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Avoiding social situations

Does anyone else try and avoid social places that may ask you the dreaded questions like  “are going to have kids or want kids”? I have pretty much avoided all situations since my miscarriage.  My husband is getting frustrated with me and I just can’t help it. It breaks my heart that I can’t just say yes I’m pregnant now. He doesn’t understand and it’s causing issues with us. 

Posts

  • Why don't u try saying the truth? 

    I actually was asked for the first time ever recently, if we are having another. I said it's not that simple. He said I thought it's just sex u need. I said apparently not. Then he catch up with his thoughts and abandoned the topic.  

    Sometimes ppl need shock therapy. I understand u, I was avoiding all social contact for awhile now, but I'm working on fixing it now.
  • @MadDoda I guess cause I’m 34 and when I keep getting reminded that I don’t have kids or I’m not pregnant it hurts and when they say something like if I didn’t have kids by the time I was 30 I wasn’t having kids or I wanted kids sooner so I didn’t chance Down syndrome. I feel like I’m up against time and people asking me is giving me more anxiety. I just can’t imagine asking someone that question. I never have. I think it’s rude and you don’t know what’s someone going through to ask that. 
  • Yes, but ppl are clueless. Coz fertility issues are taboo. Everyone pretends that'l everything is nice and easy, while it's not.  I personally think that keeping it a secret is a bad idea. That's why I do not hesitate to say out loud that I suffer from mcs, ppl don't ask afterwords. 

    You need to do what is best for you, but total avoidance isn't good for ur mental health. Still, don't rush it, take it slowly. Maybe explain dh that u don't wanna be pressured and take it slowly. You just had traumatic event u have every right to feel the way u do. Hugs
  • You’re right @MadDoda thank you I will try that
  • Summer08 said:
    Does anyone else try and avoid social places that may ask you the dreaded questions like  “are going to have kids or want kids”? I have pretty much avoided all situations since my miscarriage.  My husband is getting frustrated with me and I just can’t help it. It breaks my heart that I can’t just say yes I’m pregnant now. He doesn’t understand and it’s causing issues with us. 
    I had a chemical/MC back in September, and that applied to me up until very recently, especially since people are starting to ask when we plan to have kids since we've been married almost 5 years now. I will say that I do still have someone ask me and it always throws me off and I catch myself blinking back the tears, but I usually just say, "Hopefully some day" and hurry up and change the subject. But my close friends and family know about the MC and so they don't bring it up unless it's to ask if I am doing okay, so now it is easier. The holidays were hard being around people who don't know the whole story since they could say insensitive things. I even had my grandpa's wife (he remarried after my grandma died, long story) come up to me and rub my stomach and ask if I was pregnant, and I went away bawling. People are so, so cruel, but I've learned a lot of it depends on the power you give them in your reaction, which is something I have worked on. But it does help to tell certain people you love and trust so they know, and that way social situations become easier, too. I hope it helps to know you aren't alone in feeling this way and that your emotions are totally valid! <3 
  • @the-emperor-of-ice-cream yea people can be so inappropriate with questions like that. A lady at work said I looked like I gained weight am I expecting! Wish I could I just slapped her lol! But you both are right I have to ignore their ignorance 
  • @Summer08
    I understand where you are coming from. I don't avoid social situations now, but there was a time when I did. I think most times when people ask about having children, they do it and don't mean to be rude, they are just interested. Depending on how it is done, it can be very rude. I have had the comment about age as well (I am 35). It can be deeply hurtful. We are 9 month into ttc baby number 3 and it is hard. I can't imagine how you feel with your mc. We haven't told anyone we are ttc number 3. I do however like to get people to think about the questions they ask and how they do it. My response to most of the questions I get asked is usually that I don't answer questions about ttc as it is a question I try not to ask other people as you never know who is going through fertility treatment or who is struggling, or has experienced a mc. Most people who. I have said that to, do tend to stop and think and have said they hadn't thought of that.
    On the flip side, one of my friends has chosen not to have children. She lives a very happy and fulfilled life. The amount of questions she gets about ttc etc is horrendous. She is quite open and tells them that her and her DH have no plans in having children. She then gets quite a few who voice their opinion that she is weird and try to convince her to change her mind etc.
    Try not to avoid social situations if you can. Just remember, there are many people who have done through similar to you, it is just not talked about much. 
  • @FlossyLZ thanks for comment. I agree I probably shouldn’t avoid situations but I feel like I might flip on them and yell “ yea we just had a misscariage” to top it off we just got married in May. Like gives us a break! I got married in Punta Cana and had to wait 3 months cause of Zika. People are nuts! Thanks!! Hope for your bfp soon
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