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is the MIL just completely thoughtless....? Christmas...
You all know the ins and outs of the relationship with the MIL...
Well she had the kids for the weekend and brought them home last night....
then she started talking about Christmas - and actually said to us - you don't mind if we don't see you on Xmas day do you, and come up boxing day instead? The kids aren't old enough to notice are they??
WTF!!!!!!
This is the woman who is so obsessed with the kids that she cant stop buying them things and constantly fusses and babies them and annoys the sh!te out of me when she acts like she's their mum...
But what can I say? She wants to go to her friends house, who apparently has been pestering her for 3 years to spend xmas with her, but surely her family should be the ones that see her on xmas day? She thinks Ollie won't 'know' that she isnt there - this is a 3 1/2 yr old she's talking about! He knows a week before he's visiting her that he's going! (and never shuts up about her either)
I think she is quite frankly being rude and ignorant to the kids - I personally couldnt care less for myself, but am so bloody annoyed as they *will* know she isnt there!!!
Would anyone else be annoyed about this? Would anyone's MIL/Mum ever dream of doing something like this?
(I'm not on about those who have to alternate which family they visit each year because of distances, as she lives around half an hour away so its not the distance)
I'll be working boxing day too so its not like I will have the time to make a (second) big dinner for them, although she has suggested having a buffet (for 4 people and 2 kids? Erm... that won't be a buffet it'll be a plate of sandwiches and I'm not spending money on more food that wont get eaten!)
Its bad enough that we haven't even seen the SIL since before last xmas!!! But the bloody MIL!
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I think I'm going to have to talk to OH later about it, and try to explain that I do think Ollie especially will notice if she isnt there, and that I don't think its acceptable, but I was put on the spot yesterday when she said it so I couldn't do anything, so he said it would be ok....
Oh god she really is stupid and bloody annoying!
Help please!!!!
xxxxx
Well she had the kids for the weekend and brought them home last night....
then she started talking about Christmas - and actually said to us - you don't mind if we don't see you on Xmas day do you, and come up boxing day instead? The kids aren't old enough to notice are they??
WTF!!!!!!
This is the woman who is so obsessed with the kids that she cant stop buying them things and constantly fusses and babies them and annoys the sh!te out of me when she acts like she's their mum...
But what can I say? She wants to go to her friends house, who apparently has been pestering her for 3 years to spend xmas with her, but surely her family should be the ones that see her on xmas day? She thinks Ollie won't 'know' that she isnt there - this is a 3 1/2 yr old she's talking about! He knows a week before he's visiting her that he's going! (and never shuts up about her either)
I think she is quite frankly being rude and ignorant to the kids - I personally couldnt care less for myself, but am so bloody annoyed as they *will* know she isnt there!!!
Would anyone else be annoyed about this? Would anyone's MIL/Mum ever dream of doing something like this?
(I'm not on about those who have to alternate which family they visit each year because of distances, as she lives around half an hour away so its not the distance)
I'll be working boxing day too so its not like I will have the time to make a (second) big dinner for them, although she has suggested having a buffet (for 4 people and 2 kids? Erm... that won't be a buffet it'll be a plate of sandwiches and I'm not spending money on more food that wont get eaten!)
Its bad enough that we haven't even seen the SIL since before last xmas!!! But the bloody MIL!
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I think I'm going to have to talk to OH later about it, and try to explain that I do think Ollie especially will notice if she isnt there, and that I don't think its acceptable, but I was put on the spot yesterday when she said it so I couldn't do anything, so he said it would be ok....
Oh god she really is stupid and bloody annoying!
Help please!!!!
xxxxx
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Replies
If you really think it will upset Ollie then just tell her that.. im sure she wouldn't want to upset him? would she?
Hugs xx
xxx
Personally I think its completely your MIL's choice what she wants to do at Christmas. I dont know why you are feeling so angry about it? Ollie has you and hubby and he will be happy. Ollie can see MIL the following day, like your friend has said above your DS will be busy celebrating Christmas to be affected by it. I just want to be honest, and I feel in the grand scheme of things... worse things happy at sea and this is okay. She obviously very much loves your DS but this year wants to see her friend. My advice is dont fret, have a great christmas. On boxing day we mainly use the leftovers and add a few little snacks
[Modified by: MyGirlandI on August 23, 2010 12:40 PM]
I appreciate your honesty, but after everthing she has done and caused over the last 3 years it just feels like she's up to her usualy tricks and I'm fed up of it. If she doesnt want to see her grandson this xmas day she will be more than happy with explaining it to him herself as I'm not being the bad guy on this one. Its her choice as you say, so she can be the one to tell Ollie and have to deal with his tears.
The sheer audacity of her to say this now, after all the problems she has caused is unbelievable!
xx
Yes Ollie will notice she's not there (get her to tell him that she won't be there) but will he really be that bothered? Just explain Christmas is just for the 4 of you this year. I'm sure he'll be so busy with his toys and playing with MJ that he won't be sitting in a corner crying for Granny!
On the Boxing Day, why not ask the MIL to prepare some food and bring it? Or just use bits you have left from Christmas Day, then you won't have to stress too much about what to make.
I know how hard it can be with MILs, I've had battles with mine over the years, but in this case I'd prob count it as a blessing that she won't be there hogging the kids while they open their pressies!
xx
I don't mind your honesty - but I am confused by it
She sees the kids once a month and thats when she fusses and loves them, she sees this friend three times a week....
she created a massive problem about it when I suggested this very idea a few years back, but now that it suits her to change her mind it's supposedly ok?
This friend she wants to go to has created problems for us a couple of years ago as well.... (by stiring things with the MIL and saying things about us when she doesn't even know us!)
you'd be ok with that?
Sorry if I sound blunt, but I am trying to see why on earth she would do this, esp as she has got Ollie worshipping her now..
I don't even know what shift I'll be on on boxing day - I could be on a day shift
xx
I'm happy not to have my inlaws local (they're 360 miles away) coz we don't get on, I'd rather spend Xmas on my own lol.
Some people and your mil from the sounds of it...like the whole idea of being the fab grandma but when comes to actually putting in the time they are too selfish. The reason she is saying the kids wont notice is to take the blame off her! Just the thing my mum says just as she cancels a visit (H wont mind and O is too young to notice) and my 4 year old is left crying. Just enjoy your xmas day, do whatever YOU want to do boxing day. She had the chance to see them for xmas day, she changed her mind so she should wait until it is convenient now and as you are working boxing day it doesn't sound too convenient!!
[Modified by: em29 on August 24, 2010 06:55 AM]
I am getting more annoyed about it the more I think about it, because i was forced into something 3 years ago i didnt want but got used to (and the kids too) but I cant let her just treat Ollie as someting she can see on her terms and discard wenever she wants someting different... but I can't make a big song and dance about it because then I'll be as bad as her
It grates even more because the son of the woman she is going to see (who doesnt even know me or OH) started stiring shit 2 years ago, and i feel like saying if her own shit stirring son doesnt want to see her at xmas why should MIL want to go and see someone who's family has caused us so much trouble in the past, potentially causing even more trouble now!
at the very least she will be the one to tell Ollie she isnt coming.
My dad still has to be figured into the equation - 3 years ago he was more than willing to agree to seeing us boxing day and letting us have xmas day as the 3 (now 4) of us, but with him being there (as well as MIL) for the last 3 years he doesn't want to miss out now, and has things set in place for my grandma (who is in a home now) for xmas day so that he can come up and see us, with my sis who literally has my dad and me for family...
I can see it causing problems again between me and OH, when we've only just started to sort things out, and I cant help but be cycnical about her timing of it - i mean xmas is far enough away for her to have mentioned it next month, or in Oct isnt it? so is she just being malicious by saying this now?
I don't think OH will see the problem, even though he knows Ollie worships his mum
If anyone has any idea what I can say - to OH and to MIL (and which way to say it in because I cant help but feel like slapping the stupid cow at the moment) I would very much apreciate it
xx
To MIL I'd just make sure you keep your cool (Not easy I know) and just maybe say you feel a bit upset that she's choosing not to spend Christmas with you this year because you all like having her there (can you say that without choking?!?!) and it won't be the same without her... Maybe a bit of flattery is what she's after, some kind of 'you're so loved' type thing. I couldn't do it though.... And just say gently 'Ollie's going to be so upset, I don't know how to break it to him, maybe it'd be best coming from you.'
To OH, in a way that's even harder cos you just really want to let loose but you have to remember OH will be loyal to his mum no matter what so choose your words carefully and don't slag her off- maybe say you're suprized she's chosen to go, worried about who she's seeing (that they might interfere or cause you trouble like before) and that you're upset for the kids not getting to see her because they worship her. Then maybe he could have a word with his mum and you wouldn't have to.
I wish you loads of luck hun, me and my MIL had problems for years and
it put a real strain on relationship with OH, so I feel for you. x
If she has taken over your family to the degree that you the mummy isn't enough and granny has to be there too then I think it sounds like a perfect opportunity to have a beautiful bonding day with your children and experience an immediate family christmas. Three years ago was three years ago, consider your here and now. Maybe mil's friend doesn't have too many more christmases to go. It sounds considerate checking in with you 3 months before christmas as opposed to abandoning you to deal with it a week before. Good luck and I hope it goes well