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I just dont understand...why me??
Hey ladies,
I couldnt be more sorrier that i am having to write this!
As some of you know i was expecting my 2nd set of twins in October but i have had some discharge for about a week that i hadnt been able to see anyone about and it turned into bleeding yesterday =( At about 4pm i
was bleeding quite a bit so i went to the doctors and demanded to be seen there and then and they squeezed me in!
I had to then go to A&E and sit for an HOUR bleeding heavily until the triage nurse saw me and sent me straight to maternity.
They looked at me and basically said they would scan me to see what was happening. I held my breathe as she
put the probe over my tummy with Sam sitting beside me and i heard a faint heartbeat i almost let a sigh of relief.
The sonographer said im sorry but theres only one heart beat and its very slow
i dont think there is anything to be done
I just started sobbing and i dont really rmember what any of the doctors said after that!
They asked me if i wanted a D&C or let it happen naturally i chose the natural option
and they wanted to keep me in as i was losing a fair amount of blood! (More than 2 sanitary towels in 3 hours) I didnt have to wait long though
because by 10pm i had 'passed' both the twins and they actually looked like babies I probly shudnt of looked but i couldnt help it!
Sorry if this is tmi for anyone.
They also told me that they were ID as they shared the same placenta
and they dated me again a week later than i saw so 12+3 not 11+3 =(
I cant believe this has happened i did everything i was supposed to do taking the vitimans and everything!
I kind of blame myself for letting the dishcharge go unoticed ive no idea if its linked to the m/c
but i do feel bad for not having it checked
Sam is absolutely distraught i was allowed home at lunchtime and we have been offered counselling for this
but presently do not feel able to take it up!
I just cant believe i am writing this, it wasnt meant to be like this i just feel so empty it happened so quickly and i feel so powerless! Just 2 days ago we were all celebrating the news of 2 new additions and now were all mourning for two angels we will never know =(
Im sorry to have posted so much i didnt intend to worry or upset anyone i just really dont understand why this happens to ANYONE!
I guess i was truly blessed and my angels were just too special for earth but that doesnt bring much comfort. Sam blames himself for not taking the stress away but he has been amazing i just hope we can get through this together! I dont know how to explain to the girls what has happened either how can i explain something i dont even understand myself!!
To all you ladies who have suffered to horror of a miscrriage or still birth my heart truly goes out to you and you are inspirational to be able to be so positive and brave to have another pregnancy!
I hope i can be brave too!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I couldnt be more sorrier that i am having to write this!
As some of you know i was expecting my 2nd set of twins in October but i have had some discharge for about a week that i hadnt been able to see anyone about and it turned into bleeding yesterday =( At about 4pm i
was bleeding quite a bit so i went to the doctors and demanded to be seen there and then and they squeezed me in!
I had to then go to A&E and sit for an HOUR bleeding heavily until the triage nurse saw me and sent me straight to maternity.
They looked at me and basically said they would scan me to see what was happening. I held my breathe as she
put the probe over my tummy with Sam sitting beside me and i heard a faint heartbeat i almost let a sigh of relief.
The sonographer said im sorry but theres only one heart beat and its very slow
i dont think there is anything to be done
I just started sobbing and i dont really rmember what any of the doctors said after that!
They asked me if i wanted a D&C or let it happen naturally i chose the natural option
and they wanted to keep me in as i was losing a fair amount of blood! (More than 2 sanitary towels in 3 hours) I didnt have to wait long though
because by 10pm i had 'passed' both the twins and they actually looked like babies
I probly shudnt of looked but i couldnt help it!Sorry if this is tmi for anyone.
They also told me that they were ID as they shared the same placenta
and they dated me again a week later than i saw so 12+3 not 11+3 =(
I cant believe this has happened i did everything i was supposed to do taking the vitimans and everything!
I kind of blame myself for letting the dishcharge go unoticed ive no idea if its linked to the m/c
but i do feel bad for not having it checked
Sam is absolutely distraught i was allowed home at lunchtime and we have been offered counselling for this
but presently do not feel able to take it up!
I just cant believe i am writing this, it wasnt meant to be like this i just feel so empty it happened so quickly and i feel so powerless! Just 2 days ago we were all celebrating the news of 2 new additions and now were all mourning for two angels we will never know =(
Im sorry to have posted so much i didnt intend to worry or upset anyone i just really dont understand why this happens to ANYONE!
I guess i was truly blessed and my angels were just too special for earth but that doesnt bring much comfort. Sam blames himself for not taking the stress away but he has been amazing i just hope we can get through this together! I dont know how to explain to the girls what has happened either how can i explain something i dont even understand myself!!
To all you ladies who have suffered to horror of a miscrriage or still birth my heart truly goes out to you and you are inspirational to be able to be so positive and brave to have another pregnancy!
I hope i can be brave too!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Replies
sarah
xx
We mc twice before having our twins and it was inbearable but it did make hubby and i much closer.
I blamed myself a lot after our 2nd mc as it was the result of a car accident but there was nothing i could have done and neither could u it just wasn't meant to be that time.
I hope u feel better soon please take time to grieve and we're all here for u.
xxxxxx
I can't say anything that the others haven't said but sending you lots of love and remember we're always here for you if you need us xx
Sending you lots of hugs.
Mrs WB Mum to 11 month old twins
I am so sorry to read this hun. I too suffered 2 mc's (one befoe my eldest dd and one before the twins) so understand the pain you are going through but know it must be even harder again to lose the twins.
You have had it tough lately with poor Ella in hospital too.
Thinking of you at this sad time xx
ps I see from another post that you changed your name. What were you previously ?
I am so sorry to read this hun. I too suffered 2 mc's (one befoe my eldest dd and one before the twins) so understand the pain you are going through but know it must be even harder again to lose the twins.
You have had it tough lately with poor Ella in hospital too.
Thinking of you at this sad time xx
ps I see from another post that you changed your name. What were you previously ?