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Attack of 'Mummy Guilt'
Why is parenthood so full of guilt?!!!
I am currently 33 weeks pregnant with my second and due to start maternity leave next week. I know I am very lucky in being in a position where OH has agreed that our LO (two & a half) can continue to go to the childminders (to keep her in a routine and protect my sanity!) for slightly reduced hours. We've also decided to take her to the local playgroup one morning a week to get her used to mixing with a larger group of children (there are only two of them at childminders).
But I just feel so guilty all the time... Guilty that I am going to continue to send her to childminders, that I can't cope with her being at home at the same time as being heavily pregnant / having a small baby, that she hasn't fully settled in to playgroup (it's only her 2nd week ffs!), that I'm already disturbing her routine at childminders by sending her to playgroup. I even cried this morning when I accidentally bumped her head while changing her nappy.
I know it's only bl**dy hormones but I wish they'd stop making me feeling so guilty all the time!!
I have the utmost respect for stay at home mum's - I really don't think I could cope with her at home all week (doesn't help that OH works incredibly long hours, often seven days a week). Then I feel guilty that being a Mum should mean I would love to stay at home with LO and the new baby all the time.
Sorry for the rant - just hope that getting it off my chest might make me feel... less guilty!!
Liz
I am currently 33 weeks pregnant with my second and due to start maternity leave next week. I know I am very lucky in being in a position where OH has agreed that our LO (two & a half) can continue to go to the childminders (to keep her in a routine and protect my sanity!) for slightly reduced hours. We've also decided to take her to the local playgroup one morning a week to get her used to mixing with a larger group of children (there are only two of them at childminders).
But I just feel so guilty all the time... Guilty that I am going to continue to send her to childminders, that I can't cope with her being at home at the same time as being heavily pregnant / having a small baby, that she hasn't fully settled in to playgroup (it's only her 2nd week ffs!), that I'm already disturbing her routine at childminders by sending her to playgroup. I even cried this morning when I accidentally bumped her head while changing her nappy.
I know it's only bl**dy hormones but I wish they'd stop making me feeling so guilty all the time!!
I have the utmost respect for stay at home mum's - I really don't think I could cope with her at home all week (doesn't help that OH works incredibly long hours, often seven days a week). Then I feel guilty that being a Mum should mean I would love to stay at home with LO and the new baby all the time.
Sorry for the rant - just hope that getting it off my chest might make me feel... less guilty!!
Liz
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Replies
You have NO reason to feel guilty - your LO will benefit so much from the time away and the social interaction. Don't feel guilty about doing what is best for the whole family xx
I have just signed ds up for nursery for 4 hours per week, not because we actually "need" childcare, but because he is so sociable and outgoing, we feel he would benefit from it. Added to that are the selfish reasons that I am expecting no.2 as well and want to get him into a routine before baby arrives so that I still have some time to get on with other things.
Don't feel guilty, I know where you are coming from but surely a sane mummy makes for 2 happy children?!?!
We based our decision on a number of things including:
- how much he loves nursery & how much he gains from going
- not wanting to disrupt his routine too much
- giving me one-to-one time with DS2
- ensuring that he still has a place when I go back to work in January
DS2 is now 5 months & we've had no jealousy issues at all with DS1 & I believe that some of this is because we've kept him in nursery. On the days when he's not in nursery I make sure that I spend time playing with him & giving him as much attention as possible (much easier once a routine has been established!!) knowing that I will have 3 days on my own with DS2.
Easier said than done but don't feel guilty about it - you're doing what you think is right for you & your children.
Xxx
I feel guilty all the time! I have a 2 year old and a 12 week old and im a stay at home mum yet feel guilty that i dont get to play with dd like i use to or vice versa that ds doesnt get the attention that dd got when she was a baby! Its such hard work and my feet just never seem to touch the ground but its worth it and i try to put the guilt to the back of my mind as i know deep down i am doing a great job!!
Dont feel guilty!!! Playgroup is fantastic for them she will be having more fun there than what she would at home trying to share your attention! My dd goes to nursery one afternoon per week and i use to feel guilty about it as its not necessary as im a stay at home mummy but she LOVES it and has come on in leaps and bounds since starting! xx
I'm a sahm and I feel guilty some of the time that my ds doesn't go to nursery! Sometimes feel that he might be missing out on social interaction with other los.
I am now pregnant with no 2 and I will be sending him to nursery/pre-school towards the end of my pregnancy. This is so I can have quality time with the new baby and he can have a few mornings with all the benefits nursery brings.
These pregnancy hormones have a lot to answer for. It's hard enough without our emotions being all over the place too!
Don't beat yourself up, you're doing the best you can to make everyone happy. We all feel like you sometimes, blame it on those hormones!
Hope these last few weeks fly by for you x
I got shea out of the bath, wrapped him in a big white towel (still melts my heart) and looked right into my eyes and said
"mummy I miss you"..........pause........"when you're at work"!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh bad did I feel!!! but I have to work to survive!!
Like bliss said I think we are hard wired to feel guilty all the time!!