I know what you mean about the dreams. After my scan where my MC was confirmed I kept having dreams that I had a repeat scan and they said there had been a mistake and the baby was still there. I guess it's just a sign that your subconcsious is grieving too not just your waking mind.
I know today must have been tough for you, and I'm sure your wife's birthday will be too, but maybe the crying together will help let all the emotions out together.
I know nothing anyone can say can take away such pain, but I had to reply after reading.
I am so sad to read of your losses. What a truely awful experience you and your wife have had. My heart goes out to you. I had tears rolling down my face as I read your posts. You have suffered so much. Don't be too hard on yourselves, you are bound to grieve for your boys for a long time and there will be times when things remind you of what you have lost. It sounds like you are a wonderful couple and very supportive of each other. I hope you can be strong and get through this together. I know it won't be easy for you, but you will be happy again and you mustn't feel guilty about doing normal things or feeling happy, because your boys would want you to be happy. You will get there one day soon. Take little steps at a time. My prayers are with you, xxx
Also I wanted to add that whenever I lost someone close to me, (grandma, stepfather) they'd appear in my dreams and it would seem so real. I can't explain it, but I like to take comfort from the thought that it was God showing me that they are ok. xxx
[Modified by: Nettie208 on January 01, 2010 11:58 AM]
Thank you, maybe I will do the same thing and accept it as a way of god telling us that the boys are okay and he is looking after them.
I pray so hard that this year brings us the joy we so long for.
Today was another hard day. Since we lost the twins we have not been separated for more than 12 hours or so. And the last two weeks we have been together 24-7 and today my wife has gone to stay with her family a few hours drive away from where we live. I am home completely alone so am planning to go to my brothers later today. It was so hard saying goodbye today. She was in tears and so was I.
I hope the next few weeks and months pass quickly.
KS9 I'm sure 2010 will get better for you & your wife. You will get stronger day by day.
It must have been really hard today, but a little time apart might do you good. I hope you can talk to other people about how you're feeling.
I've found talking to others, not always hubby has really helped me (i had a mmc at 12wks-in Nov). The more I talk about things the better I feel. Friends and family have been very supportive- I hope yours are too.
Sending you ((((hugs))))) & may 2010 be a much happier year for you. nettie x
Thank you for your strong words of encouragement. I am so sorry for your loss. It amazes me how complicated a pregnancy can be and how many things can go wrong yet how many people have children without any issues whatsoever.
I work with a very nice girl who announced she was pregnant in Feb last year and was due to give birth in October. She said she would start her maternity leave towards the third week in September.
A few weeks in to her pregnancy she had complications due to a completely inactive thyroid. A few weeks after that she was diagnosed with Coeliac disease, then a couple of months after she contracted gestational diabetes. Then at 32 weeks high blood pressure and pre-eclampsia. Early in september a few weeks before she was due to go on leave, she was admitted to hospital with severely high blood pressure. The doctors managed to keep her blood pressure under control for 10 day and then were forced to deliver her baby. Her baby was born fine and is a few months old now and it amazes me that inspite of almost every complication you can think of, she went on to have her baby just fine.
Then I look back at our twins, my wife's pregnancy was completely like a perfect textbook pregnancy. No serious morning sickness, no funny cravings, perfect blood pressure, almost everything was perfect apart from the brown discharge at 22 weeks and 3 days, and from there it all went wrong and we lost the twins at 24 weeks.
KS9 as has already been said, it's great that you can come on here and talk - many men wouldn't. I can only imagine how you must feel. I had a mc at 11 weeks the day before Xmas eve and that was awful enough as by then I was so close to that 'magic 12 weeks' that everyone else seems to yearn. Myself I don't think any time is definitely safe - a friend lost her baby at term due to the cord being round her neck 3 times. Anyway I digress, my point was that by 24 weeks you must have been really into planning etc and seen them on scans etc. I never got to that stage with this one and for that I'm grateful. Obviously we had planned and we already had pram etc from previously (we have 2 aged 15 and 6 but I'm a hoarder!) but I hadn't felt movement or had the scans yet. I know everyone says time is a great healer and I know at the moment it doesn't feel like the pain will ever lessen but it will. I promise it will. You will never ever forget them and I believe they will be angels now watching over you. All you can do right now is keep talking, cry when you need to, go through the stages of grief in your own time and take care of you and your wife. I'm thinking of you both and hope you'll keep us updated.
Hi, Im truly sorry for your losses. I cant imagine how you both feel. I had a mc 7 wks ago and am stil distraught . We have decided to try right away. Im 44 and def have no time to waste. Youre darling babies will be in good hands i believe. I had a dream about my baby too that i got up and when went back to bed she was lying on my pillow and i picked her up and carried her through the house and tried to waken my daughter up to show her and when i woke up later i was searching for her in my bed Dont give up hope. Sending you both loving thought s and praying for you x x x Senga
Hi, Im truly sorry for your losses. I cant imagine how you both feel. I had a mc 7 wks ago and am stil distraught . We have decided to try right away. Im 44 and def have no time to waste. Youre darling babies will be in good hands i believe. I had a dream about my baby too that i got up and when went back to bed she was lying on my pillow and i picked her up and carried her through the house and tried to waken my daughter up to show her and when i woke up later i was searching for her in my bed Dont give up hope. Sending you both loving thought s and praying for you x x x Senga
Thanks Senga and thanks Seraphina, your words are comforting.
I made a list of things I feel at the moment. I don't plan to do anything with the list or even to show it to anyone but it helped me sort of understand all the things I am feeling. I find it hard as I know my darling wife is not telling me what she is thinking, I think she does not want to upset me or does not want me to know how upset she is. I ask but don't push her to tell me what is going through her mind when I see her crying.
In the list of my thoughts I think one of the strongest thoughts was that I wanted to know whether everything would be okay, like having a crystal ball to see where we would be in months to come, whether we will have happy, healthy children one day. I am 37 and my wife has just turned 36. Did we leave it too late ?
Please also accept my deepest sympathies for your losses. I pray that god give peace to you and blesses your baby angels with love and peace as well.
That was a good idea to write things down - it helps to get your feelings out.
Maybe you could try suggesting that your wife do that as it sounds like she is bottling it all up and that must make it really difficult for her.
I heard somewhere that a couple wrote messages to their babies who'd passed away and then sent them up to heaven attached to balloons. I don't know how much it would help, but it sounded like a lovely idea so thought I'd share it.
I don't think you left it too late to start a family - you are both young!! and you mustn't think that what happened was in any way your fault for any reason whatsoever!
I'm really sorry for your losses and I really can't imagine what you must be going through, but I feel sure that things will get better for you. You mustn't give up on your dream.
You are good people and I'm sure God will bless you with more children. I'm so sorry he took your twin boys so soon, they must have been so very special that he wanted them for his little angels.
We went to see our hospital to get results from the tests they did since we lost the twins. The results came back as "unexplained abruption of the placenta". There was no infections or any other reason for the abruption like high BP, etc.
They say that abruptions are likely in the following cases.
Smokers (My wife does not smoke and never has). Cocaine Users (My wife has never used drugs) Sufferers of High Blood Pressure (We monitored her BP regularly through the pregnancy and it was always in the very normal levels, not even remotely high). Pregnancy later in life (Well 35 might have been consider late) Some sites have said multiple pregnancies. I asked the consultant at the hospital as well as our IVF consultant and both said this was not true. I am confused what to believe as there are so many sites which put this as a reason.
How does one avoid abruptions, well they say to avoid all the reason that can cause it listed above and eat a health diet before and during pregnancy (which my wife was doing).
The consultant said that when it happens once, there is a 10% risk that it could happen again and for this I am scared. I keep thinking we must be positive so am praying very hard that next time round god does not test us again.
We are fortunate enough to be able to afford another round of IVF which we have chosen to do in April / May this year, giving her some time to recover physically and for us both to recover emotionally, recover being a strange word as I don't think one ever recovers from this.
We have decided it would for us be better if my wife gave up work as IVF is intensive and we both feel that if she was at home resting all the way through then it would put our minds at ease thinking we did every thing possibly conceivable to ensure success.
Am hoping the new decade and the new year will bring hope and success to everyone trying. I pray for everyone on this site hoping to have additions to their families.
Dear KS9, I hope each day is getting better for you and your wife. I dont think we ever heal properly but time will help. Was reading your last msg and although you say have we left it too late , i dont think so. Im 44 and trying. Im still so sad about my mc and sometimes burst into tears with no warning but im thinking positive and do believe i will fall pregnant again even though no sign of time of month appearing and its been 10 wks since surgery. Def my age and things slowing down but dealing with it at the moment. I do think you will be blessed with a baby so please stay strong. I know theres more than this life ...... A week before i found out i was pregnant i woke up early on the Monday and turned round to see this shining figure at Keiths ( my patner) side of the bed. I got a major fright and realised it was my Dad who died 12 years ago . I also seen my gran and my Grt Gran. I told Keith and he was scared to look. I also seen lots of little gold lights flying round the room . I hid under the covers and peeked a couple of times and it was still there. Eventually it faded and i could feel a cool breeze blowing over my head. I dont want to sound an oddball or some sort of weirdo but i know what i saw was real. I found out the following wk i was pregnant and though it was a month later i lost the baby when i got my scan the baby had stopped growing weeks before and its only now i think my Dad came and took my little one to heaven. Thinking of you both and hope this year brings us all our longed for bundles of Joy x both take carex Senga
Dear Senga, thank you ever so much for your kind words. I pray that god gives you a healthy baby with a long life that you wish for. I pray that 2010 will be a year we all look back to with very fond memories and joys of becoming parents.
I have heard of other people who have had similar experiences of seeing people and lights, I have never encountered this myself and sometimes wish that I too could feel these things as I am sure it would help knowing that someone was there looking after both our boys.
Replies
I know today must have been tough for you, and I'm sure your wife's birthday will be too, but maybe the crying together will help let all the emotions out together.
Hope 2010 is better for all of us.
Gxx
I am so sad to read of your losses.
What a truely awful experience you and your wife have had. My heart goes out to you. I had tears rolling down my face as I read your posts. You have suffered so much.
Don't be too hard on yourselves, you are bound to grieve for your boys for a long time and there will be times when things remind you of what you have lost.
It sounds like you are a wonderful couple and very supportive of each other. I hope you can be strong and get through this together. I know it won't be easy for you, but you will be happy again and you mustn't feel guilty about doing normal things or feeling happy, because your boys would want you to be happy. You will get there one day soon. Take little steps at a time.
My prayers are with you,
xxx
Also I wanted to add that whenever I lost someone close to me, (grandma, stepfather) they'd appear in my dreams and it would seem so real. I can't explain it, but I like to take comfort from the thought that it was God showing me that they are ok. xxx
[Modified by: Nettie208 on January 01, 2010 11:58 AM]
I pray so hard that this year brings us the joy we so long for.
Today was another hard day. Since we lost the twins we have not been separated for more than 12 hours or so. And the last two weeks we have been together 24-7 and today my wife has gone to stay with her family a few hours drive away from where we live. I am home completely alone so am planning to go to my brothers later today. It was so hard saying goodbye today. She was in tears and so was I.
I hope the next few weeks and months pass quickly.
I hope 2010 brings all of us some better luck
I'm sure 2010 will get better for you & your wife.
You will get stronger day by day.
It must have been really hard today, but a little time apart might do you good. I hope you can talk to other people about how you're feeling.
I've found talking to others, not always hubby has really helped me (i had a mmc at 12wks-in Nov). The more I talk about things the better I feel. Friends and family have been very supportive- I hope yours are too.
Sending you ((((hugs)))))
& may 2010 be a much happier year for you.
nettie x
Thank you for your strong words of encouragement. I am so sorry for your loss. It amazes me how complicated a pregnancy can be and how many things can go wrong yet how many people have children without any issues whatsoever.
I work with a very nice girl who announced she was pregnant in Feb last year and was due to give birth in October. She said she would start her maternity leave towards the third week in September.
A few weeks in to her pregnancy she had complications due to a completely inactive thyroid. A few weeks after that she was diagnosed with Coeliac disease, then a couple of months after she contracted gestational diabetes. Then at 32 weeks high blood pressure and pre-eclampsia. Early in september a few weeks before she was due to go on leave, she was admitted to hospital with severely high blood pressure. The doctors managed to keep her blood pressure under control for 10 day and then were forced to deliver her baby. Her baby was born fine and is a few months old now and it amazes me that inspite of almost every complication you can think of, she went on to have her baby just fine.
Then I look back at our twins, my wife's pregnancy was completely like a perfect textbook pregnancy. No serious morning sickness, no funny cravings, perfect blood pressure, almost everything was perfect apart from the brown discharge at 22 weeks and 3 days, and from there it all went wrong and we lost the twins at 24 weeks.
I know everyone says time is a great healer and I know at the moment it doesn't feel like the pain will ever lessen but it will. I promise it will. You will never ever forget them and I believe they will be angels now watching over you.
All you can do right now is keep talking, cry when you need to, go through the stages of grief in your own time and take care of you and your wife.
I'm thinking of you both and hope you'll keep us updated.
Im truly sorry for your losses. I cant imagine how you both feel. I had a mc 7 wks ago and am stil distraught . We have decided to try right away. Im 44 and def have no time to waste. Youre darling babies will be in good hands i believe. I had a dream about my baby too that i got up and when went back to bed she was lying on my pillow and i picked her up and carried her through the house and tried to waken my daughter up to show her and when i woke up later i was searching for her in my bed Dont give up hope. Sending you both loving thought s and praying for you x x x Senga
Im truly sorry for your losses. I cant imagine how you both feel. I had a mc 7 wks ago and am stil distraught . We have decided to try right away. Im 44 and def have no time to waste. Youre darling babies will be in good hands i believe. I had a dream about my baby too that i got up and when went back to bed she was lying on my pillow and i picked her up and carried her through the house and tried to waken my daughter up to show her and when i woke up later i was searching for her in my bed Dont give up hope. Sending you both loving thought s and praying for you x x x Senga
I made a list of things I feel at the moment. I don't plan to do anything with the list or even to show it to anyone but it helped me sort of understand all the things I am feeling. I find it hard as I know my darling wife is not telling me what she is thinking, I think she does not want to upset me or does not want me to know how upset she is. I ask but don't push her to tell me what is going through her mind when I see her crying.
In the list of my thoughts I think one of the strongest thoughts was that I wanted to know whether everything would be okay, like having a crystal ball to see where we would be in months to come, whether we will have happy, healthy children one day. I am 37 and my wife has just turned 36. Did we leave it too late ?
Please also accept my deepest sympathies for your losses. I pray that god give peace to you and blesses your baby angels with love and peace as well.
Maybe you could try suggesting that your wife do that as it sounds like she is bottling it all up and that must make it really difficult for her.
I heard somewhere that a couple wrote messages to their babies who'd passed away and then sent them up to heaven attached to balloons. I don't know how much it would help, but it sounded like a lovely idea so thought I'd share it.
I don't think you left it too late to start a family - you are both young!! and you mustn't think that what happened was in any way your fault for any reason whatsoever!
I'm really sorry for your losses and I really can't imagine what you must be going through, but I feel sure that things will get better for you. You mustn't give up on your dream.
You are good people and I'm sure God will bless you with more children. I'm so sorry he took your twin boys so soon, they must have been so very special that he wanted them for his little angels.
Thoughts & prayers
Nettie x
We went to see our hospital to get results from the tests they did since we lost the twins. The results came back as "unexplained abruption of the placenta". There was no infections or any other reason for the abruption like high BP, etc.
They say that abruptions are likely in the following cases.
Smokers (My wife does not smoke and never has).
Cocaine Users (My wife has never used drugs)
Sufferers of High Blood Pressure (We monitored her BP regularly through the pregnancy and it was always in the very normal levels, not even remotely high).
Pregnancy later in life (Well 35 might have been consider late)
Some sites have said multiple pregnancies. I asked the consultant at the hospital as well as our IVF consultant and both said this was not true. I am confused what to believe as there are so many sites which put this as a reason.
How does one avoid abruptions, well they say to avoid all the reason that can cause it listed above and eat a health diet before and during pregnancy (which my wife was doing).
The consultant said that when it happens once, there is a 10% risk that it could happen again and for this I am scared. I keep thinking we must be positive so am praying very hard that next time round god does not test us again.
We are fortunate enough to be able to afford another round of IVF which we have chosen to do in April / May this year, giving her some time to recover physically and for us both to recover emotionally, recover being a strange word as I don't think one ever recovers from this.
We have decided it would for us be better if my wife gave up work as IVF is intensive and we both feel that if she was at home resting all the way through then it would put our minds at ease thinking we did every thing possibly conceivable to ensure success.
Am hoping the new decade and the new year will bring hope and success to everyone trying. I pray for everyone on this site hoping to have additions to their families.
I hope each day is getting better for you and your wife. I dont think we ever heal properly but time will help. Was reading your last msg and although you say have we left it too late , i dont think so. Im 44 and trying. Im still so sad about my mc and sometimes burst into tears with no warning but im thinking positive and do believe i will fall pregnant again even though no sign of time of month appearing and its been 10 wks since surgery. Def my age and things slowing down but dealing with it at the moment. I do think you will be blessed with a baby so please stay strong. I know theres more than this life ...... A week before i found out i was pregnant i woke up early on the Monday and turned round to see this shining figure at Keiths ( my patner) side of the bed. I got a major fright and realised it was my Dad who died 12 years ago . I also seen my gran and my Grt Gran. I told Keith and he was scared to look. I also seen lots of little gold lights flying round the room . I hid under the covers and peeked a couple of times and it was still there. Eventually it faded and i could feel a cool breeze blowing over my head. I dont want to sound an oddball or some sort of weirdo but i know what i saw was real. I found out the following wk i was pregnant and though it was a month later i lost the baby when i got my scan the baby had stopped growing weeks before and its only now i think my Dad came and took my little one to heaven. Thinking of you both and hope this year brings us all our longed for bundles of Joy x both take carex Senga
I have heard of other people who have had similar experiences of seeing people and lights, I have never encountered this myself and sometimes wish that I too could feel these things as I am sure it would help knowing that someone was there looking after both our boys.