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Please tell me when it gets better
My twins are now 7 weeks old and seem to just cry every minute they are awake. I am so tired from the constant howling. They sleep at dfferent times so I cant get any slepp inthe day either. I feel awful and dont know how if I can keep getting out of bed and doing this.
I thought I would start to feel better around now but I just feel worse.
I thought I would start to feel better around now but I just feel worse.
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Firstly, do you have any sort of routine? Im assuming, as you say they sleep at different times, that you dont. This will make life massively easier. Im not talking about following a set routine necessarily, not yet, but planning a routine around what they normally do and what you normally do. For example, I like to go out everyday, rain ir shine, so I tried to make sure that I went out at the same time every day (after their 11am feed). This meant they both went to sleep in the buggy for a good 2 hours. They now do this even if I dont go out so im able to out them in their cot at roughly 11.30 and they sleep till 1.30ish. You really need to get them both doing the same thing. It isnt easy, and will take lots of time and patience, but it will be worth it in the end. I am now trying out the EASY routine with the boys and found that this is what I already do anyway! I planned my whole day around when they woke, my going out time and bed time. I had to do this as I am on my own practically all the time so they just had to fit with me. Without sounding too harsh, I forced them into 3hr feeding, napping and bedtime when I wanted them.
Secondly, have you asked for help? Its a bloody hard thing to do, believe me, im the worlds worst for it. Hubby had to phone my step mum and his mum without me knowing as I wouldnt let him! The boys have been poorly recently and their help has been invaluable. Someone to entertain them for an hour will give you some down time without worrying about them. Most of the time, people think youre ok so dont offer so you need to ask.
Thirdly, I hope you are not worrying too much about the house etc. Once you get them into a routine, you'll find you have so much time on your hands (I started putting the boys to bed at 8pm and couldnt believe I had time in the evenings and I didnt know what to do with myself!).
Lastly, try not to worry. It is hard, and there are very few people who know how hard. I have been through it, and did end up thinking I was going to have a breakdown. You will get there, it will get better, but it is hard.
HTH and dont be afraid to ask me anything...ill try and help all I can as ive also found this so bloody hard...especially as I know NO-ONE with twins in the real world!
Gemma, Ryan and Alfie 14 + 5
I agree with Gemmiebaby. A routine is definitely the key. Even if you can only get a feeding routine in place to start with. Once you have that, you can slot naps in between.
I always try to go out too and always have, even when the girls were little. We always went out around 11.30/midday and when they were really small, they'd sleep right through to their 2pm feed. It meant I could go out for lunch, do some shopping or just go for a nice long walk and have a break.
How are you managing the nights and getting some sleep? Hubby and I did shifts in the early days of 3hr nightly feeds. I used to go to bed at 8/9pm and sleep till 2/3am and then do the 3am and 6am feeds. Any sleep I could grab in between these feeds were a bonus.
Fortunately, this period didn't last long and they slept through the night with a dreamfeed from 12 and 16 weeks.
I also agree with Gemmiebaby about asking for help. I'm a bugger for not asking for help, always have been. I get cross, even now, that people don't offer to help but I shouldn't really. It's my own fault for not asking.
My final piece of advice is to have some time out as soon as you feel ready. Leave your babies with daddy/Grandma/both and get some time to yourself, even if it's just for a couple of hours. You'll miss them like crazy but will come back refreshed and ready to start again.
Same here - ask anything you wish. My email button is enabled on here xxx
Amy, Grace and Lily (8 months)
xx
I do try to feed them every 3/3 and a half hours but if they wake screaming before then I dont make them wait.
They dont sleep after feeds at the same time though, this isnt helped by feeding one after the other as I cant master feeding them together.
We have started a bedtime routine with bath very other night, bottle in the dark in the bedroom then sleep. They are generally good with this then I go to bed until 2 am feed and oh does the 11 pm feed.
I think part of it is that I am just so so tired. The crying is pretty constant as well. Hopefully this will settle down soon. Have managed to get out today and it has helped, me and them. Think I am just hard on myself sometimes and think I shoul be able to do more, cope better and survive on no sleep as I dont manage to sleep in the day.
Your bedtime routine sounds great and seems like it's working wonderfully.
I never slept in the day either. Even if they did sleep together, they never slept together for long. Even now. they only sleep for a max of 30-45 mins per nap so not worth me going to sleep!
Do you use dummies? I found these invaluable in the early days to stop the constant crying. I wasn't keen on using them at all but I'm not sure how we'd have survived without them and now they stay in the cots and are only used for naps/going to bed
xxx
Did you struggle at first? Will they get it if I keep trying?
I agree about the dummies...they have proven invaluable, although I cant wait for the day I can leave them in the cots T4BM! Ryan refuses his but I couldnt live without it when it comes to Alfie.
I dont nap in the day either, but I do make them nap together. It takes some practice, and im often shushing and patting Ryan for 10 mins until he goes off, but he does. They also only sleep for 30/45 mins at a time during the day so I dont sleep when they sleep, I take time to read a mag/newspaper/watch a sky+ programme or come on here - and definitely have a hot cup of tea.
Up until a week ago, my boys used to nap in their bouncy chairs. It meant I could bounce them to sleep, and then keep bouncing them if they woke up. They still have their evening nap in their chairs because I only want it to be a cat nap before their bath.
Im still up at 1.30/2am and 5/5.30am feeding the boys so I know how hard that is. I also dont go to bed until 11/11.30 otherwise I wouldnt see hubby, and I dont get hubby to feed in the night unless they wake together as he has to work, and works very long days (15hrs most days) so, unless I need him to feed one of them, I wake for all the feeds so I know what its like to be sleep deprived, and it isnt nice. I dont wake them at night so can sometimes be up every hour!
You are doing a fab job, and probably are being too hard on yourself. Give yourself a break and get someone else to have them for a couple of hours. You'll be surprised at how much better you feel xxx
What does your datime routine look like? I try to keep them awake to play after their feed but they usually only last about 15 mins then start crying. I put them into their moses baskets when they start crying and rock them. Sometimes they go off other times not. Often they wake and I try to rock them again and sometimes it works.
If your boys wake very early do you feed them or make them wait?
This is a typical day - and yes, I am on my own mostly -
8am - wake - both feed baby each/change bum etc
8.30am - J goes to work, boys are in bouncy chairs babbling
9am - Put boys in cot for a nap. They usually go off within 10 mins and sleep for about an hour
10am - Boys wake and play. I tend to try and do bottles etc here as they love being in the kitchen so they are in chairs while I talk/sing to them while doing bottles/washing up/washing etc
11am - Feed both in bouncy chairs
11.30am - Change nappies and dress them if we are going out and they will be seen. Dont bother with dressing most days at the moment as no one sees them!
12pm - Into buggy and out. I try to stay out for 1 1/2hours at least and they sleep the whole time.
2pm - Feed in bouncy chairs
2.30pm - Change nappies if needed and have a play/watch telly
3/3.30pm - Back in cot for another nap
4.30pm - Again, try and find things to do in the kitchen, or sing to them, read to them
5pm - Feed together in bouncy chairs
5.30pm - Play, change nappies etc
6.15pm - I try and get them to have a nap in their bouncy chairs by rocking them to sleep. If they dont get this 30mins they are a nightmare at bathtime!
6.45pm - Wake and chat/get ready for bath
7pm - Bath etc
7.30pm - Feed in bedroom both propped on pillows
8pm - Both boys are usually asleep after a story by now.
Feed at 1.30/2 and 5/5.30 at the moment.
This does change but only really the day times. The rest tends to keep as this as possible. I am changing bathtime to the morning as they are really grumpy in the evening and I have no one to comfort one while I bath the other one. Going to bath when dress in morning and instead of bath in evening going to do some baby massage as want a specific time so I do some of this every day.
HTH. Its just an idea. I do keep them together - if one wakes properly, I wake the other one during the day. If one needs to nap, I put them both down together. I always feed together, even if one didnt finish the previous bottle, or one isnt really hungry. This means I can have a routine. This keeps me sane and means I can have some me time during the day.
Gemma, Ryan and Alfie 14 + 6
it will get better! my twins are 18 months now and my daughter is 4years. 18 months ago i was thinking the same as you. because twins are EXHAUSTING! but honest it gets better. i did not manage to get out of the house every day like some of the ladies on here! so don't beat yourself up about that!!!
to feed mine together i had loads of cushions behind their heads on the sofa when they were teeny tinies. they were propped up - while i sat on the floor. although it does make your arms ache!
keep up your hard work - becasue it goes so fast - and i know you won't believe it now - but you will look back 18 months from now with fond and hazy thoughts of the exhausting start!!!! when they were cute and did not fight!!!!
xxxx