here. sad face!!!!!

thanks mrsjb and keri-anne... i don't know what else to say... i love all of you!! and i can't wait for the mother of all playdates in june/july lol.

arghhhhhhhhhhh i have to go but i will keep you updated... and sandie, katie and fiona have all emailed me so you could ask one of them if you like xxxx

fiandrup · Apr 18, 2010 5:55AM

your story sounds like my life. especially when rupert is away at sea. i have been home with hayden 24 /7 since end of march as i have been off work for easter and to tell the truth i am so ready to go back and get a brake from him!! iknow that sounds bad but even he needs a break from me too!..i love him with all my heart but like you i find i am on fb, be, email etc zoning out from him and its not good. i am now trying to make a point of only going on computer when he was asleep. is it pos to get a wee part time job where you become tilly again and not mummy for a few hours? Ironically i leave my baby to go and look after other peeps kids but at least there i have other adults to talk to.
going to type this bit in big letters YOU ARE A FAB MUMMY!!!!!!!! DO NOT FORGET THAT!!!!!
((((((((hhugs)))))))) to you and maddie, love fi and hayden

el_pinko · Apr 18, 2010 11:35AM

oh hun, i am so sorry to read this, we all get stuck in a rut at times, and this is the main reason why i have closed my Facebook shop as i was spending every free minute making orders and totally exhausted!!! i felt i wasn't having enough time with the kids etc and felt so guilty about it.

You are a fab Mummy to Maddie and you can tell how happy she is from your photographs!

You know where we are if you need us x x x x

wallflower · Apr 18, 2010 12:41PM

Hi Honey, Gatecrashigng from June 2010. This sounds like a hard situation. It is AWFUl when you send hours on the internet. I swear sites like facebook and myspace etc are just there for stalking and making people feel miserable. Honestly what could ANYBODY update on there that would make you feel anything other than 'oh'. You see photos of their 'amazing lives' which are probably not half as amazing as you think and feel your own isnt so fab. I'm not trying to preach to you, but I know myself that from havng cut down the time I spen on facebook to 15/20 mins a day I'm a lot happier. Don't forget you are seeing EVERYTHING that EVERYONE does so yeah there will be loads of pics of people own partying, but it doesn't mean they do it every night and they don't. You have a beautiful daughter and are obviuosly trying to better yourself through education so I'd say good on you.

Good luck hun x

SuzMcH1 · Apr 19, 2010 5:22AM

Oh Tilly. We all feel like this sometimes. I've always thought what an amazing job you do with Maddie. When I seeyour pics you are always out doing fun exciting stuff.

Not long till your trip and we'll have lots of fun playdates. Just shout if you need anything, a little time out won't do any harm. S xx

need support!! I feel so down :(

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